


I Know I'll Be Leaving Soon

by phan_taloon



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bisexual Percy Jackson, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Fluff, Gay Character, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt Percy Jackson, Hurt/Comfort, I may have made some characters a bit gay, I'm Sorry, I'm rewriting this work from ages ago, Medical Conditions, Multi, Not Beta Read, POV First Person, References to Depression, Sickfic, Suicidal Thoughts, The Author Regrets Nothing, Work In Progress, and they live in a nursing house of sorts, basically they're all sick, but we're all a little bit gay right, i have a couple chapters edited already, this is a mess, this is a wreck, under a different username though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 78,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phan_taloon/pseuds/phan_taloon
Summary: Percy Jackson is a 17 year old living with a heart condition that's cutting his life short, and with only a few months to live if the doctors don't find out how to cure him, he takes the decision to spend his possible last days in a group home with other kids living with difficult diseases. Vowing to make the best out of his last months of life, he heads to Delphi House, where he finds great friends, mentors, and a family.I suck at summaries, but I promise the content is actually better.English is not my first language, but I hope I did great. This was already posted on FF.net, but is currently undergoing major editing, so I decided to post it here too. I hope you like it.
Relationships: Hazel Levesque/Frank Zhang, Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Luke Castellan/Percy Jackson, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Paul Blofis/Sally Jackson, Sally Jackson/Poseidon (Percy Jackson), Silena Beauregard/Charles Beckendorf
Comments: 63
Kudos: 154





	1. Prologue

“Please be brave

Cause I need your faith”

Palace,  _ Have Faith _

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

I’m going to go to the point here, I’m dying. I am unfortunately, terminally ill, and while nothing could describe that feeling, it just sucks.

It’s absolute terror mixed with hopelessness, settled bitterly on top of your lungs, always there to remind you that the clock is ticking and you’re running out of time, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Again, it really fucking sucks.

I was 12 when the doctors found out something was wrong with me. 

I simply collapsed out of nowhere in the middle of the school hallway while walking to my Science class. I didn’t even feel a thing, but the hitch in my breath and the darkness engulfing me. 

Hours later, when I woke up in a hospital bed, I was told I had something called aortic stenosis - a mouthful I know, but try living with it. Apparently, I was born with a heart defect, and my aortic valve - the thing that allows blood to travel to the lungs - is fucked up. Long story short, the valve has narrowed with time, and blood cannot travel through my body properly.

So that time when I collapsed? I fainted because not enough oxygen reached my brain since not enough blood could get there. I almost died that day, my whole body could have shut down if it weren’t for the emergency surgery I had to open up my aortic valve - the first of four so far, since repairs don’t usually last long, and for some reason my valve narrows faster than normal. 

The doctors have tried to help me, especially my doctor of 5 years now Dr. Apollo, but nothing seems to work. They tried to replace the valve with a mechanical one, but my body didn’t react well to it, and I ended up getting sicker, so they had to remove it and repair my own valve - that was the third time, a year ago.

I had the fourth repair a couple days ago, and I’m starting to lose hope. I’m getting worse, and I’m so tired. I know my body is tired. Dr. Apollo is saying I’m showing signs of bradycardia, so my heart is slowing down. My heart is tired. 

I’ve known my heart would fail someday because of how aggressive my aortic stenosis is, but actually hearing I only have 6 to 8 months left to live unless I get a heart transplant is world-shattering, especially because the odds of getting a heart are too slim - I’ve been on the list for two years, and no hearts have made a match with me. Despite me knowing I wouldn’t get to grow old and happy, this time it is for real. I am dying. I will die soon.

It’s so unfair, isn’t it? I’m only 17 years old, I haven’t lived my life, yet I won’t be able to live anymore. 

Dr. Apollo said my condition is progressing quite fastly, so there’s no way I can live comfortably at home anymore. But I don’t want to live in the hospital, there’s absolutely no way I’m spending my last few months stuck in a hospital room. I refuse to.

So he offered me an alternative: a group home, where kids who need constant medical attention can stay and be taken care of. It wouldn’t be my ideal choice, but I can’t put my mom and Paul through more stress and sorrow than necessary, so if I have to stay in a place with strangers for her to be better, I will, without a doubt.

My mom doesn’t think the same, but at this point she just wants to keep me happy and as healthy as possible, so she doesn’t fully oppose. 

The place Dr. Apollo recommended is called Delphi House, is an hour or so away from Manhattan, on the north shore of Long Island. This made my mom even less happy, but I had already made up my mind. I wasn’t going to put her through that difficulty. So Delphi House it was. 

My mom would take me there once I got discharged and she had the opportunity to arrange everything.

The world seems to be falling apart, but I can’t allow myself be overwhelmed by the despair. I had to try to enjoy my last months alive, and I couldn’t burden my mom with worry. I had to be strong.

I have to be strong, it’s not over yet. 

I’m Percy Jackson, I can’t give up already. I can’t lose hope.


	2. A New Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, this is chapter 2, and I come here bringing news.  
> First, I have outlined this fic to be roughly 25 chapters long, it may be shorter, it may be longer, but that's the goal here. Then, I intended to only slightly edit and just write things better, but I ended up only scanning what used to be chapter 2 and wrote a whole new thing, I don't think I kept a single sentence. And since I'm also doing that with chapter 3, I decided that I am going to post a chapter once the next is halfway done, that way I'll have to write, even if I don't feel very motivated to do so. Also I updated some tags and added some things here and there, so have a look.  
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this chapter, I have lots of great things planned for the future!

“So give me all you’ve got

I can take it”

My Chemical Romance,  _ Burn Bright _

**Chapter 2: My New Home**

After another day in the hospital just to be sure I was okay, I was able to go home. 

I’m not gonna lie, I both looked forward to and dreaded the time home, because I knew that sooner or later I would leave, and most likely never come back. 

Time passed by too quickly.

It felt as if one night I was able to sleep soundly and comfortably in my own bed, and the next I was already on my way to Delphi House. Objectively, I knew almost a week had passed between me going home and me sitting in the car looking out at Long Island Sound.

We researched everything there was to know about Delphi House. It wasn’t really a hospice, at least according to their website, but they took care of teens and young adults who needed constant medical care that couldn’t really be provided at home without it being an actual hospital. 

It wasn’t too expensive, despite all the services they offered, and after calling the insurance company, the insurance could cover all the expenses. 

Doctors and nurses were available 24/7 with any kind of equipment needed, and children came and went all the time. They even provide transportation to medical appointments and accept visits every single day, so my mom and Paul could visit any day, as long as they go in the allowed hours. All in all, it sounded like a pretty amazing place. 

But it didn’t make me any less miserable about leaving my home, even if I knew it was for the best, and I would spare my mom from the bad months to follow. It didn’t make the hurt of knowing I’ll be leaving soon go away.

_ Stop thinking like that. _

The night before leaving for Delphi House I swore to myself I wouldn’t be this miserable in my few months left. 

_ I can’t waste my time being sad. _

So that led me where I am right now, driving down the street to the Town of Huntington - having to endure the looks of pity and melancholy my mom keeps throwing me over the side mirror-, towards a place I don’t know, but I’m going to have to get used to if I desire to have the slightest amount of normalcy I can. 

It doesn’t take long for Paul to pull up in the driveway in front of a rather big house.

_ I didn’t even notice going through the gates. _

Its three stories are painted baby blue, with white trim and a beautiful wooden deck surrounding it entirely. Equally pretty gardens surrounded the house, and I could see huge trees peeking from the behind the house, as well as berries sprouting from some bushes. The whole property was encompassed by a tall wooden fence, which I appreciated.

Two men are waiting outside, enjoying the morning breeze while they play something with cards. Both of them look up as they here the car engine and put down their cards.

One of them seems to be wheelchair bound, and he looks to be in his 50s, with brown hair that already has many grey strands, and a kind smile that seems to radiate pure warmth, yet his eyes seems nostalgic. The other man looks a bit younger, with black hair that shines slightly purple when the sun hits it, and a more serious look in his face.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door of the car, at the same time as Paul and my mom, and pull out my suitcase. We walk towards the steps - and ramp - in the front, as the black-haired man stands up and the brown-haired man rolls forward in his wheelchair. 

“Good morning, welcome to Delphi House,” the brown haired man says, putting his hand forward for us to shake, “I assume you are the Jacksons?”

“Yeah, I’m Sally Jackson, this is my husband Paul Blofis, and my son Percy.” 

I shake his hand rather clumsily, and murmur a soft “Hi”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you all, my name is Dr. Dionysus,” the other man speaks up, “and this is Dr. Brunner, but for some reason the kids call us Dr. D and Chiron, so you choose what to call us.”

“If you could follow us inside, we would love to discuss a little more about Percy’s stay and after that you can fill out the final forms,” Dr. Brunner says with a smile.

“Of course, we would like that,” Paul says with relief in his voice.

I know he’s worried, both he and my mom are, and I’m pretty nervous myself so I can’t really blame him. 

We follow both doctors inside passing by a set of stairs through a short hallway, where the first thing in sight is a huge living room, with couches, armchairs, bean bags and a TV. The dining room lies to the right, separated by a small step, and a wooden table big enough to fit roughly 16 people stands in the center. There are a couple of doors to the left, which I guess are some offices or even some rooms, and the kitchen farther right than the dining room.

Right through the glass doors I can see the big trees - maybe peaches - outside, from which swings hang. In their shadows, there are some wooden benches and tables, and beyond the trees I can glimpse Long Island Sound. 

I am sure I hear voices of people, laughs and conversations, but we don’t go farther than the hallway, entering an office to the right of the entrance door.

_ I swear I hear people, but where is everyone? _

“You can sit down in this couch if you want to,” Dr. Dionysus says while reaching for some papers on the desk in the corner of the room.

This office seems quite simple, with bookcases containing what I guess are medical books, the desk, two couches opposite each other and a board with some photos. 

“Well, here at Delphi House we are all about fulfilling both your and your children’s needs and wishes, so first let’s talk about Percy’s condition,” Dr. Brunner says and turns to me, as I swallow nervously, “Of course we know everything about aortic stenosis and your treatment, after all we did reach out to Dr. Apollo, but we’d like it if we hear about it in person.”

And so the retelling of my tragic medical history told by my mom starts. Paul offers some input and commentaries here and there, but I choose to remain silent through it. There’s no use in telling the story myself.

“You good there Percy?” Dr. Dionysus asks when my mom’s done, “You have been very quiet through this all, or are you the quiet type?”

“Oh not at all,” I laugh nervously, “I’m just not, um, comfortable, I guess, speaking about everything wrong that’s wrong with me… I’d just rather not talk about it and remember I’m dying.”

That’s not all the truth. I think about the fact that I’m dying whether I talk about it or not, but actually speaking about it makes all the more real.

I can feel my mom’s sorrowful look, and the pity coming from everyone in the room.

“I’ll tell you what,” Dr. Brunner says rolling his chair to the door, “why don’t we go meet everyone else while your parents speak with Dr. D?”

“Um,” I turn to look at my mom, who nods at me trying to give me the most comforting smile she can muster, “sure, that would be nice.”

“Great, let’s go outside.” 

We go out the door, and turn to the staircase. A regular, old  _ staircase _ . I stand there a bit dumbfounded, because  _ how is he even go up the stairs?  _ I guess I might look as dumb as I feel, because Dr. Brunner stares at me with an amused smile and snickers.

“It’s a convertible staircase Percy,” he rolls his wheel forward and pushes a handle. Immediately, the stairs become a ramp perfect for his wheelchair. “You see, this special steps are placed on the staircase, and the steps open up into a ramp position.” 

“That’s so amazing!” I whisper in awe, causing Dr. Brunner to chuckle.

“Yes, I guess you could say that. Now, would you mind helping me up?

“Oh, not at all.”

We head up the ramp, which is surprisingly perfectly angled for a person to go up a wheelchair, and it makes me wonder if it was custom made.

_ Was the whole house custom made? _

The sounds of chatter and fun that I previously heard become louder at first, until I hear multiple shushing sounds and all that remains is the background sound of a TV playing. I hold my breath in anticipation and my hands start to sweat.

_ This must be the other teens staying here. _

We finally reach the top of the ramp, after an agonizing amount of time -  _ or was it just 10 seconds? _ \- to find the group of teens all staring right at the spot we are at expectantly.

I can see no more than 10 kids, all different ages, some not looking like kids anymore. 

“Good morning everyone,” Dr. Brunner starts, “I’d like you to meet Percy, he might be staying with us for a while. Percy, meet everyone.”

I wave shyly, knowing full well that my cheeks are as red as the strawberries growing in the bushes outside. I  _ hate _ social interactions, and seeing all these people staring at me makes me an absolute mess to the point where I can’t even allow my eyes to focus on the teens’ features beyond blobs of different hair colors. 

Thankfully, a blond-headed blob breaks the tension by standing up from his chair and walking over to where Dr. Brunner and me stand.

“Hey Percy, nice to meet you, although the circumstances could be  _ much _ better,” he chuckles nervously, and as I focus on him, I’m startled by his electric blue eyes, “My name’s Jason, and I guess we might be roommates if you do stay.”

He phrased the last part as a question, and turns to look at Dr. Brunner. 

“We have that sorted my boy,” he starts to roll his wheelchair past Jason turning to look at the others, “Why don’t the rest of you introduce yourselves while I go deal with something?”

Just like that he enters a room to the left of the staircase, which might be another study or even a room, and closes the door behind him.

I turn to look at the teens in front of me, and just now take notice of the lounge area they’re sitting around. 

_ How the fuck do they have another full lounge room, with couches, chairs and another TV, all surrounded by bookcases? They must have a lot of money. _

I stand there watching around the room, avoiding having to introduce myself as much as possible. Jason has other plans.

“So Percy, meet the gang-”

“ _ Gang _ ?” a brown-skinned boy with curly dark hair and a mischievous smirk asks, “Are you trying to seem  _ cool _ , Grace?”

Jason’s cheeks redden a little, but he composes himself.

“Anyway, the annoying goblin is Leo, he’s my roommate right now, but we’ll see what Dr. D and Chiron come up with the arrangements.” Leo salutes me, still keeping that don’t-mess-with-me smile, but in a good way. Jason starts listing off the people in the room, “These are Nico, Piper, Hazel, Zoe, Annabeth and Luke.”

They all wave at me, some with more enthusiasm than others, and I wave back. They all look so different, I feel refreshed at the diversity, having grown around Latino and black communities. 

“Come sit down,” the pale blond guy, Luke, who also seems to be the oldest in the group, says, “I doubt your parents will take much time, but you still don’t have to be standing there.”

“Sure, yeah.”

I follow Jason, and sit in down on the chair next to Luke, as Jason sits between the young black haired kid, Nico, and the brown skin girl, Piper. He puts an arm around her, and she leans into his side. She has mesmerizing eyes, but I choose not to focus on them, obviously getting they’re together. 

“So what are you here for?” asks the girl with blonde curls and stormy grey eyes, Annabeth, rather bluntly. She’s very beautiful, in an intimidating don’t-mess-with-me way, but gorgeous nonetheless. I still shift uncomfortably at her question.

“Um, I have aortic stenosis, it’s basically that a valve in my heart is narrowing and blood can’t go through correctly, so I run out of oxygen sometimes.”

The room stays silent for a moment.

“We’re all a little messed up in here,” Hazel, the dark skinned younger girl blurts out sheepishly, “I mean, we’re all sick, so we get you. We don’t judge here.”

I smile thankfully at her, “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

“How old are you?” Zoe, the brown skinned older girl asks with what I assume is a British accent, “Just out of curiosity.”

“I turned 17 last month, what about you guys…?”

“I’m 21, the oldest here by far,” Luke jumps in, “Annie here is 17, Zoe is 19, Hazel is 13, Leo is 15, Piper is 16 and so is Jason, while Nico is 14.”

“I’ve told you not to call me Annie,” Annabeth grumbles, and Luke sticks his tongue out to her as a response.

“Anyway, you can see we’re all different ages, but we all get along with each other pretty well, and I don’t have any doubt that you’ll fit right in with us.” 

Luke just seems like the kind of guy you would like to be friends with, who supports you in any way possible, so I make a mental note to get close to him if I stay.

Right as I am about to answer, Dr. Dionysus comes up the stairs.

“Morning kiddos, I hope you’ve all taken your morning meds, I will check later,” he addresses the others before turning to me, “Head back downstairs Jackson, I’ll be there with Dr. Brunner in a minute.”

I nod to him and hastily stand up from the chair, mumbling softly “See you guys”, before walking down the stairs.

I head back into the room where my mom and Paul should be waiting, and right as I walk in my mom stands up from the couch to engulf me in a hug. I hug her back, and I can feel the tears running down her cheek. Paul joins us in a heartbeat, and I embrace him to, because he may not be my biological father, but I love him as if he were it. They pull from the hug after a minute or so, and right at that moment, Dr. Dionysus and Dr. Brunner walk in.

“I assume you’ve come to a decision,” Dr. Brunner speaks up, “or would you like to think more about it?”

My mom turns to me, with tears shining in her eyes, but she has somehow composed herself. I can see the nostalgia and pain in her stare, as she cups my cheek. I know so many teens don’t like to show care for their parents, but I could never feel ashamed of how much I love my mom. For so long it was justs her and me, then Smelly Gabe came in, who at first seemed nice and revealed who he truly was later on, so we left him, as difficult as it was just the two of us again, especially once my disease got discovered and I had to have several medical procedures. Eventually, Paul came into our lives, but by then mom and I had gone through so much, and she did so much to help me, I could never be embarrassed about her showing of appreciation.

So I just muster up my courage, ignoring my fear and anxiety, and put on the most confident smile I can produce, nodding at her and leaning into her touch. I can see the understanding settle in her eyes, she knows I think this is the best for everyone affected, and I know she will respect what I want.

“No, we’ve made a decision,” she says finally turning to both doctors, “I think it would be best for Percy to stay. As much as it hurts me, if this is what he wants, I will respect it.”

“We just want what makes him the most comfortable,” Paul says as he places his hand on my shoulder, and I smile softly at him.

“Yeah, I think it would be better for me,” I turn to stare at the doctors too, “for me and my parents both.”

“Very well, then all you’d have to do is sign the form we discussed Mrs. Jackson, and we’d be all set.”

My mom lets out a soft shaky sigh, and turns towards the desk where some papers lie, and Dr. Dionysus walks to her side and hands her a pen. She looks at me one more time, before turning back to the paper and signing where Dr. D is pointing to. 

“You too Mr. Blofis,” he motions for Paul, who puts an arm around my mom and signs in the same places. 

“All done then,” Dr. Brunner rolls his chair towards the desk too, “I know this is difficult, but it would do you nice if you start preparing for Percy to stay.”

Tears spill from my mom’s eyes again and she walks over to me and pulls me in for another hug, as Paul mumbles something about my getting my bags. The doctors stand over by the desk, conversing in too soft voices. 

“You’re gonna be okay, baby,” my mom whispers in my ear, which makes my eyes sting a little, “I know this is hard, but they’ll be able to take better care of you than I ever did.”

“I personally think you’ve done a great job yourself, mom.”

“Oh don’t say things that will make me regret this.”

I chuckle softly and pull away when I hear Paul return with my bags. He places the bags on the couch and approaches us, placing his hand on my shoulder again and wiping the tears on my mom’s cheeks.

It makes me warm, to know that she will have someone as amazing as Paul to help her deal with everything. After all she’s been through, she deserves someone as great as him.

Dr. Dionysus clears his throat, and we turn to where he’s standing.

“Percy, we’re talking about your sleeping arrangement,” he starts, “and as we usually have you sleep in pairs, we think it’s best if you have Luke as a roommate, would that be okay with you?”

It takes me a moment to really process what they’re saying, for some reason, so before I can open my mouth, Dr. Brunner speaks up.

“We would have to put Nico with Jason, and have Leo sleep by himself, but if you’d prefer someone else, we can come up with another arrangement-”

“No, no, that would be okay,” I already feel uncomfortable separating Leo and Jason, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone any more, “Wouldn’t it be easier if I just sleep by myself though? I’d hate to break apart Jason and Leo.”

“Oh, that would be doing us a problem,” Dr. D chuckles, “Leo is quite good at convincing Jason to do things they know better not to, but really we don’t want you sleeping by yourself. Or Jason, Nico or Luke for that matter. Leo’s condition started presenting symptoms quite recently, so it’s not so bad. He’d be okay sleeping by himself.”

“Oh, in that case Luke would be just fine.”

“That’s settled then, I’ll go let them know now, if you’d excuse me,” he says, leaving the room.

“Alright, I think we’re all settled, we have your charts, your meds schedule, and we’ve got everything sorted. I assume you’ve got everything you need?” Dr. Brunner asks, and I nod in response. 

“Then welcome to Delphi House, Percy.”

He puts his arm out and I shake his hand with a sheepish smile, before turning to my mom, who still looks on the verge of tears, and Paul. My mom places both of her hands on my shoulders.

“Promise me you’ll call, or at least text, everyday,” she says shakily, “Listen to the doctors here, please take care of yourself, you know your limits, and don’t forget to take any of your meds.”

“Of course I’ll call mom, and of course I’ll take care, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’ll always worry about you, baby.”

Dr. Dionysus comes back in, and my mom takes a deep breath, embracing me one last time.

“You’ll be okay Percy, Dr. Apollo will find something to fix your heart, you just hang on as long as you can.”

She pulls away, and Paul hugs me one last time too.

“Don’t worry about anything Percy, you’ll be just fine here.”

He pulls away too, and my mom took his hand. Both stare at the doctors.

“Please, take good care of him,” my mom whispers, “he’s my world, I can’t lose him.”

“We’ll give him our best care Mrs. Jackson, you don’t need to worry about that,” Dr. Brunner says. “Besides, you can visit any day between 9am and 7pm without any problem, and we’re also pretty close friends with Apollo, he comes and visits often. Percy here will be just fine.”

My mom nods slowly. Together, we walk towards the entrance, and I grab my bags on the way, the doctors following close behind us. Dr. D opens the door, and my mom grabs my hand.

“I’ll miss you so much, honey,” I can tell she’s trying not to cry or to take me with her back home, “I love you, so very much. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that, I love you too, and I’ll miss you both too.”

“Take care, okay?”

I nod stiffly, and she pulls her hand from mine.

“Bye, honey. I’ll try to visit as much as I can.”

“We both will,” Paul says.

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon then.”

They walk down the few stairs. On the way to the car, they both turn around and wave one last time. I wave back sadly, holding back my own tears. As they pull off the driveway, Dr. D shuts the door.

“Alright then, you alright Jackson?”

I sigh deeply.

“Yeah, I’m okay, I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?” I nod at him. “Okay, so head on upstairs then, I let the kids know where you’ll be staying, so ask them to help you settle, though odds are Luke will help you adjust just fine.”

“Sure, yeah. Thank you for everything.”

I walk up the stairs, where I find only the girls talking in the lounge room.

“Hey!” Hazel beams and stands up to give me a hug, which I return rather hastily, “It’s official! Welcome to the family!”

I can hear the other girls chuckle at my miserable awkwardness, and actually see both Annabeth and Zoe smiling. Leo comes down the hallway to the right of the stairs, which turns left at the end, so I assume it’s where the rooms are. He pats me in the back once Hazel lets go.

“Yeah, dude, you’re one of us now, for better or for worse, even if I can’t make Jason get in trouble with me as easily anymore.”

“I’m sorry about that, I asked Dr. D to arrange it some different way but-”

“Nah, don’t worry about it, he has been looking for the opportunity to get me out of sharing with Jason for a couple of weeks now, but both Luke and Nico would kill me in my sleep if we shared rooms.”

I can’t quite tell if he’s joking or not, but Luke doesn’t let me think about it too hard.

“Hey, Percy,” he says poking his head from around the hallway, “come here, I’ll help you get all settled.”

“S-Sure, yeah I’m coming.”

I follow him around the corner, and sure enough, another hallway has 3 doors on each side leading to the different rooms, and another room at the end, which I guess is the bathroom. We walk to the last door on the left, and I walk in to reveal a simple room, consisting of two twin beds, two small closets and a bedside table in between the beds. 

An open bag sits in the right bed, and Luke goes to organize his things in the closet, so I put my stuff in the left bed and start doing the same. I can’t shake the feeling of guilt however, at having made the guys all move around their stuff.

“Hey, um, I’m sorry,” I say, to which Luke turns around in confusion, “I feel bad that you had to move from one room to the other because of me.”

Luke’s blue eyes are wide in surprise, before he chuckles. “You shouldn’t feel bad about that, it’s nothing really. Besides when you have spend a few years here like I have, it’s nice to change the scenery.”

He continues organizing his stuff. Part of me feels bad he’s been here than long, but part of me thinks bitterly that I won’t have that long.

“Anyway,” he starts, “what do you think about-”

The day goes by in lightning speed, and before I know it, it is already nighttime.

Surprisingly, I had a really good day, and throughout it, I got to learn about these people, and be able to appreciate how close they all are, and how they all seem like genuine amazing persons, both the kids, the doctors and other medical staff that also live in the house.

In just half a day, I can feel the pull to create a bond with most of them, which scares the crap out of me. As much as I know they’re amazing guys, I know I’ll be leaving soon, and I can’t afford to become attached to them, or even worse, for them to become attached to me.

Although I feel the desire to become part of their family, I can’t help but feel like a meaningless part of the universe, just waiting to be taken by the wind, and never return again.

_ I don’t even know if I’ll have long enough time for me to become their family. _

Just looking at Luke lying asleep across from me, I am reminded of the love they feel for each other, even Leo and Nico, who have apparently not been here for long. 

But he intrigues me, Luke, with him acting as a caring protector of everyone else, but not letting anyone take care of him. It took me one dinner to figure that out. He cares so much for the others, it makes me wonder if these guys would be able to care for me like that.

My head is throbbing lightly, and I groan, because it is not the time to ponder this much.

Exhaustion hits me after such a long day, and despite my headache, for the first time in a long,  _ long _ time, I sleep peacefully all throughout the night, with family in my mind.


	3. Change of pace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! As you may notice, I'm trying to keep up an updating schedule, though it is based on how much progress I'm making with the next chapter. But this past week was incredibly busy and tiring, so I haven't been able to write much of next chapter. Still, I bring you this one, cause I vowed to finish this by the end of the year, and I don't want to break my promise.
> 
> Basically, I have six months to finish this before I'm off to study Medicine, so I won't have much time to actually get this done. Writing this keeps me creative, lets me finish what I started as a 14 year old, keeps me active, and just lets me have fun before I start uni next january. This also serves to say that I attempt to stay 100% accurate on terms of medical issues, since it allows me to get to learn before med school, and I quite enjoy reading all this medical shit.
> 
> Disclaimer though, I'm Latina. I live in Latin America, I do not live in NYC, so I rely solely on google to describe locations and places, so I hope I don't disappoint.
> 
> Without saying more BS, here is chapter 3, I hope you like it! (and sorry for the long note)

“In time I will leave this city

For now I will stay alive”

twenty one pilots,  _ Leave The City _

**Chapter 3: Change of Pace**

Two weeks passed since I arrived at Delphi House before things went to shit. And I mean, of course, I went to shit.

For two weeks, everything was amazing. Truly. It wasn’t unicorns and rainbows obviously, there were bad and good days for everyone, but it felt so good not to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, I have never felt alone while being with my mom, or Paul for that matter, but it’s nice to have people who don’t pity you, and rather, understand you.

I’ve learned a lot about everyone in my time here, both about their medical conditions and about their lives. 

Everyone is at different levels of how bad their health conditions are. Some are not affected too bad by their illness, like Leo whose disease makes some of his organs accumulate copper - which is very bad in excess -;Hazel, who has been coping well with anemia for a few years; and Piper, who has been living with diabetes for years too.

Some others have diseases that only affect them from time to time, as they are remitting. These are Jason, who has multiple sclerosis, which attacks his nervous system; Annabeth, who is prone to infections due to an illness I can’t even pronounce; and Nico, who developed some sort of epilepsia after being in a car accident, and he suffers from seizures sometimes.

Then there’s Zoe and Luke, who haven’t mentioned much about their illnesses, and all I know is that they suffer from it most of the time, just like me, and have some bad days and some good ones.

Their personal lives are just things that have slipped out in conversation, or talked casually, rather than having deep talks about family and life.

Like how Annabeth, Jason and Luke used to live together, along with Jason’s older sister, Thalia. They don’t have the best of parents, but at least they let Annabeth and Luke move in with them after Thalia found them both running away from their respective homes, and once she was able to get her own apartment, she did, and the four of them moved out, until they couldn’t live without medical care anymore.

Nico and Hazel are also half-siblings, though apparently neither of their mom’s is their dad’s current wife, but who am I to judge, right? They’re both under custody of their dad however, because Nico’s mom died and Hazel’s was “deemed unfit for parenting”, to quote from her. They’re very close, and Nico is very protective of her younger sister, which is actually quite heartwarming. 

But no one was particularly eager to share their tragic backstory, or much detailed info on why they needed careful medical attention than strictly necessary, me included, so I understand their desire to keep their privacy. Nevertheless, some things can be learned without having to hear it from them. When you’re new in a place and haven’t quite gained the confidence to be truly comfortable, you get the privilege of observing. 

Annabeth, for one, couldn’t stay still without doing anything. She was always moving, drawing, reading, solving puzzles, or sometimes even carving in clay. Her eyes constantly sweeped around the room, as if analyzing everything in her surroundings, and sometimes she got this distant look, as in deep thought, before continuing what she was doing. She seemed to really like architecture, and loved to sketch designs and structures. Leo was mostly the same, he just couldn’t stand still and always had to be fidgeting and crafting, except he seemed more into engineering.

Jason and Piper have such a deep trust and connection with each other, it still amazes me sometimes. They interact in perfect sync, even if from what I’ve heard, they have only been together for no longer than 2 months. They fit with each other perfectly, and adapted to the other’s needs almost instantly.

Hazel and Zoe were both brought up in very old-fashioned homes, and often would act as if they were from a different century, with their vocabulary and gestures, especially Zoe with her British accent. 

Luke and Nico were the ones who caught my attention the most. They were both distraught and withdrawn, but the difference was that Luke was much more subtle than Nico who didn’t try to hide how he was feeling. Luke wore a facade, the kind that you wouldn’t recognize if you didn’t wear one too. He had a habit of picking at his nails and lips, and he always had a laid back expression on, except for when he thought no one was watching. But once again, I’m great at noticing little details in people’s behavior. Call it a secret ability or whatever.

The nights were easier to figure out Luke was hiding something, with us being roommates and everything. I have trouble falling asleep at night, and I’m able to see him staring at the ceiling up to hours, and as curious as I am, I’m not brave enough to ask him what’s going through his mind, and I wouldn’t expect him to trust me with his personal thoughts.

But he’s been very helpful these last two weeks, working with me to grow used to living at Delphi House, having to share living spaces with so many people. He has also helped me when I’m feeling specially off, and in return, I have helped him through some rather nasty headaches and dizzy spells, but he’s yet to tell me what’s wrong with him. I feel like I should do more though, because these weeks he has been there to help me, and I should do the same.

I’ve grown close with pretty much everyone, and enjoy spending time with each of them, even Dr. D Chiron - who I’m still not used to call Chiron -, Argus and the other ladies who help throughout the house. 

It has been pretty good time so far. But not today.

I woke up feeling more pain in my chest, and slightly out of breath, which in itself is pretty unusual. I let the feeling fade until it is only an annoyance at the back of my head, but not uncomfortable enough that it keeps me from getting up. 

Luke was not in the room anymore, his bed a mess as always, so he was most likely already downstairs, which meant I am  _ very  _ late, as Luke was usually one of the last ones to get up.

I reach for my phone on the bedside table and see it’s almost 10 am. I hastily get out of bed, and quickly stand up, which makes the room spin a little and pushes the breath out of my chest. I lean on my closet door before standing up straight again, grabbing my towel and clothes, and heading for the bathroom. I take the quickest shower ever, return to my room to grab my phone and hang the towel behind the door before practically running downstairs. 

I’m out of breath by the time I’ve made it to the last step, and I take a few moments to collect myself, making sure to follow the steps Dr. D had given me to get my breathing in control.

_ Today just isn’t my day, huh? _

Once my breathing is normal again, I walk towards the living room, and hear more chatter than usual. 

Unsurprisingly, I find everyone else sitting at the table, some with plates full, clearly just starting to eat, while others have been done eating a long time ago. What surprises me are the three unfamiliar faces sitting among them, one girl and two boys. Two of them are chattering with the others like they’ve known each other their whole lives, the girl and one of the boys, while the other boy is talking slightly less, but still seems pretty comfortable with the group.

Zoe is the first to look up at me, being the least invested in the conversation and the nearest to the end of the table with the best view to where I’m standing, and she nodges Annabeth with her elbow. Annabeth looks at me and she manages to stare me down with both amusement and a look that screams  _ seriously, how can you be up this late?, _ before giving me a genuine smile.

“Hey guys,” she calls out, “this is Percy, who apparently can beat Luke at getting up late.”

Luke leans from where he’s sitting two people to the left of Annabeth and smacks her playfully in the arm, trying his best to look offended. But three pairs of eyes are now planted on me with laser focus, and I try my best not to squirm uncomfortably. I wave at them, and give them my best smile, which may or may not look bad because the girl giggles softly.

“Percy, these are Silena, Grover and Charles,” Jason continuous, since Annabeth is now bickering with Luke, “Silena is Piper’s sister, she’s come to visit a few times, Grover is our friend, actually he was only friends with Annabeth, but he’s friends with all of us now, and Charles is Leo’s brother, who we just met as well, but he’s nice.”

The three of them wave at me too, and say soft  _ hi _ ’s. Now that the introductions are done, and take a seat at the table, next to Hazel, whom I’ve grown to care quite a lot, at the other end of the table.

“Morning Percy,” she says, handing over the pancake tray - she knows me so well, “you sleep good?”

“Hm, kinda, not really, I’m still a bit tired,” she frowns a little at that, “I guess I’m just didn’t rest well, but I’m good. What ‘bout you?”

“I slept pretty well myself, though are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine Hazel, don’t worry ‘bout it.”

“If you’re completely sure.”

I served myself a couple of pancakes before pouring some syrup on them, which brought a chuckle from Silena, who was sitting across from Hazel, in between Jason and Piper.

“You better be careful,” she says still smiling in amusement, “you’re gonna drown them.”

“Oh, that’s only a little,” Piper interjects before I can answer, “I swear sometimes they’re more syrup than pancake. It truly is a soggy mess.”

“Well, they’re  _ my _ pancakes, and I may like them soggy, but at least I don’t do the disgusting mess Luke does sometimes!”

“Hey! What do I have to do with your soggy ass pancakes?”

“You are aware they are disgusting, right?” Zoe offers.

“What? No, they’re not!”

“Yes, they are dude!” Jason laughs, “Who uses their pancakes as a taco tortilla and puts ketchup, eggs and bacon  _ inside _ ?”

“That’s the same as eating it separately though! It’s literally the same thing!”

“No, it’s definitely not, man.”

“I mean,” Grover speaks up, smiling shyly, “it’s not as bad as it sounds, and he’s right, it’s basically the same thing.”

“You know it’s awful, you’re just a really good friend, Grover.” 

“I honestly came here to have a good time, and I feel so attacked right now.” Luke says in his best Valley Girl impression, which makes all of us burst out laughing.

“Blame Percy, he started it,” Leo puts in.

“Hey! Actually Piper started it!”

“I was only saying the truth!”

We burst out laughing again, and when we’re done conversations return mostly to normal, but the ache in my chest is back. I rub it for a few seconds, trying to be subtle, as not to worry Hazel or Jason, the closests to me right now. I take a few deep breaths, and I feel just fine. 

I eat my pancakes enjoying the banter, and I find myself liking the three visitors. They are all so friendly and they just roll with whatever crap the others talk about. After we’re all finished eating, Dr. D and Chiron - yes, I’ve finally grown comfortable enough to call him that - join us and give those who need meds their according pills. In the case of Piper, they take her apart and Chiron gives her her daily shot of insulin. 

Afterwards, they take each of us on our daily routine checkup in the infirmary that also serves as an examination room, while we hang in the living room watching whatever we can settle on Netflix, which is already hard by itself without taking into account the opinion of 10 people. We end up watching yet another Marvel movie accepted by everyone, and as much as I love Marvel movies, it’s getting boring to watch the same 5 to 6 movies everyone likes.

I am still debating whether to discuss the pain I was feeling earlier when Zoe walks out and Dr. D leans against the door frame.

“Jackson, you’re up.”

I sigh, but get up without missing a beat and soon enough I was sitting down on the examination bed.

“So Percy,” Chiron starts, taking my pressure, “how are you feeling today?”

“I’m feeling just fine, same as everyday,” I decide to go for not telling them about earlier.

“You’re sure? You have told us that exact same answer pretty much everyday for the last week, and that’s half the time you’ve been here.”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t feel any difference, sometimes I don’t sleep well or I feel more tired, but that’s no big deal, I’m used to that.”

“See, Jackson, that’s exactly the kind of thing you should tell us.” Dr. D goes to pick up my file. “Apollo told us your stenosis was pretty agressive, but you haven’t told us many details about how you feel unless we specifically ask for them, and even then you just answer with  _ I guess _ and  _ yeah kinda _ , which doesn’t help us much.”

I sit there, turning to look at the floor as I feel my cheeks and neck heat up. I hear Dr. D sigh softly.

“What Dionysus is trying to say, Percy,” Chiron picks up, “is that you need to be a little more specific and detailed when we ask how you’re doing, because we want to help you, and for us to be able to do that, we need to know exactly how you’re feeling, we need to know if you’re getting worse, or if you need anything, especially since Apollo tells us you may be running out of time.”

I take a deep breath, and look up at them with as much courage as I can conjure.

“I know I’m bad, okay?” I intend my voice to sound harder, but something barely louder than a whisper comes out. “I know I may have months, and that Dr. Apollo is running out of ideas. But I’m not lying, when I tell you I’m not sure it’s because  _ I’m not sure _ . I’ve been living with this for over 6 years, and I always feel tired and I always feel out of breath and I often feel dizzy when I stand up. I can barely tell if I feel better or worse any given day, so I can’t give you very clear answers, and for that I am truly sorry.”

I look down again. I gain volume as I speak, and I don’t mean to, but by the end I sound bitter and somewhat angry, even if I’m not angry at either of the doctors. They remain in silence for a few seconds, and I calm myself.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound harsh or anything.” I start again, my voice much more levelled, “Besides, I had my valve repaired right before I got here, and I’m not that bad for a couple months, though if what Dr. Apollo said is true, it may take less time.”

I’m met with silence again, and this time it lasts longer. 

“Hey, Jackson look at me.”

I raise my head to stare at Dr. D, expecting anger or pity, but instead I’m met with compassion. 

“I’m sorry if what I said upset you, I tend to be harsher than I mean to, but all I truly care about is that you and all the kids out there are okay. And I understand if you can’t give us the clearest of answers, but just be honest with us, just rank from 1 to 10 how tired, or breathless you feel, or how hard it was to wake up in the morning, and anything that might help us take care of you that you feel we should know, alright?”

I nod silently, my inner quarrel of whether to talk about my pain chest from the morning or not still very present.

“So, how about from tomorrow on, you are as detailed and specific as possible, and mention every single thing that could be a sign of anything,” Chiron says, “does that sound okay?”

That statement clears my mind and erases my doubts.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“Alright then, you seem alright today, but remember to rest a bit during the day, even if we were told you slept late today.”

That gets a laugh out of me.

“Oh come on! People won’t let you sleep in peace here.”

“Trust me Jackson, they never will.”

After that, I head back into the living room and Leo goes in. The others are heatedly debating about which is the strongest Avenger, which is fucking hilarious because they weren’t talking about that when I left.

“Thor is obviously the strongest, did you even see that last battle in Ragnarok?” Jason is talking enthusiastically. “Plus he survived things none of the others would have, like crashing from the helicarrier in The Avengers or falling with Sokovia in Age of Ultron,  _ and _ he was the only one who actually harmed Thanos.”

“Bitch are you blind?” Nico says, earning a slap in the arm from Hazel, “so many of the others would have survived those situations, and Tony and Wanda both harm Thanos, besides Carol could have been done with him in Endgame if the writers weren’t rooting for the OG6 to be the stars.”

“Obviously the strongest is either Wanda, Carol or Bruce,” Annabeth says, “it’s not that the others aren’t strong, but come on, Iron Man is only human - and he’s dead -, Captain America is overrated, Thor’s strength and power is inconsistent, and there’s some you just can’t take into account, like Scott, Peter Parker, Bucky, Sam, Barton and even Nat though she’s dead too, as cool as they can be, are nearly nothing in comparison to the others. But Wanda, Carol or Bruce are fucking invincible, so the competition definitely lies between them.”

Leave it to Annabeth to find a semi-logical argument as to who is the strongest Avenger. For a moment I thought the debate was done, but Luke decided it wasn’t enough.

“Well, you forgot Doctor Strange, Chase,” he says with a smirk, “and Black Panther, and the Guardians of the Galaxy, but I don’t think they’re strong enough. Strange is a formidable hero though.”

“No, he isn’t. He can be killed easily, he may be a Master of the Mystic Arts, but he’s still very vulnerable to attack.”

“What about Spider-Man though?” I can see how much he enjoys to annoy Annabeth Not-A-Quitter Chase. “He may be portrayed childishly in the movies, but he’s pretty fucking strong in the comic canon, and he’s beaten a whole fucking lot of great enemies.”

“Spider-Man?” She looks beyond annoyed by now. “Don’t be ridiculous, he may be one of Marvel’s best heroes, but he’s far from being the strongest-”

“ _ Por su puta madre, _ you’re still fighting over this guys, I thought we’d agreed on Thor?” Leo stepped out of the infirmary as Dr. D called in Piper.

I gasped in indignation at his words, and everyone stopped talking. Leo stopped in his tracks, as Piper turned around in amusement before being ushered in by Dr. D, who rolled his eyes at us.

“What?” Leo asks me. “You don’t agree Thor is the strongest?”

“No, it’s not that!” I say still appalled, “My mom would beat me up if she heard me say something like that, and she’d never hurt me in my life.”

“She doesn’t think Thor is the strongest?” He laughs.

“No, dumbass!  _ Por su puta madre _ . Like I can curse as much as I want, but she draws the line whenever  _ madre _ , specifically in Spanish, is included.”

“Oh that’s all?” he exhaled in relief, “I thought I’d done something wrong- wait, you speak Spanish?”

“Well, obviously man, my mom has always taught me Spanish, and my apartment building was almost entirely Latinos.”

“That’s awesome man! ¿ _ De qué parte de Latinoamérica eres _ ?”

“ _ En realidad, nací en Grecia y crecí acá en  _ New York _ , pero mi mamá es de Ecuador, y he pasado toda mi vida con gente de Argentina, Venezuela, Chile, Bolivia, Guatemala, El Salvador, México, Colombia, de todo. Tú me suenas de México. _ ”

“ _ Obvio, wey, nacido allá, me mude acá cuando tenía unos 5 quizás. _ ”

“Wait, what’s happening?” Zoe interrupted us.

I turned to look back at the others, who were mostly staring at us in confusion, except for Luke.

“Percy seems to be Latino just like our small friend Leo,” he says smiling.

“Yeah!” Leo beams proudly, “isn’t that amazing! I’m finally not the only one!”

“You’re Latino, huh? I don’t know how I didn’t guess sooner, but where are you from?” Annabeth asks.

“Well, my family is from Ecuador, but I’ve lived here most of my life, though I was born in Greece. And I guess it was never brought up, though I’m really proud of my heritage.”

“That’s nice, I’ve always wanted to visit South America,” Hazel says, “most countries seem so lively and exciting.”

“I’ve only been once to where my mom’s from, and it is pretty cool, I’d recommend going over there 14 outta 10. I’d love to go visit again.”

“Percy _ , mano, _ ” Leo puts tries to put an arm around my shoulder, but he’s about 3 to 4 inches shorter than me, “ _ cuando estemos mejor nos vamos a ir en un tour por todo Latinoamérica, vamos a ver todas las playas, me oyes?” _

I try not to grimace at his words.  _ Once we’re all better _ . I can’t tell if I’m ever going to get better. I try to think of something to reply to him, and find myself speechless.

“So, did y’all finally stop fighting over that foolishness?” Piper walked back towards her seat next to Jason, which thankfully allows me to ignore what Leo said.

Instead, I walk over and sit down in a bean bag next to Nico and Luke, “Nah, they were still arguing last I checked.”

“We stopped arguing though?” Luke said in fake offense.

“We weren’t even talking about that anymore,” Annabeth pointed out.

“Hey Pipes,” Jason turns to look at his girlfriend, “did you know Percy was Latino, too?”

“I mean, I had my suspicions he wasn’t white,” she smiles at me, “don’t get me wrong, it’s not that you look non-white, just call it a hunch.”

“You and your weird feelings, McLean,” Zoe chuckles from where she’s laying in the couch with her head in Annabeth’s lap and her legs over the armrest, “Not only are you incredibly persuasive, but you also just have such a strong gut feeling, I admire that.”

“She’s always been like that,” Silena speaks up fondly, “I remember once a few years ago, were going to the park, and-”

“Hey,” Luke leans in to whisper to me, and I lose focus of what Silena was saying, “Just so you know, you both drool and speak in your sleep.”

I feel my cheeks and neck heat up in embarrassment. “What?”

“Yeah, you often speak Spanish, so that’s how I already knew you were somehow of Hispanic family or whatever.”

“Oh! God, that’s lowkey embarrassing…”

“Nah, I don’t think so, it’s kinda funny, just don’t worry about it.”

I was about to reply when I get interrupted.

“Speaking of parks,” Hazel leans forward in clear excitement, “can we go out today? Heckscher Park is only a few blocks from here.”

“Yeah, that’d be so cool, so many dogs to pet there.” Leo matches Hazel’s enthusiasm.

“We’d have to ask Dr. D and Chiron,” Jason says, “Though I don’t see why we wouldn’t have permission-”

“What would you have to ask permission today?” Dr. D walks out the infirmary, followed by Chiron.

“Well, the park, Heckscher is not far from here, and we’d love to get some fresh air.”

“First, think of a better excuse than  _ fresh air _ ,” he says mockingly, “and yeah, you know we have nothing against that, you’re all doing okay today.”

“We could perfectly leave after lunch.” Chiron turns to Silena, Charles and Grover. “Would you three join us?”

“I’d love to, but I should get going soon,” Charles says, checking the time in his watch.

“Yeah, me too,” Silena frowns sadly, “I have to get back home and help mom with something.”

“You know I have no problem staying,” Grover smiled softly.

“Alright then,” Mr. D continues, “but none of you better had lied today, ‘cause I’m letting all of you go, but if any of you is feeling bad, tell us, and either Chiron or I will stay here with ya.”

Some of my friends cheer at that, and nod at him, which eases him, as he heads upstairs.

Silena and Charles both bid goodbye and leave shortly after, and before we know it, lunch is over, and we’re getting ready to go to the park.

I can’t pinpoint why, but I’m oddly excited. I haven’t really gone outside other than the patio and the small grove in the very back of the property in the two weeks I’ve been here. Going somewhere blocks away from here is very thrilling.

I’m alone in my room, taking a hoodie out of my closet, when the pain strikes again, this time worse than earlier today. It pushes the air out of my lungs, and it takes some strength for me not to cough as violently as my lungs desire. It takes me a few minutes of panting and soft coughs for my breath to get back to normal, and it leaves me slightly tired.

Mr. D’s demand to tell him the truth and for me to be honest with him ring in my head, but I can tell him about this later. At the moment all that matters is getting to live my life, and going out with my friends. I ignore my heart, still beating hard against my chest, put on the hoodie and go downstairs, where most are already waiting.

In a beat, we’re on our way to the park in the van, and true to Hazel words, it takes us no more than a couple of minutes to get there. As Dr. D parks, and helps Chiron out, we get off the van and go towards the entrance, except for Zoe, who stays to help push Chiron.

“Hey!” Dr. D shouts at us, “Don’t get too far from us, and be careful!”

I’m so happy to being out I totally forget about my troubles of the day, and just stand there in front of all the trees, the beautiful lake in the middle and just the feeling of serenity in front of me.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Nico speaks from beside me, grinning widely, which he doesn’t do much, “I love coming here, it just brings me peace despite everything.”

“Yeah,” I exhale slowly, “This place feels like a small cocoon of magic.”

“Just wait to see the lake from up close,” Luke says, patting me on the back, “come this way.”

The three of us walk along the path, and I trust both Nico and Luke know where they are going. I can see Jason and Piper brought their own blanket, and they sit down in the grass below the shade of some trees. Leo and Hazel, again true to their word, are in the main trail, waiting for dog-owners to pass by so they can pet them. Annabeth and Grover decided to walk on the trail towards some beautiful gardens, with flowers of all colors. And Zoe stays by Chiron‘s side in the grass conversing with him, with Dr. D in a wooden table right behind them.

I pay attention to our path, with all kinds of stones, trees and flowers lining the sides and beyond. I see where we are headed, and it’s a truly beautiful stone bridge, where a couple in matching outfits stands feeding some geese. We walk up the bridge, next to the two ladies. I feel myself smile wider than I have in the last couple years, as all the tension leaves my body. 

“See,” Luke says, “I told you this would be fantastic.”

“This place is my favorite in all of town,” Nico whispers.

“Hey, kids,” says one of the women, appearing to be in her late 30s, “would you like some food for the geese?”

“There’s really no point in being this close to them if you’re not going to feed them,” says the other woman, handing us a bag of seeds and bread crumbs.

“Thank you!” Nico beams at them and starts to throw food at the geese. 

“Thank you so much,” Luke tells them, “we appreciate it a lot.”

“It’s no problem, kid, we’ve been here quite some time, we should get going anyway.”

“Thanks again! Have a nice day,” I call out as they walk away and wave.

“Hey Nico, share some of that.”

We stay there for quite a while, laughing as we watch the geese and even some bigger fish eat the food and play around. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been such at ease.

It was doomed to be ruined somehow. 

Luke checks his watch for the time. “We should get going guys, Dr. D usually doesn’t let us stay that much time.”

“Aw, since when do you care about what he allows us to do or not?” Nico frowns at him.

“Since Zoe stayed by them for a reason, and I don’t want her being her too long if she’s not feeling good.”

Nico continues to frown, this time at the lake, Luke staring at him expectantly as I stand in silence, not knowing what to do or say. Finally, Nico sighs.

“Fine, let’s go then,” he pouts now, “but I’m taking this with me and keeping it.”

Luke chuckles softly, “That’s fine, Nico, let’s go.”

We start walking back to where Dr. D, Chiron and Zoe must still be, and that’s when things go to shit.

In a second, I feel my body come to a sudden halt, and my chest hurts so bad, it’s as if someone were squeezing my heart and lungs. I let out a sound between a grunt and a whimper as I bring a hand to my throat, as it closes up and my vision starts to lose focus.

“Percy?” 

I can’t identify who’s even speaking, all I can concentrate on is the  _ pain _ and the helplessness as I can’t bring myself to get a single breath of air. 

_ What the fuck is happening to me? Am I dying? _

I see a face above me, their lips moving, but I can’t recognize their face, as it all blurries and it’s starting to darken around the edges of my vision, nor register a single word they’re saying.

_ Wait, when did I get to the floor? _

I can hear shouts around me, desperate and as helpless as I am, as well as cries, though that may just be me. 

_ Please, make it  _ stop, _ make the pain stop. I can’t take it anymore. _

The last thing I see is a pair of concerned of pretty blue eyes before it all fades to black.

_________

I happen to enjoy this darkness I find myself in. It’s peaceful and quiet, and it took away everything. The pain, the tiredness, the feeling like death is around the corner, the sadness and the fear. It’s all gone. Instead there’s just pure bliss, despite it being dark.

I almost forget what’s it like to  _ feel _ , and as much as that terrifies me, it brings such relief my way, even if I feel utter guilt at that thought.

I have no idea of how much time passes as I just lie in the darkness, numb to the world for once. But eventually my tranquility is disturbed.

Feeling returns slowly, and the first thing I feel is the wave of exhaustion that settles over my body and mind, as if suddenly I were holding the weight of the skies in my shoulders.

I’m lying down in a soft bed, covered with a blanket, but I still feel cold all over. I can hear a soft and steady beat and harsh lights behind my eyelids, and my mind recognizes where I am in an instant.

_ I’ve been in hospital rooms enough times already. _

I don’t want to, but I sluggishly open my heavy eyes, and I’m met with bright lights that force me to squint. Just like I presumed, the hospital room I’m in is clean and  _ white _ . The place feels unfamiliar even in my groggy state, so I know it’s not really the hospital back home.

I expect to see my mom or Paul in the room, but instead I’m met only by Dr. D, who’s texting on his phone, sitting down on a chair by the bed.

“Dr. D?” I whisper hoarsely. 

His head immediately snaps up at me, and I’m taken aback by the hard look on his face. He stands

“Percy! You’re awake earlier than we expected. How are you feeling?”

“‘m tired.” I scan the room again, looking for anything that could indicate my mom’s here. “Where ‘m I? Where’s m’ mom?”

“You’re at Huntington Hospital buddy, and as for your mom, I believe she’s still in traffic, it was rush hour when we called her after all,” he hands me a small glass of water and helps me drink a couple sips, “but she should be here soon with your step-father, and Apollo should be here soon too. Do you remember what happened?”

“Hmm,” I think for a moment and my head starts to clear a little, “not much, I just remember feeling this pain out of nowhere, and I couldn’t breathe very well, then it cuts to black.”

“That’s pretty much what happened,” he sits back down, moving the chair closer to the bed. “Remember how Apollo told you that you were showing signs of bradycardia? Well it happened. It’s pretty common for people with aortic stenosis to develop arrhythmias. Your heart just beat too slow, that added to your condition, you almost went into cardiac arrest. Thankfully, you didn’t, but you still passed out.”

I look down at my lap, chewing on my lip in worry. I really almost died today.

“You worried us all pretty bad, especially Nico, and he wanted to come here, but we couldn’t let any of the kids in here, so they went home with Chiron while we came here.”

“I’m so sorry”, my voice cracks, and it comes out so softly I am surprised he heard me.

“Don’t be, you couldn’t have controlled anything,  _ but _ I know for a fact that you must have felt bad earlier, and you didn’t care to mention,  _ even if _ we specifically asked you to be honest,” he gives me a pointed look, and I honestly feel like crying.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was that bad, I just wanted to have some time as a normal person, I-I,” I take a deep breath, “I didn’t know this would happen, I was going to tell you tomorrow.”

“There’s no point in being angry about that now,” he sighs, “just don’t do it again, alright?”

“Yes, I promise I’ll be completely honest from now on.”

He sighs again. “Alright, anyway, we had to intervene to help your heart and try to get rid of the arrhythmia, so we had to put in a pacemaker.”

“A what?” I exhale, my eyes widening.

“A pacemaker,” he stands up and pushes my gown down a little, revealing a small disk-like  _ thing _ under my skin, “it’s a small machine that helps your heart beat regularly.”

I gaze at it like it is an alien, so foreign and looking out of place.  _ I hate it. _

“It’s gonna take some time for you to get used to it, but it won’t bother you, and you won’t even notice it’s there soon enough.” He notices my frown. “It’s there to help you, even if you hate it now.”

I look up at his honest stare, and I can’t help but trust his words. I nod at him trying to go for a soft smile, but I’m not sure I managed it. I find myself yawning, despite having woken up what feels like minutes ago.

“You must still be tired, it has been a stressful day for your body,” he says,  _ finally  _ turning off the bright light above the bed, “why don’t you try to sleep some more? I’ll let you know when your mom is here.”

“S’re,” is all I mumble, before I close my eyes once more. 

I hear Dr. D walk over to the door and open it, and before I can fall asleep, I hear a soft whisper.

“Why do they have to die this young?”

I hear the door closing, and his words follow me to my sleep.


	4. Staring at the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm very behind on my writing schedule, but I still wanted to stick to my weekly updates, hopefully I get to catch up this week.
> 
> I wanted to thank all of you for your support, it really means the world to me, and it's the only thing that keeps me motivated.
> 
> Also, I'm very invested in my own story, so I made a playlist on Spotify that you can check by going to the following link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1YB4zFSTNS4tLMKpda8gs2?si=ZQbXkmqiTtqOlC6qsHb4-A . You can listen to all the songs I take the opening lyrics from, plus some others that inspire me to write this. The song referenced in this chapter is Holy Smoke by Palace, you can find it in the playlist :) I might also add more songs on the way. 
> 
> I hope you like this, I've put a lot of effort in it, and it's the longest chapter I've ever written. This goes to you, I hope you're all okay, stay safe.

“There's some people and I

Who have a really tough time getting through this life

So excuse us while we sing to the sky" 

twenty one pilots,  _ Screen _

**Chapter 4: Staring at the Stars**

I was discharged from the hospital the next day, and even though I still felt tired for the surgery, I felt better than I had for the last couple of days.

The time at the hospital was very bittersweet, as short as it was.

My mom was beyond distraught. She cried and apologized over and over again for not being able to be there or not being able to come earlier. 

“Mom, I’m okay,” I had whispered to her, running my fingers through her hair, as she sobbed against my shoulder, “there’s nothing any of us could have done.”

She looked miserable as her face twister with guilt, the exact same look I would have on my face when I’d feel like a burden to her, except this time, she felt like she failed me, and it hurt beyond words to see I was the cause of her pain and anguish.

She composed herself when both Dr. Apollo and Dr. D assured her that the condition had worsened so rapidly, it was a blessing I had been there at Delphi House - it was Heckscher Park really, but that’s not the point - and I was less than 5 minutes away from the hospital, so they could treat me before anything major happened. They said I was lucky. 

My mom felt slightly better after that, especially when both doctors said nothing like that should happen again.

“Arrhythmias are common, and like I told you last time I saw you,” Dr. Apollo said, “Percy was already showing signs of bradycardia, but there was nothing to do back then, and I didn’t expect it to aggravate that quickly.”

“What matters is that the pacemaker is in place now, and he won’t be going through anything like this again,” Dr. D spoke up, “It may not treat his aortic stenosis, but it most likely will help you feel better for the next couple of months.”

“You’re gonna be alright now Percy.”

That conversation had taken place that night at my hospital room. I stayed there overnight for observation, but everything must have been alright, because by morning, Dr. D said I would be discharged after lunch, as per his and Dr. Apollo’s words.

My mom was so reluctant to leave, I was already expecting her to stay at Huntington, but she couldn’t stay. The few minutes later that it took to drive back to Delphi House, my mom bid yet another woe goodbye, this time more teary and desperate than last time. It took Dr. D’s assurances and even some medical statistics for her to hug me and drive away with Paul.

When I stepped through the door, I was greeted by several pairs of arms, which I couldn’t even recognize. But I was able to identify one small and shaky voice.

“Don’t you ever do that again!” Nico said between sobs, “It was so scary- you were fine- and then you were not fine anymore! I thought I’d lose you too-”

I couldn’t do anything but hug him back in shock. I mean, I knew we’d grown close, but I didn’t know I already meant something to Nico. 

“I’m sorry Nico, I- it happened out of nowhere,” I took him by the shoulders and he wiped his tears rather angrily, “I’m okay though, and that won’t happen again, alright?”

The whole ‘welcome back’ was bleek, as Piper and Hazel also had tears running down their faces, while the rest looked either downcast or relieved. Anyway, I couldn’t help the blazing accountability that took over my chest. 

I knew too well that I was dying, but there was no way I was going down without a fight. Not after I had regrettably grown too close to these people, these friends. Not if it meant they’d wear these looks on their faces again.

I explained everyone what had happened, and after a million reassurances, they understood things would get better - for now. They then started showering me with hugs and care, which overwhelmed me a little, but it felt special, meaningful.

That night, after everything had settled and things gone back to normal, if a little wary, as we sat in my bed watching videos on YouTube, he made me cornered.

“I know that look too well,” he had murmured, never removing his eyes from the screen, “the one where you’re trying to convince everyone that you’re fine, maybe even yourself, but you know your days are counted.”

I could only stare at him, mouth agape, because there he was, with pained eyes, exposing my insides. For the first time in only the two weeks I’d been there, he was putting down the  _ suave _ facade, and putting himself out there. He turned to look at me

“I’ve seen it before too many times at the hospital. I have a brain tumor, an inoperable glioma, so the doctors have tried lots of things on me. Drugs, radiotherapy, a couple rounds of chemo, even surgery against recommendations, and nothing has worked. The odds of surviving much time once the tumor is detected is very low. Many of the people I’ve gotten to know at the cancer wing at the hospital have died. My own time is unpredictable. I’ve seen that look too many times. I wear it myself sometimes.” He took a deep breath. “So be honest Jackson, how bad is it?”

I was speechless. The truth was something I didn’t enjoy talking about, but I couldn’t lie to him after he was that genuine to me.

“Six to eight months,” I whispered, and my eyes started to sting, “but you weren’t supposed to find out about that. I’ve had countless procedures done, but my body won’t accept a mechanical replacement of my aortic valve. Nothing they do is permanent, they’re just giving me time. The only thing to hope for is a heart transplant, but that’s very hard to get. I’ve been on the list for over a year. There’s not much hope for me, my heart is doomed to fail.”

I wiped the few tears that escaped from my eyes. I couldn’t look him at him. I was so tired of everything. 

“Hey,” he whispered, as he put a hand on my shoulder, “you can’t give up on yourself. There’s always hope, okay? You can’t forget that. You can’t lose hope. Everything will be doomed  _ then _ , but you’re not dying on me, alright? We’ll make it through it.”

I looked at him through blurry eyes, and found only sincerity, and a hopeful smile. I was soothed by it, and nodded at him.

“Yeah, we’ll fight through this. But promise not to tell anyone else, I’m not ready yet.”

“I promise, as long as you’re not in danger or anything.”

Since that night, I found myself sleeping better at night, as I didn’t have to carry the burden of my big fat secret by myself anymore. The weight on my shoulders felt lighter.

And I did feel better after the initial discomfort of the procedure wore off. Much better than I had in months. I felt oddly stronger, and more awake, which was a relief. Everyone else had been doing just fine, even exceptional, which was like finding a four leaf clover. 

In fact everything was so good, that only the week after getting the pacemaker, we were ready to have go on a trip. Apparently those were recurring, and these would be my first.

Zoe’s birthday was coming up, and all she wanted was to visit Montauk, where some of the best points in all of New York for stargazing are located. The others kept pointing out the beautiful places to visit at Montauk, but Zoe was more than fixed that the best thing would be the stars.

Everyone had permission to go, even if some parents were reluctant to give us permission, in particular my mom and Leo’s dad. 

“But Montauk is so far away, Percy,” she had said with a frown that hid her concern poorly, “what if something happens again? You won’t be able to get help fast enough, Montauk is hours away.”

“I’ll be fine, mom, I’ve been feeling much better than the last couple of weeks, I’m okay.” I had assured her the best I could. “Besides, we’ve been talking more with Dr. D, and I’m learning my limits. If I start feeling bad in any way, I’ll just tell him and we’ll head back. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Either way, we found ourselves heading to Montauk Point, the best place to stargaze according to Annabeth - and Google.

Zoe was looking ecstatic to be going to Montauk, after all she had told me it was her favorite place to visit with her mom before she got bad. 

Actually, scratch what I said before about everyone being just fine. Zoe wasn’t just fine. She had been very weak and seemingly in quite some pain lately.

The other day, when I got out of bed late at night to go to the bathroom, I overheard a conversation she was having with Annabeth, just across the hall.

“I know the surgery can make it better, alright?” She was crying, her breath hitched and she sounded nasally. “Mom doesn’t understand, neither do Dr. D or Chiron, but I don’t want to have it done! I don’t expect anyone to understand, because I would trade anything over feeling like this, feeling like death is knocking at my door, but not for that. I’m old enough to decide, I don’t want the surgery.”

“I know Zoe, but you have to get where we’re all coming from. We’re just worried about you-”

“Don’t you think I know that? But if I have that surgery, I’m losing myself.”

“If you do nothing, you’re losing the fight.”

I felt guilty then, and headed back to my room, choosing not to share what I heard, because it felt too personal. However, I couldn’t help but notice Zoe and Annabeth had been distant since that night, nor I could stop myself from paying more attention to her wellbeing and making sure she was okay.

She had said something about Dr. D and Chiron not seeing eye to eye with her, so I imagined they would not allow the trip to take place in the first place, or at the very least not be in a place as far as Montauk.

But here we were, riding down Sunrise Highway, to a cabin near the Montauk Lighthouse that Dr. D owned. 

Everyone looked gleeful out of their minds. You could see it in their eyes, and the way everyone just radiated excitement. Despite that, concern for each other made its way through all that positivity, in the out-of-the-corner-of-the-eye glances, and the whispers of ‘are you okay?’. But no one was letting the high mood go down. No way.

Zoe was basically glowing, hanging in the farthest seat in the van by herself, staring out the window just taking in the rushing air and warm sun, with closed eyes and a soft smile, her shoulders relaxed. She seemed as if all her discomfort had gone away. She looked at peace.

Luke and Annabeth, sitting in the front-most seats were whispering to each other from time to time in worried and angry tones respectively. They both kept stealing glances at Zoe, who was paying the least attention to them possible. Neither of them made to approach her, so I decided to give her some company, leaving behind the very animated conversation about astrology some of the others were having.

I sat down next to her, and she must have felt the motion, because she opened her eyes and turned to look at me.

Three weeks ago, she would have looked at me with much dissatisfaction, almost as if my mere presence bothered her. This was apparently not personal, and Zoe simply didn’t trust people easily, especially men. Luke had told me it just took time for her to warm up to others, but he didn’t share much else, which I understood was because of her privacy.

But at that moment, the look of usual annoyance was more curiosity and intrigue, which made me feel proud of myself, in all honesty. I was starting to get somewhere. She still had that cold stare, but she must have decided I was unimportant, because she turned back to the window.

I shivered slightly sitting there, as the rolled-down window seemed to make the back area of the van colder. Zoe had been sitting here for a while now, but she wasn’t wearing anything to protect her from the cold. I decided to give it a shot.

“Aren’t you cold?” I asked shyly, and she turned to me, frowning a little. “I mean, the air rushing by is cool, and it’s making this part colder than the rest of the van… I was just curious that’s all, and I may be a little sensitive to the cold.”

She continued staring at me, just like a little child would at a weird animal they found in their garden, as if it was alien, as if  _ I _ was alien. But I wouldn’t stand down or give up in my attempt to become her friend, and I decided to stare out the window instead, ignoring her gaze, until I saw a smile creep up her face.

“You truly are something else, aren’t you?” She was chuckling softly, trying to hide her amusement behind her hands. I found myself smiling too.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked trying to start a conversation, and also hiding my self doubt. 

“Well, everyone else wouldn’t have come too near with that stare, I do it on bloody purpose, to keep others away, especially guys,” she shrugged, the mocking smirk never leaving her face, “no matter what, the others aren’t as comfortable with me around, and I like it that way.”

I frowned at that. “Why do you want to keep the others away? Actually, they don’t seem to be uncomfortable around you, I think you’re making that up.”

“I’d guess that’s open for debate, but firstly, I don’t really trust guys, except Luke because he made me warm up to him, the bastard, and secondly, it’ll make it easier when I leave soon.”

“When you leave? Are you going back to England? I’m kinda assuming you are from England.”

“No, Percy, I’m not leaving for England, and yes I am English, I’m talking about something else, if you get what I mean.”

She stared knowingly at me, like I was stupid for not understanding, and she didn’t seem to want to phrase it completely. Until it all clicked, and my face fell.

“Oh,” was all I could whisper. I stayed silent for a moment, staring at my lap, as Zoe looked at me expectantly. “I get what you mean, but I guess it’s too late for that.”

I turned towards the others, rambling and ironically fighting, all but Annabeth that was, who was sneaking glances our way. Even Dr. D and Chiron seemed to be listening to the ranting, while conversing with each other. 

A smile grew on my face. I had grown too fond of them all, even scary and closed off Zoe.

“And I’m sorry to announce that it’s too late in your case too, I may not have been here for long, but I can tell they care for you as much as you care about them.”

Her previously carefree gaze, turned cold again, this time a glare directed personally at me. I wouldn’t shy away though, because that’s exactly what she wanted to accomplish.

“You don’t get too decide whether we care about you or not, and I’m not sorry about that.”

Her eyes softened, but she still frowned at me. I turned to look out the window, watching the cars speed by, and enjoying the sun on my face. The sun was starting to lose its heat, as fall caused the trees to turn to fiery reds and oranges. 

“I don’t mind the cold.” Zoe said after a few minutes of silence, slightly startling me, and I turned to look at her. “My condition, disease, whatever you want to call it… I don’t deal well with heat, so I’ve come to appreciate the cold, and it also numbs the pain a little.”

“Are you hurting?” It saddened me that she enjoyed the cold because it was better than the alternative.

“Sometimes, though lately it has been most times.” 

“Dr. D and Chiron still let you come though?”

“Like I said Percy,” she smiled sadly, “soon.”

It broke my heart the way she said it. I refused to let her words sink in, to process their meaning, because it would only hurt. I wasn’t losing anyone soon.

“We all have highs and lows, don’t think like that, you’ll feel better soon.”

Her smile remained nostalgic, but she let the subject drop and so did I. Instead, I changed the topic.

“Why don’t you tell me about the stars? I heard you love them.”

Most of the rest of the drive, even after Sunrise Highway became Montauk Highway and we were able to see the ocean in the horizon, we talked, just the two of us. About stars, and the sea, and just whatever topic came next. 

Eventually, we both joined the others’ conversation, who somehow always managed to find something to bicker about.

“Reboots and remakes of old movies are lame and they suck, just face it.” That was Leo.

“Just because plots change, and topical approaches are not the same as 40 years ago, it doesn’t mean remakes suck Leo, plus special effects and cinematography in general makes it much better.” That was Jason.

We couldn’t help but join into that conversation, despite the fact that 20 minutes later, at arriving at the cabin, the argument hadn’t been settled.

I hadn’t looked out the window that much in the last minutes before arriving, too busy with my friends. But the view right then and there left me speechless.

The lowering sun painted the skies and the seas beautiful purples and oranges, which in turn casted golden highlights everywhere. Long Island Sound was the most beautiful thing, serene and quiet, with only the random interruption of birds singing among the trees. This place was the epitome of peace.

“You get why I love this place this much?” Zoe asked me, standing by my side, staring earnestly at the horizon. 

“Totally,” I whispered.

We didn’t get to stand there for much, before Dr. D motioned for us to get to the burgundy cabin we were staying at, his own cabin.

The place wasn’t as big as Delphi House, nor did it have as many rooms, instead it having only two stories; 3 guest bedrooms for 3 people in the second story, and 1 guest bedroom for 2, and the master bedroom in the first floor, along as the dining room and the kitchen. Outside, on a big porch, there was a living area with couches, swinging chairs and another dinner table.

“Alright guys, you know the deal, choose whichever room you want, Dr. D and I have the guest bedroom down here.”

“Just please, for the love of god, don’t do anything you’re not supposed to, neither I nor you will stand any of you getting pregnant or anything.”

Everyone laughed but Leo and Nico were already racing upstairs to claim their rooms. The others were heading upstairs too, and I stood in the back not sure how to go with the fact that I had to share rooms, and I had to ask someone if I could join them. That made me shrink back, because despite growing comfortable with them, I still had issues when asking for things from them, whether that was company, or something as simple as passing the salt.

“Hey, hurry Percy, we wouldn’t want the last room!” I heard Luke exclaim, which both startled me and made me feel all sorts of things inside. He really didn’t need to keep me as a roommate. Even if I knew we’d grown closer, I knew he’d been friends with the others for far longer than me. Warmth flooded me.

I hurried upstairs -where three rooms were to each side, up in the middle, one to the right and one to the left-, and saw a chaos as the others were discussing for the beds. All but Luke, who was standing in front of the door to the room in the middle, with his limbs stretched to make sure no one else entered, leaving a small room for argument, and Hazel who was simply standing to the side smiling at the others in amusement. I went to stand by her.

“Sometimes it’s just better to let them kill each other and then take the best room,” she said.

“What is the best room though? I bet they all have amazing views and all.”

“Well, the middle room has the best view, you can see Long Island Sound in all its glory. The right room gets hit with sunlight in the early morning, it sucks to be woken up at 6 am because of some sun. And the left room is just… bland, it’s whatever, nothing special.”

I laughed at her expression. 

“Luke already has the middle room though, Jason usually manages to get it first, but I guess Luke was determined this time.”

Like she said, the others seemed to have given up on getting inside the room, and Piper was heading our way, while Luke beamed triumphally. 

“Hazel, why don’t we take the room downstairs? It’s better than these other two,” Piper said, taking Hazel by the hand.

“Totally, come on,” they went down the stairs, “See ya Percy!”

I stood there, as Jason and Leo reluctantly took the right room, and Annabeth and Zoe hesitantly took the left room, leaving me and Nico standing there.

“Come on guys,” Luke motioned us in, “I didn’t fight for this room just for you to stand there.”

Nico and I obliged, following him inside. 

The room was as beautiful as the others made it to be, as the view of a glistening Long Island Sound greeted us through the window as we stepped in. I’m not sure if it was because of the added height, or because the sun had moved to another angle, but it looked much more beautiful from up there. 

“The view is spectacular,” I turned to Luke, who had placed his bag in the one single bed, “thank you for this.”

“Oh it’s nothing, don’t worry ‘bout it.” 

Nico had already climbed into the top bunk bed, so that only left me the bottom one. I placed my bag on the bed, but I didn’t stop watching the scenery.

“Have you ever come here to Montauk, Percy?”

“I used to come here with my mom when I was small,” I searched my thoughts for the last time we’d been here, “but I can’t have been older than 6 last time we came. You guys come here often?”

“Well, this would be the third time we come here, but Nico wasn’t here yet the first time we came,” Luke explained.

“I still love this place,” Nico exclaimed, “it’s my favorite place in New York.”

“It is very beautiful, I can see why.”

I didn’t bother unpacking since we would only be staying one night. I simply took my blue hoodie out of my bag, and left the bag on the bed. Luke and Nico did unpack, and place their stuff in one drawer of the wardrobe each.

“I’m gonna go down and appreciate the view from the porch,” I said, taking my phone with me.”

“Sure go ahead, I bet we’ll go downstairs soon too.”

As I made my way to the porch, I made sure to text my mom we had arrived already. I sat down in one of the swinging chairs, just staring at the sea.

We were actually close to the beach, so I could almost smell and  _ feel  _ the sea breeze. It was so pacific, it reminded me of when things were easier, and I didn’t have to worry about anything. 

The Montauk Lighthouse stood tall not too far away either. We wouldn’t be able to go after all, because the place was packed with tourists, but it was still a marvel to look at from the distance.

Something about the place seemed strangely familiar and comfortable, as if I’d been here before, which I knew sounded crazy. We’d only stayed at rental houses by the beach with my mom, and none were as big as this one. There was no way I had been here before.

An memory flashed in my mind, of a younger me running around the beach playing with a black haired man with bright green eyes. I could remember laughter, squeals of joy, and strong arms around me, lifting me off the sand. A voice I couldn’t recognize rang through my head, joined by the comforting voice of my mom.

I was startled out of my head by a loud sound coming from inside, and blinking rapidly, shaking the confusion off my mind, I turned to look at Piper and Hazel, who were coming outside. 

I turned back to the sea, frowning and taking deep breaths.

_ What the hell was that? _

“Hey Perce, you alright?” Piper asked worriedly.

“Yeah, yeah, I think I just had deja vu or something.” I shook the rest of my daze away, and smiled at them, throwing the memory to the back of my head, where it couldn’t bother me. “You guys done unpacking?”

Piper still stared at me with narrowed eyes, as if she could feel I wasn’t alright, while Hazel frowned slightly, seeing through my lie. But I’ve been bullshitting my way through life, so I kept the lazy smile and both dropped it off.

“Actually, we didn’t even bother,” Piper said, sitting down on a loveseat, as Hazel sat down in another swinging chair, “we’re only staying a night, so where’s the need to unpack?”

“Exactly my thoughts!”

We talked as if nothing happened. Soon enough, the others joined us, and I noticed Annabeth and Zoe sat next to each other again, no longer looking tense or uncomfortable, which must mean they made up and were back on good terms. 

It’s crazy how time flies by when you’re just enjoying some time with your friends, having a detox from the internet -  _ god I sound like a basic person -  _ and playing board games for hours.

After what felt like nothing, the sun was setting, and Dr. D came out with a cake for Zoe, who looked close to tears, but she smiled softly at him and Chiron.

We sang ‘Happy Birthday’ in mismatched and uncoordinated tones, as Zoe laughed, with Annabeth’s arms around her shoulders in an awkward-looking side hug.

“Thank you guys,” she said with a choked voice, “you’re all amazing, I couldn’t ask for a better family, excluding my mom of course. You have made my life much better. all of you.”

She stared pointedly at me with her last words, and I smiled in gratitude at her. We all cheered for her, as Dr. D went to prepare dinner and Chiron cut the cake.

One word resonated deep within me.  _ Family _ . I was so scared of that word, but now that it was out there, all I could feel was happiness. 

The night went by as we ate and some shared their favorite stories with or about Zoe. We laughed, we enjoyed, we joked around, and overall we had an amazing time. 

Dr. D and Chiron left for bed around 11 pm.

“Be responsible,” Dr. D narrowed his eyes at us, “don’t you dare do something stupid, dangerous or both.”

After they left, we dragged the bean bags and some blankets outside, and lied down in the grass, staring at the sky. The stars shone brightly, and the sky was clear of both clouds and invasive light, the people of Montauk making sure not to leave lights on that cover the stars' sparkle. 

We stayed out there past midnight, talking quietly about nothing and everything. Slowly, the others started leaving. 

Hazel was the first to leave, since it had been getting colder and colder, and her anemia made it hard for her to stand the cold. Piper went with her, while Jason and Leo led them inside, going to bed as well. Nico went after, and Luke went with him, in order not to leave him alone. 

It was only Zoe, Annabeth and me left, staring in silence above, doing what Zoe was looking forward to the most.

The air was still, and the only sounds to be heard were the soft splashes of the ocean against the rocks down on the beach, the twigs snapping under night creatures, the hoot of owls and the wind gently rocking the leaves of the trees.

It was genuine bliss, as just like Zoe had said, the coldness numbed everything but that feeling of unbreakable contentment.

Zoe started humming a familiar tune, breaking the silence, smiling warmly at the sky despite the cold biting our skin and her trembling hands, but those had been a common thing lately.

I realized then that coming here was more than to celebrate her birthday. She was making peace with her destiny. 

But I refused to believe this was her saying goodbye to this place, even if the tune she was humming told me otherwise. 

“ _ You asked for my hand, I gave you mine, for the last time _ ,” I sang softly the next words to the song, and glanced at Zoe, who stopped humming and turned to me in surprise, “ _ you looked in my soul, you said it’s time _ .”

I gave her a smile, and her eyes filled with tears a little. 

“ _ You’ll be just fine, _ ” Annabeth continued, having rolled on her stomach to stare at us both, “ _ I’ve seen holy smoke out the window, you’ll rise up through the shadows with a new glow.” _

_ “Farewell my friend, it’s over now,” _ Annabeth and I sang together, “ _ beware, my friend. _ ”

Zoe now had tears running down her cheeks, and we stopped singing, standing and moving closer to her.

“ _ Sometimes my father's looking up, how he yearns to hear your voice _ ” Zoe sang, wiping the tears from her cheeks, and looking at the sky, “ _ If there's a god, how could he mold a life so cruel, yet so bold. _ ”

Annabeth and I joined her again for the rest of the song, singing with as much feeling as we could muster nearly at 2 am without having a breakdown ourselves, at least speaking for myself.Cain

“ _ I've seen holy smoke out the window, you'll rise up through the shadows with a new glow _ ,” we were whispering by the end of the song, “ _ farewell my friend, it's over now… beware my friend. _ ”

The cold no longer numbed me. Instead, I felt warmth engulf me, wrapping me in a hug, and filling me with hope.

“You’re not alone Zoe,” Annabeth whispered, with unshed tears glistening in her eyes, “We’re here for you, we care for you, and not only us two, all of us, even this dumbass who just came here.”

“Hey!” That got a sad chuckle out of Zoe. “But she’s right, you know, we’re here for whatever you need, all you have to do is hang on.”

“I’m so tired,” she whispered back “I’m so tired of fighting.”

“You’ll be just fine Zoe,” Annabeth hugged her as she cried, “we’ll all be fine, we just have to keep going, we can’t give up now.”

“Just focus on staying alive Zoe,” I gently placed my hand on top of hers, ignoring her blatant surprise, “we can make it through this.”

We stayed there, Annabeth holding Zoe, me sitting by their side, just staring at the stars meeting the horizon, until the cold wouldn’t let us anymore. Me in particular, who was finding it hard to breathe by the minute. 

“See you later, stars” Zoe whispered before going back inside, “this isn’t the last I’m seeing of you.”

It was nearing 5 am when I made sure Zoe and Annabeth were both sleeping soundly in their beds, before heading to my own room. 

Nico was snoring softly tucked in bed, while Luke lied in an uncomfortable-looking position, as if he had falling asleep without really meaning to. Both were deep enough in his sleep that they didn’t stir when I stepped into the room, and I sighed in relief.

I didn’t even bother changing into pajamas before flopping into bed as slowly as I could. As soon as I laid my head on the pillow, I felt the exhaustion flood me, and in the blink of an eye, I was already sound asleep.

Unfortunately, it seemed as if I had just closed my eyes when Luke shook me awake. I groaned in protest, but he only laughed.

“Hey man, I didn’t even hear you come in last night,” he said as I opened my eyes grumpily, “I meant to wait for you, but I must have fallen asleep, what time did you guys even come back inside?”

I groaned loudly as I checked the time on my phone. “It’s not even 8 am? Ugh, I came back around 5…”

Luke chuckled as I closed my eyes again, and he sat down on the bed, shaking my shoulder lazily.

“Sorry man, guess you’ll go to bed early tonight, ‘cause we’re already meeting downstairs, we’re having breakfast earlier as per Zoe’s request.”

Another groan escaped my throat, but I still opened my eyes and glared at Luke, though there was no real heat behind it.

The light was coming just from the right side, and it made his eyes look impossibly bluer, icy yet warm in an inhuman way, and his blonde hair turning silver. He looked ethereal. There was no other way to describe him. No being to compare him to but the fey.

I blinked, and sat up on the bed all sleep gone, realizing where my thoughts were going, pushing them down in an attempt to think something else.

_ It was just sleepy me talking, nothing to worry about here…  _

“I’m gonna head down,” he stood up from my bed, minding his head as not to hit himself with the top bunk bed, “you should shower now, the bathroom’s empty at the moment.”

“Sure, sure, yeah, I-I’ll be right downstairs.”

_ Definitely just sleepy me, there’s nothing there. _

Shaking every thought I’d just had away, I moved on automatic, and soon found myself walking down the stairs, hearing my friends chit chatting as they ate.

I still felt very tired, but managed a smile as I sat down next to Annabeth.

“Hey, you guys sleep alright?”

“Yeah, we both could use a couple more hours, but it was such a nice rest, specially for Zoe.”

“Good, she deserves that, you both do,” she turned away from me, but I could still see the rosy look to her cheeks. 

“I didn’t tell you last night, or well, this morning,” she whispered softly, “but thank you a lot, for everything you’ve done for her… she finds it hard to really connect with people, but that didn’t stop you from trying, and that means a lot, to her and to me.”

“It’s really nothing, there’s no reason why one couldn’t try, it was worth a shot, and she’s amazing.”

“Just take the damn compliment Jackson,” she scoffed, “it’s just that she’s one of my closest friends, I want the best for her, and I appreciate you being kind enough to be there for her.”

It was my turn to blush, as I hunched my shoulders and laughed softly. “Sure, thank you for your kind words Annabeth.”

Breakfast returned to normal after that, and most of the day did as well.

I was not sure if it was because I was tired, but my day seemed to go on a daze, despite being aware of what we were doing. We walked through the woods, and made it to the beach, where we danced around and had fun, but we didn’t swim in the beach, due to Dr. D telling us that if even one of us came back wet, we’d all be grounded for a month. I’m still not sure how he would ground us, but we bet not to find out.

But it all became a little blurred to me, everything being background noise, only the sense of ‘I’ve been here’ remaining.

We returned to the cabin for lunch, and in a few hours e found ourselves on our way back to Huntington.

The same general loudness and fun from the way to Montauk stayed to the way back home, but despite wanting to live and having fun, I found myself falling asleep halfway through the drive.

I was sitting next to Nico, who was unusually quiet, which fed my desire for sleep, but kept fidgeting and bouncing his knees, which kept me from falling asleep altogether.

“Hey, you alright dude?” I asked him. He was frowning, looking out the window, but turned to me with a start.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” His eyes wouldn’t stay on one place, and he was almost  _ anxious _ .

“Are you sure? I can tell Dr. D or Chiron if you’re feeling bad, we could stop or something.”

“Yes, I’m sure, I just getting a little carsick, it’s nothing.”

“Alright then, but tell anyone if you’re feeling bad, okay?”

He only hummed in response. He pressed his temple against the glass and closed his eyes, but I could tell he wasn’t planning on falling asleep. I, on the other hand, had every intention to sleep, since there was an hour left, and I had nothing better to do.

I stood up from the seat, and moved to the one behind, sitting in the most comfortable position I could think of, folding my hoodie into a makeshift pillow, and following Nico’s example to press my head against the car window.

I was sound asleep within seconds, as exhaustion overtook me. I had a nice dreamless sleep, and when Jason shook me awake 50 minutes later once we were near home, I felt more rested than I did when I woke up that morning, even if I could still sleep a couple more hours.

Jason was much better at gently waking people up than Luke, but he didn’t look half as handsome as the older guy did-

_ Stop it dammit, it was a one-time thing that thought, we’re not having those thoughts again _ .

It was bittersweet to be back home, since Montauk had been a wonderful time of bonding and sharing, but there was nothing like getting to rest in what had become your home after a restless night.

Maybe we could visit Montauk again. Maybe I could make it my dying with too.

I shook those thoughts away along with the  _ others _ , clearing my mind from distractions. I was making my way from the van to the house, when Nico suddenly stumbled walking down the stairs. He would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Leo, who managed to catch him.

“Nico! Are you okay? Jeez you scared me,” he said with concern lazed with his words.

“Yeah I’m fine, just got a little dizzy, nothing to worry about really,” he shook Leo’s hands off rather harshly, and he made his way up the rest of the stairs.

“Dude, chill, I was just asking, checking on you, you know-”

“I don’t need you to be checking on me Leo, I can handle myself-”

His breath hitched once, and with one motion he was falling to the floor, shaking and twitching. 

He was having a fucking seizure.

I ran to his side, and so did Dr. D, who was right behind me, unloading things from the van.

“Let’s put him in his side, make sure to hold his arms still, he could lash out at you or hurt himself. Chiron call Apollo quick, he’s near town!” 

The others had gathered at the door, but Hazel ran between them, holding a blanket folded up into a pillow in her hands. She gave it to Dr. D, who placed it below his head to avoid him hitting himself with the floor.

“It’s gonna pass soon, don’t worry,” he told Leo and I, who were frantically holding onto Nico, trying to help, “it should be over soon.”

A minute or two ticked by before he stopped seizing, and he laid still, only half-conscious, shivering and looking more tired than ever. It must have been a good thing that it didn’t last long, because Dr. D exhaled in relief.

“Good, Luke help me get him to the infirmary would you? We need to make sure he’s okay.”

Luke picked him up and carried him to said room, where he placed him on one of the beds.

“I know you all want to make sure he’s okay, but give us space kids, get out of here, Apollo should be here soon,” Chiron announced, checking on Nico, who was gaining more consciousness.

We went to the living room, where we waited anxiously for news. I felt so scared, Nico was like a little brother at this point for me, and i just hoped and prayed to a god I didn’t fully believe in that he would be okay.

Within 5 minutes, someone knocked at the door, and Piper got up to open.

In came Dr. Apollo, with a teenager trailing behind him, looking uncomfortable as hell. He had bright blond hair and sky blue eyes, much like the doctor.

“Hi kids, sorry I had to bring in company, I was around the area, and I couldn’t exactly leave him, could I?” Dr. Apollo smiled, “This is my son Will, Will meet everyone, stay with them while I check in with Nico.” Will, whose existence surprised everyone, gave us a huge smile, even if he still looked out of place. “Now if you excuse me.”

Dr. Apollo went to the infirmary, leaving his son standing there, looking around the place.

“Wow,” Leo was the first to speak up, “I didn’t even know Dr. Apollo had a son, but it’s nice to find out you exist.”

“Really?” he genuinely sounded surprised, eyes wide, and scrunched eyebrows. “He can actually keep things in private? And to think my mom has always criticized him for not being able to do that.”

“Wait, he’s married too?!” 

“No, of course not, he and my mom kinda had a casual relationship, and they weren’t together for long, but they became friends when they found out about me, and they’re both present in my life.” 

We kept staring at him in surprise, processing the info about Dr. Apollo’s personal life.

“Well, we don’t bite,” Jason smiled at him, “you can come sit here if you want.”

“Oh, I’m not sure,” his eyes widened, “I mean! Not that you bite, or that I don’t want to sit with you! It’s just that I want to be a doctor like my dad, so I like helping him with some things when I get the chance! It’s not that I have a problem with you, I promise, my dad says you’re great, I bet you’re cool.”

Despite apologizing so much, his initial shyness had completely vanished, and he sounded confident, yet genuine.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine,” Annabeth told him.

“Oh, cool, I’m gonna see if I can help with anything then!” He went towards the door, and entered the infirmary after knocking.

“He’s something special, isn’t he?” Zoe said with an airy laugh.

“He is actually kinda like Dr. Apollo,” I said, laughing with her.

“He looks exactly like him too, it’s crazy!” Piper exclaimed with wide eyes. “I had no clue he had a son, he doesn’t look old enough to have a what, 15 year old child?”

“He either had him  _ very  _ young, or he just doesn’t age, okay?” Leo said.

“I still can’t believe I’ve been his patient for over 5 years and I never once realized he had a son,” I muttered indignantly.

We all laughed softly, before sobering up when Nico’s laugh was missing.

“Do you think he’ll be alright?” Hazel whispered, her scared eyes welling with tears.

“He’ll be just fine Hazel,” Annabeth held her close, “they’re just taking extra precautions, but he’s had lots of these before, and he’s been okay, right? You’ve experienced it far more times than us.”

“I know it’s something that happens often,” a tear rolled down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away, “but I still worry so much, even if I’ve seen him have these seizures countless times.”

“That’s because you love and care about him,” Jason took her hand between his, “we all do.”

For a moment, we remained in silence, just waiting for the doctors to let us know anything. We didn’t have to wait much.

All three doctors came out of the infirmary, quietly talking with themselves, before quietly closing the door. We all stood up and approached them in a heartbeat.

“Calm down, alright,” Dr. D said, “he’s fine.”

“He’s obviously tired right now, and he could use some rest, but he’ll be perfect by tomorrow,” Dr. Apollo announced with a wide grin.

“Everything’s okay? He didn’t get hurt?”

“Everything is okay Hazel. He didn’t get hurt in the fall, and he doesn’t present any sign of any kind of internal injury,” Chiron said.

“We’ll keep him down here for the night, I’ll stay with him to make sure everything is completely fine,” Dr. D motioned towards the infirmary, “but like Apollo said, he’ll be as good as new tomorrow.”

“I can leave you Will if you’d like,” Apollo winked and looked at Dr. D with a knowing smile, “I can tell he wouldn't mind looking after Nico.”

“Oh leave your boy alone Apollo,” Dr. D scoffed at him, rolling his eyes and hiding his amusement.”

We stared at them blankly, but I already had an idea of what they were talking about, and I had a feeling so did some of the others, based on their smirks, narrowed eyes and failed attempts to hide some chuckles.

“Hazel, you can go relive Will,” Dr. Apollo told her, “and tell him I say I’m sorry but we should get going or his mom would have my head for getting him home late.”

She happily obliged, and went into the infirmary. 

“The rest of you,” Dr. D turned his attention to us, “go unpack or something, you don’t accomplish anything just standing here, and I don’t want to see so more than 3 of you in there.”

We didn’t feel like obliging as happily as Hazel had, and apparently neither did Will, because he was frowning when he got out of the infirmary.

“There you are!” Dr. Apollo put an arm around his shoulders, “we gotta go, as much as I like these guys, Naomi will be upset, and we’ve got a couple hours to drive to her place.”

“Fine, whatever” he grumbled staring at the floor.

I smiled a little, wondering why Apollo was teasing Will so bad, but decided not to think too much about it.

“It’s nice to see you all then! I truly hope I don’t have to see any of you soon, for your sakes! I’ll call tomorrow to see how Nico’s doing, but I bet he’ll be perfect” He started walking towards the door, before turning back around. “Oh, I almost forgot, Zoe, would you mind telling Artemis to return my calls? She hasn’t answered me once since last Monday, and I know she’s not here in NYC at the moment, but just tell her to at least text me, please.”

I blinked hard at that, not understanding anything of what he was saying, and turning to Zoe, she just looked annoyed.

“I’ll tell her later tonight,” she said shortly, before going up the stairs.

I heard Apollo mutter something about ‘sunshines and rainbows’ before he shook his head. 

“Alright, bye then, call me if anything comes up.”

“Sure thing, Apollo, thanks for stopping by, have a safe travel.”

Dr. Apollo and Will left shortly, and we were on our way back to the living room.

“Hey! What did I tell you? Go unpack, I know you care about Di Angelo, but I won’t have you just hovering out here.”

We did as he said, and went up to our rooms. I didn’t even bring much to Montauk in the first place, so it didn’t take me much time to unpack.

“So much for a relaxing getaway, right?” Luke stood in front of his closet, picking some clean clothes out, “I’m gonna go shower, alright? I don’t know about you but I kinda feel icky after spending the day somewhere else.”

He flashed me a warm smile, making him look handsome and gentle, and-  _ Jesus _ where did those thoughts even come from?

“Uh-uh, sure go ahead, I’ll just, uh, lie down for a moment,” I muttered, not able to look him in the eyes.

_ Control yourself dammit. _

“Alright then, I’ll be right back.”

Fucking hell, what was wrong with me.

I wasn’t foreign to these feelings, regardless of gender, but there was  _ no way _ I could allow myself to feel them now. Not when I didn’t even have time to put myself through that.

_ Control yourself Jackson, you got this _ .

Instead of thinking about Luke, I checked the pictures we had taken during the weekend, and all thoughts of the older boy went away when the overwhelming sense of ‘why do I know this place’ came over me again.

I couldn’t put the pieces together, but I was going to make sure to ask Dr. D about the place sometime. 

Shaking my head, something I was doing a lot of that day, I did my best at turning my brain off, but it wasn’t enough.

All I could think of was the pair of green eyes, so familiar, but so out of reach; a memory I so desperately wanted to remember, but couldn’t grasp the more I reached, and it was eventually taken away by the ocean breeze, to be lost forever. 


	5. Broken People, Fragile Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, I hope you're all okay and doing fine :) I had quite some trouble figuring this one out, but I like the result, and I truly hope all of you enjoy it too. it's quite angsty, but you must be signed up for the angst if you're reading this lol

"Well, it isn't getting easier

We are shattered everywhere

No, it isn't getting easier now

But we're not beyond repair" 

The Maine, _Broken Parts_

**Chapter 5: Broken People, Fragile Things**

Just like Dr. Apollo had said, Nico was beyond perfect as the sun rose next morning. 

It was as if nothing had happened. He wasn’t tired, he thankfully didn’t injure himself. He really was fine. At least physically. 

The next couple days he had been moody, borderline depressed, which had me, at the very least, quite worried, even if the others offered me explanations.

“You have to understand,” Hazel had told me with teary eyes one afternoon when we were alone in the porch, “he suffered hard head trauma in the accident. It could have been so much worse… epilepsia, mood swings, and depressive behaviour could have been something so much worse…” Her voice broke, and I held her closely. “It’s not my story to tell, but he got to _live_ , and move in with us… he can be difficult to deal with, but I’m glad there _is_ a Nico to deal with.”

I was still very concerned, and I tried my best to be there for him, offering him company and an ear to listen, though he always rejected me. 

Eventually, his mood improved, and he didn’t avoid being with us as much, but he still seemed withdrawn.

While I was trying to be there for Nico, I was also trying to open myself up and turn down the fear of losing them, and of _leaving_ them. I found it easy to connect with most of them, especially Annabeth, Zoe and Luke. 

Annabeth was cold at first, but after she warmed up to you, she was the most caring person in the world. She had this enveloping warmth, that could make anyone release their tension by just being around her. 

It was difficult to break the cold shell, but since I was already close with Zoe and Luke, who she spent most of her time with, she let me into that caring bubble. She was a lovely girl, who had dealt with too much, but was fighting her way through life despite everything.

It was a good thing I’d found a safe place, mentally speaking, because things since the trip to Montauk have been especially difficult, except not for me. It wasn’t surprising, considering we were all here because we had complicated conditions that needed careful attention, and some could attack at any moment.

Nico being great was the good news, but not a week after, Jason, who I’d grown pretty close to as well, had a relapse of multiple sclerosis. He hadn’t had a relapse for almost six months, but he became very bad very quick.

He started feeling weak and tired by Wednesday, and his vision worsened more than it already was. By Saturday, he said he couldn’t feel anything, but his body felt so stiff, everytime he moved everything hurt. He couldn’t stop shaking in pain, and that hurt everyone to look at, especially since there was nothing to be done but give him muscle relaxants and painkillers.

Piper wouldn’t leave his side in the infirmary. She’s already passed out once because she wasn’t taking care of her sugar consume. 

But Jason isn’t the only one that’s had a relapse of their illness. 

Annabeth got a kidney infection. She had been feeling bad for a while, but because she was taking care of Jason and Piper both, she didn’t take care of herself. It wasn’t until Luke noticed her high fever that she confessed to having been bad.

And to make matters worse, Zoe didn’t really get better. She kept losing weight, and she was more tired everyday.

So, all in all, things were wild, and everyone was worried out of their minds.

When she heard the news, a week and a half later, Jason’s sister, Thalia came to visit.

After leaving Annabeth and Zoe under Nico and Hazel’s care, Luke had practically dragged me over to the front door when we heard the slam of a car door outside. There we found Chiron, who was greeting her at the door.

She looked exactly like the girl you’d expect to find at Hot Topic - I must confess I know that because I like the store, alright -, with a Pink Floyd shirt, leather jacket and all. I knew she was Jason’s sister, but I wouldn’t be able to tell from their looks. Pretty much everything they had in common was their bright blue eyes and skin complexion. Apart from that, they were total opposites.

She hugged Chiron as she told him “hello”, but when she saw Luke coming down the stairs, she threw herself at his arms. 

“Thalia,” he hugged her back, “I’m so glad you’re here, I’ve missed you so much.”

Among the layers of worry I was feeling, a small something I refused to recognize sparked. It was the same feeling I got when I hung out with Luke and Annabeth and they would reminisce about the good ol’ days and be all loving with each other. I knew they said they lived together for a while, and Luke said she was like a baby sister to him, but it still made me feel something not good. 

The worst thing is that I actually didn’t understand to whom these feelings were directed, and at this point I was too tired to try and figure them out.

“Of course, I came, dumbass!” She pushed away from him, and her eyebrows scrunched up, “I can’t believe no one told me earlier! You could have told me, _Jason’s my brother_ for god's sake, and Annabeth might as well be.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I simply didn’t want to worry you.” 

She hugged him again, tightly and there seemed to be such intimacy between them I had to look away. I was tempted to walk back the stairs without saying anything, but my mama raised me to be better. She’s not here to know that though…

“Oh, you must be Percy,” Thalia’s voice interrupted my thoughts, and I looked up to see her smirking at me, “god, I was hoping to meet you, everything they talk about is this new boy who-”

“Yes, Thalia,” Luke interrupted her, glaring softly at her while she snorted, “this is Percy Jackson, and Percy, this is Thalia Grace, she might only be Jason’s sister, but she’s basically family to some of us.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said softly, trying to seem more confident than I felt. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt small in comparison to her, and not speaking in height, since I was more than a couple inches taller than her, which made me feel worse. “I like your shirt.”

She eyed me funnily. Of all the things I could say, that’s the best thing I could come up with.

“You like Pink Floyd?”

“Of course, they’re underrated when people talk about classic rock bands, like people talk about The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Doors, The Smiths, but few people think of Pink Floyd, when they basically shaped psychedelic rock.”

I rant when I’m nervous, that much is clear, but at least that wasn’t as pathetic as the last thing I said.

“Yeah dude! Not only that, but people recognize them for the Dark Side Of The Moon cover but only know songs off The Wall, and say they’re the same record.”

“I’ve heard people say Another Brick In The Wall is off Dark Side, I almost had a stroke, I swear.”

She laughed at that, “You know what, I can see what makes these guys like you so much, you’re pretty cool, you’ve got taste, Jackson.” She turned serious after that. “But where are the others? Jason, Annabeth and Zoe.”

We all grew serious, as the mood became tense.

“Well, Annabeth and Zoe are in their room,” Luke told her, “they’re both getting fluids and meds in their beds, and Jason is in the sickroom, ‘cause you know Dr. D likes to keep a close eye on his vitals.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know” her voice, that held joy literally a second ago, was filled with sorrow, “can I check on Jason first? He’s down here right?”

“Sure, come Thalia,” Chiron guided her to the infirmary, and I followed them and Luke from a couple feet behind.

“Piper and Leo are in there,” I told Luke, “I’m gonna go upstairs for a while, we can’t have the room too crowded.”

“Sure, that’s alright Perce, thanks.”

I headed up the stairs and headed to Zoe and Annabeth’s room, bumping into Nico on my way. 

“Sorry- I didn’t hear you coming-” I broke off, watching some tears trail down his cheeks, “hey is everything okay? Are you okay?”

“Why don’t you ask Zoe, huh?” he hissed at me, “Actually, it’s really none of your fucking business.”

He moved to go to his room, but I grabbed him gently by the arm and stopped him.

“Hey, you know I care, you can talk to me,” I tried to say as softly as possible, but I was still concerned.

“Everyone says they care, but if you did you’d leave me alone, so just leave me alone!”

He slapped my hand away and went inside his room, slamming his door shut. I only stood there in shock. 

Nico had been doing better these last few days, which made me sure something had happened, and I wasn’t about to allow him to believe I didn’t care about him. I was about to knock on his door, when I heard another door open up hastily.

“Don’t.” Hazel said, with red-rimmed eyes herself, “he’s mad, and he’s gonna lash out whether he wants to or not.”

She wiped her eyes with her hand, and moved closer to me, or rather Nico’s room. “Look after Zoe and Annabeth, I’ll talk with him.”

“Are you sure? I just want him to be okay.”

“Yeah,” she smiled tiredly, “don’t worry, I’ve got this, just look after those two.”

She knocked on Nico’s door, got no response and went inside anyway, leaving me standing alone in the hallway. With a deep sigh, I went to the girls’ room, but Nico never left my mind. I knocked on their door, and Annabeth answered, “Yeah?”

“Hey, it’s just me” I muttered closing the door softly behind me, “is everything okay? Why did Nico just leave crying?”

“He got upset because of Zoe was saying, but-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Zoe shrugged it off, “He’ll come around. Did Thalia arrive?”

It was obvious she was trying to change the topic, and Annabeth shot me a pleading look, amidst her hurt, as if to say _Please drop it_.

“Yeah, she’s downstairs with Jason, but she said she’ll come by later.” I grabbed one of the bean bags we’d brought over from outside and sat between both beds. “She seems pretty cool.”

“She’s the best,” Annabeth smiled warmly. There it was, the soft smile that made everything seem better, even as she lied on her side, curled up in pain, while an IV pumped antibiotics and other meds into her arm.

“Was she wearing 2000s punk, like A Day To Remember, or classic rock, like Ramones?” Zoe laughed, but she seemed to expect an answer.

“Oh, Pink Floyd,” I said confused, “why the question?”

“It kinda tells her mood what kind of band she feels like one day,” she was still smiling, “Pink Floyd is okay, we can deal with that, right?”

“Oh totally, it’s a good sign.”

They both laughed, and I was once again flooded with the feeling of insecurity, and you don’t belong here. It was unpleasant, but at least it was nice to see it wasn’t just because of Luke.

The feeling soon faded, as we started talking, but both were fairly tired after everything they were going through, and after 10 minutes tops, I was sitting there in silence, both fast asleep.

At least that’s what I thought.

In my ignorance, feeling lonely in the silence, I could only look at them. The both looked so small and vulnerable, almost fragile in their sickness. It hurt to see them looking so tired and and ill, because that’s what they were, ill.

Annabeth was pale and shivering, too hot to the touch, as her body fought the infection. She was sweating cold, and her eyebrows were scrunched in discomfort. But she didn’t look nearly as bad as Zoe.

Zoe was too skinny, her bones would show in certain places, and it wasn’t because she hadn’t been eating, her habits were just fine. Her hands were always shaking, and her whole body shivered sometimes, but unlike Annabeth, she wasn’t fighting an infection. The worst thing was her erratic breathing, rapid and irregular, as she fought so hard against her disease.

I feared for her, more than I did for Jason and Annabeth, because they might have not been doing okay at all, but I was terrified Zoe couldn’t hang on much longer. I was terrified she wouldn’t want to.

“I don’t wanna lose her.” Annabeth’s soft whisper surprised me, and I turned with wide eyes. She had rolled onto her side, and stared at Zoe with tears in her eyes. “I know it makes me selfish, but I don’t want her to leave me, us, because I’m not ready to be without her… I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

“That’s perfectly understandable,” I whispered gently, “it doesn’t make you selfish, it just means you care for her.”

We stayed in silent for a moment, and I was convinced she’d fallen asleep.

“I’ve always admired her,” she whispered then, “she’s always been so determined, she’s the strongest person I know, even if she seems cold and reserved, she’s the kindest soul,” she choked on a sob, but she spoke up again in a wavery voice, “she deserves better than this.”

I didn’t know what to reply. I was at a loss, and I felt like no words could carry anything to make anyone feel better.

“She’ll get better, hasn’t she been like this before?” I asked her softly.

“Never like this…”

“You still gotta believe she’s the strongest person you know, she’ll get past this.”

“Yeah, she’s got this but… only time can tell.”

Silence followed, and this time she did fall asleep, because she was snoring softly. Her exhaustion wasn’t just because she was sick, it ran deeper than that, it meant something more. She had been so worried about her closest friends lately, and even when the person meant the world to you, it tires you, consumes your energy. 

I could understand why she was tired, but I knew sleep couldn’t take that from her. I know that from experience. I heard a rustle from my left, and turned to see Zoe staring at Annabeth, with unshed tears in her eyes and a hard look on her face, as if it was taking all her willpower not to break out sobbing loudly, which was most likely the case.

“Hey,” I motioned to Annabeth, “were you awake all this time?”

“‘course I was,” she said hoarsely, “I was waiting for Thalia, I wasn’t planning on sleeping just yet.”

“So you heard everything?”

She nodded silently, and forced herself to look away from Annabeth, turning to me instead.

“They should be mad at me, you know?”

“Wha- Why would they be mad?”

“Because there’s a surgery that can make me better, but I don’t want to have it, so they should be mad, but they’re worried, and I kinda wish they were just angry at me.”

A wave of feelings rose inside me, from bewilderment to frustration to compassion.

“Why would you refuse to get a surgery that can save your life?”

“No one understands, and I get that, but is it too hard to understand that what I have right now is not a life?” She was whispering, but her words carried a desperate feeling, searching for someone to finally understand. “I’m like a shadow, I’m just existing, but I stopped living a long time ago… This surgery won’t solve that problem, I mean it will cure me, but by doing it, I’ll just have to exist the rest of my life dealing with so much shit… I don’t want to live like that.”

She was looking at me with pleading eyes, hopeful that I wasn’t going to be like Annabeth, or the others apparently. Fortunately for her, I did understand… somewhat.

“It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Feeling like you’re only hanging on, going day by day, waiting for the one your body gives up, and you haven’t even lived anything special. It’s pretty damn exhausting.”

Her gaze softened, and she finally let some tears slide down her face. She didn’t say anything, so I continued.

“I gotta be honest with ya though, I don’t really feel like continuing living like these either, but there’s far too many good things, people, in this world, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything else, even if that meant I’d finally have some peace.”

“You don’t understand-”

“But, at the same time, I couldn’t deal with the fact that someone I care about will exist so unhappily and unsatisfied for the rest of their lives, because all I want is for them to be happy and at peace.”

She stared at me in stunned silence, as my eyes began to sting. I left my bean bag abandoned on the ground, and went to sit by her side on her bed.

“I care about you Zoe,” I choked out, “and of course I want you to live for thousands of years, but no one can make you decide for you…”

“You’re the first person who’s listened and understood… Thank you.”

“Don’t get me wrong, though, I understand, but that doesn’t mean I agree with you, because there’s no way you can be sure the surgery will only bring you unhappiness.”

She frowned at that. “Getting rid of my thyroid means complications and taking medicine for the rest of my life, I don’t want that.”

“And I get why, trust me, and I still think no one can decide but you, but isn’t it worth it? Taking medicine for the rest of your life seems like a great deal to me if it means having you around… but if I know you, even a little bit, I know there’s nothing I can say to change your mind.”

“I’m just so tired,” she let out a ragged breath, “and it’s not that I’m giving up, but I can’t keep going like this, because this is not me, and I hate this _thing_ I’ve become, I don’t think I could stand being _this_. ”

I didn’t know what to say. Nothing in my mind seemed like it meant anything of value. I wasn’t sure whether to support her or to convince her to accept help. I wasn’t sure whether this was her giving up - which seemed so unlike her - or her ready for whatever came next.

“I’m not scared Percy,” she whispered gently, “I haven’t been scared of death in years. My body is beyond the point of being well just by removing my thyroid, it won’t change anything. All I ask is for rest. Is it too much to ask?”

I felt a tear slide my own cheek. Her voice lacked doubt or hesitation, and that’s the moment I realized she wasn’t looking for approval anymore, just someone to be there for her, whether they were good with her decision or not. I grabbed her hand.

“I’ll be by your side no matter what, I promise.”

She smiled tiredly at me, as her eyes sparked with relief. 

“I don’t have the best history with guys, and it’s hard for me to warm up to people in the first place, but you’re a great friend Percy, I’m glad I met you.”

A knock echoed through the room, and I let Zoe’s hand go, wiping my face in case of any stray tears. Annabeth stirred in her sleep as the door opened, revealing Luke and Thalia, whose cheeks had teartracks as well. 

There seemed to be a lot of crying lately.

“Hey there sister,” Zoe smirked at Thalia, “long time no see.”

“ _Sister_?” I asked before Thalia could even answer Zoe, and Thalia laughed.

“It’s a thing we have going, ‘cause her mom has been much more like a mother to me than my own mother or my stepmother, so we joke about that,” Thalia explained.

“I still see you as my sister,” Zoe feigned feeling offended, “you’re telling me all these bloody years, I’ve been thinking of you as my sister and you only see it as a joke? You hurt me Thalia Grace.”

“Oh shut up, Zoe,” Thalia approached the bed, so I got up and went to stand by the door.

Meanwhile, Luke was checking on Annabeth, who was just now waking up. That _feeling_ burned in my chest again.

_Goddammit, stop it._

I willed myself to calm down, and stop thinking about it, which proved to be hard when they were both right in front of me.

Sparing another look at them, close friends for years, the little voice in my head that kept saying I didn’t belong among anyone returned, so I decided to leave.

I walked past Nico’s door, where I could still hear him and Hazel talking, down the stairs and past the infirmary door as well, oddly quiet.

The door was open, so in curiosity, I peeked my head inside, to find Jason and Piper both asleep, while Leo was busy playing some game in his phone. He nodded at me with a smile when he noticed him, and I just raised him a peace sign in return, before heading to the backyard.

I sat down in one of the comfiest chairs, and took my phone out of my pocket. The afternoon sun hit from the left, and it was a nice welcome in the autumn weather. The leaves had started to fall, but most still remained, painting the landscape in reds and oranges. It was quite nice. 

_It doesn’t hurt to take some pictures of the sky, does it?_

It would be such a waste if you had such a pleasing landscape in front of you and did nothing to preserve the sight.

I took some pictures of the sunset and the beautifully painted skies, then some more of the trees and the flowers. I’m not much of a person to do so, but with the free time and nothing to do, taking pictures wasn’t a bad idea. 

By the end of it, I had dozens of pictures, and sitting down back on the chair, I chose the best ones and sent them to my mom. We talked for a while, until after the sun had set, and Dr. D called me in.

“Jeez, kid, get in here, it’s too cold, _especially_ for you, and we’re gonna start dinner soon.” He eyed me suspiciously, as if now just realizing I was out there by myself. “Go hang with the others, they’re in the lounge upstairs.”

I couldn’t do anything but do as I was told, albeit hesitantly. Upstairs, everyone but Piper and Jason, including Zoe and Annabeth with an IV drip, was sitting in one place or another, gathering around the coffee table, taking out the Monopoly game.

They were all chattering lively. But I laughed at the thought of all of us playing against each other.

“You do realize you can’t all play at the same time, right? Monopoly wouldn’t work that way.”

“Thank you!” Annabeth shouted, despite her hoarse voice, “That’s exactly what I said, the whole meaning of Monopoly would be lost with so many players.”

“Oh, you guys are party poopers,” Luke crossed his arms with a playful smile.

“Easy fix, let’s just play in pairs,” Thalia suggested.

“That sounds like an absolute mess-”

“Great idea, man!” Leo piped in, “I call dibs on Percy.”

I was taken aback, “Why?”

“I’m trusting you here wey, I believe in us.”

I chuckled, but accepted his offer anyway. In the end, we didn’t turn out to be too bad at playing together. 

Luke and Thalia were a mess together, arguing about every property they had, and somehow not being able to buy much. Annabeth and Zoe were naturals at coming up with the best properties to buy, and how to make the most profit, while Leo and I relied more on just pure gut instinct and going along with everything, which worked for us. 

But Hazel and Nico destroyed all of us. I still can’t understand how they managed to make so much money, or why their properties were the ones we all landed in the most, but that’s exactly what happened.

By the time Chiron called us down for dinner, we unanimously declared Nico and Hazel the winners, with their unparalleled riches. The smile on their faces was worth the defeat.

Annabeth and Zoe joined us downstairs, which made all of us feel hopeful about their recoveries, but while Annabeth was actually present during dinner, Zoe barely seemed there, which was worrying.

At one point, Piper was dragged out of the infirmary by Dr. D, claiming that she needed to have regular meals if she was going to remain healthy enough to keep Jason company. While she reluctantly sat down and had dinner, I offered to stay with Jason.

I hadn’t seen him much recently, so I enjoyed the little time I got to hang out with him, as he talked about how he was doing, and I talked about our day. But he mostly stayed quiet, too tired and in pain to speak much.

After 15 minutes tops, someone knocked on the door, and Thalia’s head popped inside.

“Hey, d’you mind if I hang with him for a while?”

“Nah, ‘course I don’t.”

When I got out, Annabeth and Zoe had already gone back upstairs, along with Chiron. The rest were talking quietly in the living room, and I could see Dr. D’s office light on, so he must have been there.

Thalia left soon after she was done speaking with Jason, before saying goodbye to the girls in their rooms, and us in the living room, promising to visit again soon. Since it was pretty late after such an exhausting day, we all decided to go to bed. Piper stayed downstairs as usual, sleeping by Jason’s side.

Upstairs, Luke was about to do the same, but with Zoe and Annabeth, but Dr. D stopped him.

“Castellan, you need proper rest,” he basically whispered, and I wouldn’t have been able to listen if I wasn’t so close to them, “I know you care about them, but I can’t have you collapsing, getting sick too, you know how careful you have to be.”

Luke started to protest, but was cut off. “I don’t care if you get mad at me, sleep in your room tonight, I’ll watch over them. This is not up for discussion.”

Luke seemed angry, but it was obvious in Dr. D’s tone that it was indeed not up for discussion, so he didn’t respond. Instead he turned to our room, went inside and slammed the door, much like Nico had done earlier. Dr. D sighed, sounding frustrated, and turned to me.

“Please just make sure he gets one night of proper sleep Jackson, he needs it more than others.”

I only nodded, and muttered a little yes sir, before following Luke. He was pacing back and forth around the room, breathing erratically and threading his fingers in his hair, borderline yanking at the golden strands.

Obviously noticing the signs of him being a step away from a panic attack or a nervous breakdown, I approached him carefully.

“Hey, you need to breathe Luke-”

“Percy- not now- I can’t- I should be with them- I-”

“Now, they’re okay right now, you know that, but you really need to breathe-”

I tried to place my hand on his shoulder, to stop him from pacing and to calm him down, but he just moved away, glaring at me.

“You don’t even understand, do you? I can’t sit ‘round while they need me!”

“Because they need you, you need to breathe, you need to calm down-”

“I can’t calm down Jackson!” I took a step back in pure instinct when he raised his voice, even after years of not even seeing Smelly Gabe. “My friends are sick, and in need, I don’t have time to calm down-”

“You can’t help them if you pass out because of a panic attack,” I continued as gently as possible, “please just take a deep breath, breathe with me.”

I managed to get close enough to him, and this time I could grab his shoulders.

“Copy my breathing, okay?” He nodded in a daze in response. “You got this, just breathe.”

“I can’t.” His chest heaving up and down.

“Yes, you can, just follow my breaths.” 

It usually wasn’t the best idea to follow my breathing, since I did have a heart arrhythmia, but it served the purpose just fine. Luke was breathing normally after a few minutes, and we both sat down in his bed.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered miserably.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“It’s just that I’m so scared of losing them, Percy, I’ve known them for so long, Zoe, Annabeth and Jason, I can’t even begin to imagine what I’d do without them.”

“Hey, don’t worry I get it-”

“You don’t though,” he was glaring at me which took me aback, “I lost everyone I cared about, before I found Thalia, and they all became my family. I had nothing before them, they’re my everything, they’re my family. There’s no way you understand! You have your perfect family, you don’t know what it’s like not to have one! You don’t get to pretend to understand what’s it like to finally find a family, and be this close to losing it.”

_Ouch_.

I admit that hurt, probably more than it should have, because I knew he was only lashing out, venting his anger out on me, even if it wasn’t me he was angry at. But family was a sensitive topic for me, and it was a scar that ran deep and never quite healed. One that was opening up as a vision of a black haired man and green eyes flashed through my head.

I tried to keep the pain out of my face and tone, but I wasn’t quite sure I managed that.

“I’m sorry you feel so upset you let it out on me, but you have no idea what you’re talking about.” I could feel my voice wavering. “I’ve found as much of a family here, as you and the others, because you may think I’ve always had a perfect family, but the only person I’ve always had is my mom, since my dad died before I could even create a memory of him, and my mom’s last husband was an abusive piece of crap that left as soon as I got bad, and only two years ago did my mom meet the lovely and respectful man I happen to consider my dad already. So I’m sorry you don’t think I get not wanting to see those I’ve grown to care about hurting, but I consider them - you - my family too, and I _am_ close to losing it as well.”

I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, or to say too much about my life, but it all ended coming out like a wave.. His face softened as I talked, which at least was a relief. At least he seemed calm - sorry, worried and calm. That didn’t take my own hurt and anger away.

I stood up from his bed with a huff, and walked to my closet to take out my pajama pants - joggers, really - and a dark blue t-shirt I usually wore to bed, but my feelings were still overwhelming, trying to spill from the full glass.

_Don’t get carried away by your feelings, dammit! Get them under control, you can’t let anyone know your broken parts._

I stood there staring at my clothes for a couple of seconds, trying desperately to calm myself down, to stop the memories of the past, the feeling of a punch to my cheek, the loneliness that crept up my spine all the time, the impending dread of will today be the end, the guilt of hoping that the end would be close.

It was all so much, but I couldn’t break down, not with Luke watching me, because I was still angry at him, but I also knew he had enough on his plate, and he was feeling overwhelmed too and-

“I’m sorry.”

It was a whisper, barely loud enough for me to hear from where I stood, but it carried raw emotions, and when I looked at him, his shoulders were hunched over in an attempt to stop his sobs, and he held his head down, hiding his face from the world.

He looked so wrecked, all my thoughts melted away. I didn’t forget them, nor the feelings, because Luke had definitely hurt me, but I was willing to put them away for a while to be there for him, because he was in pain too, and in need of someone. I didn’t forgive him just yet, but I could be mad later.

I approached him swiftly, and gently put my arm around his shoulders, and he slumped over, laying his head on my shoulder in a sort of very-awkward hug. It was very uncomfortable for me, but that didn’t really matter at the time.

“I’m so so sorry,” he sobbed, “I didn’t mean to be an ass, I-I care about you too, I’m just so, _so scared_ -”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about that now, just let it all out, it’s not your fault.”

“I’m so scared of losing them! They’re the ones who took me- who welcomed me into their family when- when no one else did, Jason and Annabeth,” his breath hitched, “and Zoe has been there for me through so much, understood and forgave me… I can’t imagine a life without them.”

“I know, I’m scared of losing them too,” I was trying my best to reassure him, but there was not much I could say. I couldn’t promise him things that I didn’t know were going to happen. I couldn’t tell him they would all be okay, because I wasn’t sure. “You just gotta have faith they’ll be okay.”

I don’t know how much we stayed like that, but eventually his crying stopped. I was still holding him, until he pushed away gently, and we sat next to each other in the silence. He stood up to get changed, and so I did the same thing. 

Soon we were both lying down in our beds, me on my side, as he stared numbly at the ceiling.

“Do you really think they can make it?” 

I took a deep breath, and considered my words carefully.

“I think they’re all strong, and we have to help them remain that way.”

He stayed silent for a moment. “Thank you Percy, especially after what I said, just- thank you for everything. You’re family too.”

It was my turn to stay silent, pondering over what to answer. I sidestepped the matter however.

“They can make it, I can’t let myself not have hope- you can’t let yourself not have hope.”

“Hope is almost as scary as death.”

“Then, you can close your eyes if you want, sometimes things are less scary.”

He sighed deeply, and we both closed our eyes.


	6. The Sky is Painted Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am not gone, life has been hectic and busy lately, and I got carried away writing this chapter, as you can notice by the word count. Me and my family are moving soon, so I might take some time to post next chapter, but I'll try my best to have it done in about a week.  
> Listen, in advance this one hurts, so make sure to check the tags, cause the angst comes full force.  
> Hope you enjoy :)

"The hopes that speak through me

Are letting out a shout with my own voice

But it's growing rough and hoarse" 

Moonfall,  _ Windswept _

**Chapter 6: The Sky Is Painted Grey**

Hope was indeed, much scarier than the thought of death, but I still couldn’t make myself lose it.

Jason was through the worst of his relapse in a couple of days, and he was still feeling some discomfort and weakness but he was fine. Thalia had visited everyday until Jason was able to stand on his own, and move out of the infirmary back into his room. In the few days, I’d grown to really admire Thalia, who basically raised her brother after their father left them and their ill mother almost fed Jason to the wolves,  _ literally. _ They’d had to move in with their father and his long-time wife (that was a long story), who pretty much hated her, and pretended to like Jason. Thalia had to fend for them both in a way, and even after everything lended her hand to Annabeth and Luke. She was amazing, I could tell why everyone loved her.

Speaking of, Annabeth had also gotten better in a matter of 4 or 5 days more on antibiotics. Her temperature had gotten back to normal, and she wasn’t in so much pain anymore. I knew she was still feeling some discomfort, because at times she would wince out of nowhere, but she insisted she was fine - at least to us, but hopefully she was being honest with Dr. D and Chiron.

Nico was also pretty much to his old self, moody at times, but definitely less temperamental and impulsive. It was a relief to see him smile more everyday, laugh and enjoy with all of us. He wasn’t snapping at others, nor was he isolating himself, and that boosted everyone’s humor.

Everyone else had been just about perfect, with no relapses or complications, even me, despite having some trouble breathing at times, but nothing major.

That left us with only one concern, but it was the worst of all. Zoe was not getting any better. In fact she was getting worst. 

Her weight was becoming alarmingly low, and now her appetite was fading. Her strength was fading too, and everyday it was harder to convince her to get out of her room, and spend time with us, just to talk, watch a movie, play a board game or some video games. She was sleeping a whole lot more, and her hands were almost always shaking.

We were all scared of what her future would be, but she still refused to get the surgery, now refusing to even discuss about it.

Every night, I would tell Luke that he couldn’t lose hope, and every night, he would simply close his eyes and repeat the phrase “ _ don’t lose hope _ ”, but I had a feeling he was believing that less and less. 

I’d left my growing feelings in the darkest corner of my mind, but as the days went by I understood them more clearly. That didn’t stop me from being scared as hell about them. But every time I felt  _ anything _ I reminded myself that I needed to put the feelings away if I was going to be of any comfort to anyone, especially Luke. 

Time was going by fastly, as more and more leaves fell out of the trees, and everything became Halloween-themed as the date grew closer. But things were chill at Delphi, despite everything.

Until one evening, a loud banging on the door surprised all of us, as we watched some Halloween movies. Chiron and Dr. D had exchanged confused glances, but the latter quickly got up to check the door. We watched curiously from our spots, at least the ones who could. I stretched my neck as far as it went, and dragged the bean bag a little bit to catch a peak at whoever stood outside.

As Dr. D opened the door, I was able to see a beautiful auburn-haired woman, with sparkling gray eyes, looking almost silver with the shine of the moon. Her face was covered with freckles, and she had a very familiar face that I couldn’t quite place. She was stunning, but her features were twisted in anxiety and fear. My brain was going a thousand miles an hour trying to figure out who she was and what was going on.

“Percy, is it someone familiar? Who is it?” I heard someone say from the living room, but I was too focused on the woman, as she too started to speak. 

“Dionysus,” she exhaled in relief, “where is she okay? I came as quick as I could, I-”

“Come, she’s okay right now, she’s right here with the others.”

The woman stepped into the house, and walked towards us, still looking near panic, but in a way that told me she’d been here before. As soon as she made it to a place where the others could see her, I finally found out who she was.

She halted in her step and held her breath as her sight zoned into one person: Zoe. Meanwhile, Zoe had gotten up from her place in the couch and tears were pooling in her eyes, as she approached the woman.

“Mom?”

That shook the woman out of her haze, and she ran up to meet Zoe halfway, embracing her tightly.

“Oh, Zoe,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry it took me this long to come home to you.”

Silence engulfed the room, except for Zoe and her mom’s sniffs. Most of us were feeling uncomfortable, intruding in a very private moment, while Annabeth, Dr. D and Chiron, wore soft smiles, but those weren’t holding happiness.

After a couple minutes, Zoe let her mom go, and they both turned to the rest of us. Zoe was blushing softly, but her mom was smiling brightly now.

“For those of you who don’t know,” Zoe said clearing her throat, “this is Artemis, my mom, well my adoptive mom.”

“Just call her your mom, Zoe,” Annabeth said, getting up to greet Artemis.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Artemis said with a gentle smile, “I’ve heard great things about you all, both from Zoe and Apollo.”

“Apollo?” Leo asked, “As in Dr. Apollo?”

“Yeah, I guess you call him by that title,” she rolled her eyes with a smirk, “we’re technically both doctors you know, I got a PhD and he’s got an MD, but he’s still called the doctor of the family.”

“You’re  _ related _ ?” I blurted out incredulously, which in hindsight was ridiculous, because despite Dr. Apollo being my long-time PCP, I didn’t know much about him- hell, I’d find out he has  _ a son _ , less than a month ago, of course he had more family.

“Why, yes, unfortunately,” Artemis chuckled, “he’s my twin brother.”

Now  _ that  _ I was not expecting. Maybe I should have, considering I  _ did _ find her face familiar, but they did not look like twins. Apollo was a blond, blue eyed, typical American-looking guy, and he didn’t share any physical similarities with his twin, except perhaps their radiant smiles.

“But that doesn’t matter,” Artemis turned to Zoe, “I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier, I really am, the  _ pig  _ I went to deal with has some strong influence in Europe, I couldn’t leave England no matter how hard I tried, but I’m here now, I’m here for you my brave girl.”

It was heartwarming to see Zoe have such a loving mom, it reminded me of my own mom a bit, which turned the moment a little bittersweet for me.

But Zoe was happier than she’d been in weeks, ecstatic even. The evening went by too fast, and their reunion was cut short because of the hour, and Zoe’s big need of sleep. But even after seeing her mom wave goodbye from the door, her posture wasn’t as tense, her shoulders didn’t look so weighed down by the world, and her smile was more carefree than I’d ever seen it. In return, everyone was able to breathe a little deeper, and sleep a little better, hopeful that Zoe was going to start getting better now.

Her mom visited the next day and the next day after, along with Zoe’s sisters, Phoebe and Naomi. 

Reuniting with her mom filled Zoe with energy and hope, and she was indeed much better. Her thyroid hormone count was normalizing, she wasn’t as tired as she used to be, her hands didn’t tremble like before, and she smiled much more often.

That lasted for a whole two days. Two days when everyone was overjoyed that Zoe was going to recover and get through the worst. 

She was getting better until she wasn’t.

The moment I opened my eyes to the sound of Annabeth screaming for help in tears, I knew the perfect mood that had grown in the last couple of days had been shattered in a heartbeat.

We all rushed out of our rooms, Luke getting to the girls’ room in the blink of an eye, and he opened the room to find a sobbing Annabeth holding a barely conscious Zoe close to her chest. Dr. D rushed upstairs, and I caught everyone’s expressions of concern and panic. 

“Let me through, give us space, don’t crowd the room!” He tried to tell us, as he walked by us into the room, but we still stood outside, watching, waiting for him to tell us anything.

Even from the distance, I could hear Zoe’s incoherent babbling and Annabeth’s anguished attempts of comforting her, while Luke just sat by them holding Zoe’s hand, looking lost as his unseeing eyes glistened with tears.

Chiron pushed himself through us crowding outside the room shortly after.

“She has a high fever, and her heartbeat is too irregular for my liking,” Dr. D told Chiron as he entered the room, “we need to take her to the hospital, she could be anaemic, her heart could be failing, most likely due to hyperthyroidism.”

“I will call Artemis, let her know we’re taking her to Huntington Hospital-”

“No, we need to take her to Lower Manhattan,” Dr. D interrupted, “Her PCP is working there, and she’s not unstable enough that we can’t get her there by ambulance to get her tested and all.”

“Alright then, I’ll call the ambulance and then Artemis, to let her know of everything.”

“I’m going, you’re not stopping me,” Annabeth blurted out, in between her sobs.

“Annabeth-”

“You can’t stop  _ us _ ,” Luke snapped, “we need to be by her side.”

“Guys, you know you can’t go-”

“Because we can get sick I know, but this could be the last time we see her for all we know, dammit, we’re not staying here.”

“I’m not missing out on being with her, even if this is it just because I can catch a cold.”

“I’m going too then,” I blurted out as well, and soon enough all of us were speaking up saying we were going with her.

“ _ Guys! _ ” Dr. D yelled to shut us up, “it’s not that you can  _ catch a cold _ , it’s that you can catch something much worse, your immune systems are not the strongest as they are, we can’t risk you going there and all of you getting severely ill.”

“But-”

“No let me talk,” he snapped at Annabeth, “ _ you _ are one of the most likely to catch something and get another infection, you won’t be able to deal with it so shortly after the last one.

“Jason, Piper, Hazel and Leo are also out of discussion, there’s no way I’m letting you go. As for Luke, Percy, and Nico… I guess your conditions aren’t as big of an issue in regards of the topic of catching something, but I still can’t let you come.”

We all stayed in silence, as anger and sadness settled over us alike.

“You don’t understand,” Annabeth whispered, “I don’t care if I get another infection, I  _ need  _ to be with her, I’m not letting her be alone after everything.”

“She’s family, we can’t leave her by herself now,” Luke cried.

“You do understand you’d be going entirely against medical advice?” Chiron said from behind us.

“ _ Yes _ , completely.”

Dr. D and Chiron looked at each other, having a mental conversation, that would have been deserving of jokes if it were another situation. Dr. D sighed finally, looking away.

“Then I guess, you four going can be arranged,” Chiron said softly, a sad smile in his lips, “Annabeth, Luke, Nico and Percy.”

“That’s not fair at all!” Jason spoke hardly, which was surprising coming from him, “How come they can go but we can’t!”

“I’m sorry Jason, but you’re not in the condition to go-”

“I’ve been fine for days now, same as Annabeth, but she’s going-”

“Jason, our decision is final.”

He stared at everyone in disbelief, before he turned around and went back to his room, slamming the door behind him. This time, Leo went after him, while Piper remained in the hallway, as she and Hazel hugged each other.

_ So much for things going good. _

Chiron sighed, and turned to Dr. D again. “I already talked to Artemis and she said she agrees that it’s better to take her to the Lower Manhattan Pres, she’ll be there waiting for us, and she’s also gonna let Apollo know. The ambulance is on its way, it shouldn’t take too long.”

“Thanks, Chiron,” Dr. D exhaled, “I still can’t believe I’m letting you go, but I know you well enough to know you’ll just escape if we tell you no.”

“How’s she doing?,” Chiron asked softly, a frown forming on his face.

“I’m hoping it’s not a severe thyroid storm, because she would need that surgery she’s been avoiding.”

I wasn’t the most knowledgeable at medicine, but I knew whatever they were talking about was definitely bad if it required surgery.

“Wouldn’t she need immediate care if she has thyroid- whatever you’re saying?” I asked, mostly scared of the answer.

“Not necessarily,” Chiron said, “she’s had this relapse of hyperthyroidism for these past few weeks, and she’s been on the radioactive iodine therapy, so when she started getting better we thought she’d be just fine, I’m not sure why she’s back to feeling bad.”

“It’s her heart I’m worried about, but I’m just gonna give her some beta blockers until we can get to the hospital and get her tested.”

I just noticed Chiron was carrying a medicine bag, and he handed it over to Dr. D who pulled out a syringe and a bottle of whatever medicine he was going to give her.

“She should be better with this, but I’m still not risking it.”

“So she’s not in immediate danger?” Annabeth whispered, as tears still rolled down her cheeks.

“She shouldn’t be, but I’m not sure about how strong her heart is, so we better get her tested.”

“We’re still going though.” Luke was definitely not taking a no for an answer, and honestly if they went so would I.

“Yeah yeah, it’s too late for me to say no anyway, I’m just not sure how you’ll get there, the ambulance won’t take that many people.”

“I can drive,” I blurted out.

“And you have a driver’s license?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t.” 

“We both know you would, Jackson.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Alright, whatever, you guys take the van” he took a deep breath, not the first time in only a few minutes, “Luke, Percy help me carry Zoe downstairs, Annabeth prepare her a bag or something, would you?”

“Of course,” they both said at the same time.

Piper and Hazel offered to help Annabeth put together a bag of essential items Zoe might need, while the rest of us followed Dr. D downstairs, Luke carrying an already more conscious Zoe in his arms.

“Wha’s goin’ ‘n?” she muttered weakly.

“Hey, you’re gonna be fine Zoe, we’re just taking a short trip to the hospital to make sure everything’s alright, but you’ll be okay.”

She just hummed in response, but her eyes were open, and she blinked tiredly but steadily.

Luke had just helped her down into the bed in the infirmary when we heard the faint blare of sirens in the distance. Nico took Zoe’s hand and whispered something I couldn’t hear as the sirens continued getting louder. 

The girls hurried down the stairs, Annabeth, dressed and all, carrying a silver backpack over one of her shoulders, and the roar of an engine could barely be heard pulling over in the driveway outside over the sirens. 

I realized I was still in pajamas, and so were Luke and Nico, which made me wonder if we were going to leave like that or get changed.

The EMTs were knocking at the door, and Dr. D walked past us to let them in. Meanwhile, I approached Luke. 

“Hey, are we leaving right now, or are we getting ready and leaving shortly?”

He turned to look at his clothes in wide eyes, just realizing the fact. “Shit, um, I don’t mind leaving like this, let’s just brush our teeth-”

“Definitely not, don’t be idiots,” Dr. D said as he ushered us out of the infirmary and the EMTs rolled a stretcher inside, “you guys get yourselves cleaned up, eat something, then leave, Zoe will be alright, she’s just gonna get some tests in the morning.”

“But-”

“ _ No buts _ , I’m doing a lot just  _ letting _ you go, at least do that for me- Annabeth, give me the bag.”

She handed it wordlessly, which was so unlike her I dropped the idea of leaving now. I went to her side as the EMTs pushed the stretcher outside, and carefully loaded her into the ambulance, leaving the doors open as they waited for Dr. D.

“Please be careful, don’t drive wrecklessly, if you think you can’t handle going to the hospital you can stay here, Chiron will watch over you all, please don’t do something you’d regret, just… stay safe.”

Everyone nodded silently, as the reality that Zoe was heading to the hospital hit us hard.

“I know it’s hard for you all, but Zoe’s strong, she can get past this,” she turned to where the EMTs were checking on Zoe’s vitals, “I’ll let you know when we get there, try not to worry yourselves sick, ask for anti-anxiety meds if you need them.”

With that, he turned around and got in the ambulance, as he caught the EMTs up to speed, and we stood in the entrance, just watching the ambulance that took our friend - no, our sister away.

I couldn’t help but think that this exact thing had already happened once. It was like back in Montauk, and a memory resurged in my head - blinking lights speeding away, cries of agony as someone embraced me close outside an apartment building, blood in my clothes except it wasn’t mine because I felt okay and I definitely wasn’t the person going in the ambulance.

The image faded faster than it came, but I couldn’t dwell on it because there were more important things to worry about right now than some irrelevant images forming in my head.

Chiron cleared his throat.

“C’mon kids, let’s get back inside, Dr. D will let us know of everything.”

“I’m gonna go get ready so we can leave,” I said and rushed upstairs faster than I ever had before.

Truth be told, I’d never showered and gotten dressed faster in my life, nor had I seen a group so determined to do that precisely - I was still half sure Nico hadn’t showered, but what could I say. 

Downstairs, the others were sitting around in the couches, even Jason. They had rearranged them and placed couch against couch, because they could all fit in one single mass of cushion, as they sat close to each other for comfort. 

We were ready to leave, but breakfast was still cooking, and Dr. D had told us we had to eat, something Chiron was going to make sure we did. 

“Chiron’s not gonna let us leave if we don’t eat breakfast,” Annabeth muttered, fidgeting anxiously.

“Fuck it,” Luke said, as he went upstairs and shortly returned with a backpack, “he said ‘eat something’ not ‘stay for breakfast’, those are completely different things.”

He went to the kitchen, and we approached the others on the lounge. Jason glared at us, but he refused to look at Annabeth.

“I’m sorry Dr. D and Chiron didn’t let you go,” I said softly, “we’ll let you know if anything happens.”

“You’re leaving already?” Hazel asked with concern.

“Yeah, we want to leave as early as possible,” Annabeth replied.

“But Dr. D said you’d have to stay for breakfast-”

“Technically, he said we had to eat something, and we can eat something on the way there.”

“You can’t do that-”

“Watch me.” Luke reappeared from the kitchen, stuffing the backpack with cookie packs and juice bags. I could also see some fruits in there.

“There’s no way you’re leaving without proper breakfast,” Chiron said from behind us, and he shushed Annabeth, who opened her mouth to answer, “I don’t care if Dr. D said to eat something,  _ I  _ am saying you have to eat breakfast here.”

We couldn’t argue with Chiron after that, and we had to wait a little longer to leave, but soon enough, breakfast was being served. We barely had any appetite, and we mostly swallowed without really eating, just to finish fastly and satisfy Chiron. 

In less than 15 minutes later, Chiron was demanding I showed him my driver’s license, and I complied. I really wasn’t lying this time. 

“Please be careful, Percy, we wouldn’t want any of you to end up injured because of an accident or anything,” he the car keys, rather reluctantly, “I’m trusting you with all four of your lives.”

“Don’t worry about us, I’ll be cautious.”

“We’ll let you know if anything happens, and when we get there.”

We left on our hour long journey, filled with anxiety and tension, and I must admit I was nervous to mess up, but the soft music Nico had put on eased my nerved a little. Nothing interesting happened on our silent ride, but I felt like I could choke on that silence for most of the trip. 

We were 20 minutes in, when Dr. D let us know they’d arrived just fine at Lower Manhattan Hospital, met Artemis there and were on their way to check Zoe in. 

By the time we were entering Queens, he let us know Zoe was already in a room, thanks to the pull he and the collective of doctors we knew had. Apparently, Zoe was a very important patient - “she’s a VIP” Nico had joked, which despite everything, made us all crack a genuine smile - and her doctor made sure she got the best service.

We passed through both Queens and Brooklyn without any news beside “she’s having some tests done” but Apollo arrived somewhere in our pass through Brooklyn, and by the time we crossed Brooklyn Bridge, her own doctor was also there present through her different tests. 

(Somewhere across Queens I remembered I hadn’t even told my mom about anything, and figured she was better off not knowing I’d left Delphi House, the less she knew, the less she could panic.)

Once we crossed the bridge, we were there in no time. As I parked the car, I felt a spark of pride among all the fear, because not only had I driven around more of New York than I ever had in my life, since I rarely drove as it was, but I also didn’t get pulled over or nearly gotten in an accident once - I had to tell my mom of this achievement later because she always said “ _ caracho _ Percy, you can’t drive!” and today was proof it wasn’t me, she just made me nervous.

Regardless, we got out of the van and headed to the front door, before notifying Dr. D. He met us on the reception, though he could have easily just told us the room number Zoe was at.

“Oh thank- I’m so glad you’re all alive,” he said when he saw us standing there in the reception.

“Jeez thanks for the trust,” I muttered, but I knew everyone was thinking the same thing -  _ I hadn’t been lying, and could drive well enough that I didn’t kill anyone _ .

“Eh, one can never be too sure,” he turned towards the elevator, “come, I don’t want you exposing yourselves to unnecessary microbes.”

We went up to Zoe’s room, and were immediately relieved when we found her awake, smiling faintly at her mom and Dr. Apollo joking around - mostly Apollo while Artemis looked amused at her brother, but there was still a sorrowful twinkle in her eyes. Artemis caught sight of us before the other two, and she smiled tiredly at us.

“Well, well, well,” she said, her eyes never leaving us, “guess who’s here to visit, Zoe.”

She finally turned to us, and she went through joy, confusion, recognition, and anger in less than a second.

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” She raised her voice louder than I thought she had the energy to, if I was honest. She addressed Dr. D. “Why are there here? They can’t come to the hospital, what if they get sick or if they catch something-”

“Hey,” Annabeth said gently, rushing to her side, “we don’t care about that, we had to see you were okay.”

“Trust me, Nightshade, there was nothing I could do to stop them from coming.”

Zoe was tearing up a little, and she whispered, “You shouldn’t have come…”

“Hey, we’re already here, aren’t we?” Luke said approaching Zoe’s side, next to Annabeth.

“It’s not like we can get back now, we’re here to stay with you Zoe,” I moved to stand by the foot of the bed, since Artemis was sitting down on a chair opposite Luke and Annabeth.

“Still, I-” she exhaled deeply, before smiling softly again, “thank you guys.”

Only Nico was left standing at the door next to Dr. D, but he soon rushed over, shoving Luke and Annabeth to the side as he bent to hug Zoe. She was surprised for a moment, but she embraced Nico warmly, her wide eyes brimming. 

“I was so scared something was wrong,” Nico whispered in a tone that made  _ me _ want to cry as well.

“I know, Nico, I’m so sorry,” Zoe whispered back, “but I’m okay now, it’s okay.”

After the heartfelt moment, and another scolding from Zoe because “you were honestly so irresponsible coming, as much as I appreciate you”, we settled down in the various chairs around the room, Annabeth hauling a chair to sit on Zoe’s side too.

I made sure to text Jason, to let the others know Zoe was okay, since I doubted 

It was weird to see Apollo not being Dr. Apollo, but he was a whole different person then than he was while you were his patient. He was outgoing and loud, contrary to the more professional side he’d show during consults and stays at the hospital. Not that throughout the years I’d grown to act more friendly and comfortably with him, but this was beyond that.

_ I figure that’s ‘cause they’re family, if you think about it. _

For about an hour, all we did was hear as Apollo told us stories about when he and Artemis were younger, fun anecdotes, and embarrassing moments of them both. It got better once they both told us embarrassing moments in Zoe’s life. Despite the grim situation, we couldn’t help but giggle and laugh at everything told to us. Even Dr. D was looking openly happy.

That means that, for about an hour, we found ourselves in the calm before the storm. 

Apollo was interrupted in the middle of telling us the story of when they literally threw hands with a bunch of other kids because their mother had insulted the twins’ mother - which was both hilarious and crazy - by an older doctor. He couldn’t have been older than in his late 40s, but his hair was already greying, a color that matched his eyes. 

“Ah, Zoe, I didn’t know you were expecting visitors,” the doctor said smiling.

“Oh, she wasn’t,” Apollo said, standing up and greeting him, “ignore them, they’re tourists.”

“Kids, meet Dr. Roberts,” Dr. D said, standing up as well, “he’s Zoe’s main endocrinologist.”

“Nice to meet you,  _ tourists _ ,” he smiled at us, before motioning to Zoe “Now, how are you feeling, kiddo?”

“Not a kid anymore,” she muttered before speaking up louder, “I feel better right now, still a little tired, but I’m not too bad.”

Dr. Roberts hummed in response, checking her vitals quickly, and turning to Dr. D and Apollo. “Alright then, I just came by to let you know Zoe’s labs and tests are back, I’m sure you two will want to check it with us.”

“Yes, of course,” they both said at the same time.

“Alright then, excuse us,” Dr. Roberts said, before the three of them walked out the door, leaving only Artemis and us.

We were more nervous knowing that the tests were back, and that they were discussing very serious matters, but we still managed to keep up conversation, mostly about what interesting things we’d been up to lately, and more stories of young Zoe. It was only a 15 minutes later that the doctors came back, looking disconcerted, but covering it with a stern facade. Dr. Roberts came to sit down at the foot of the bed, sighing softly.

“We’ve analyzed the results, and we all came to the same conclusion Zoe, and that is that you’re lying.”

She looked half indignant, half hurt. “I beg your pardon-”

“Look, Zoe,” Dr. approached her side too, “there’s no way you ‘feel better now’ and ‘are not too bad’, because your thyroid hormone count is through the roof, you have a fever and as you can see in this very helpful monitor, your heart is having some trouble.”

“We know you probably are keeping up this front as not to worry your mom and your friends here, but you don’t have to hide how bad you’re feeling, because you’re  _ not okay _ right now,” Apollo said, sounding disheartened, “your thyroid is swelling, the fever is caused by your immune system attacking your own body, and your heart rate is very high.”

“What does that mean?” Artemis spoke through wavery voice, “Apollo, what are you saying?”

Apollo opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, Dr. Roberts continued.

“What we’re saying is that instead of improving, like we previously hoped, the hyperthyroidism has been accelerating, in what we call thyroid storm, and the iodine and beta blockers are being of much help,” he took a small pause, “so because other treatments aren’t working, and because we ruled out using the anti-thyroid drugs before, surgery seems to be our only option.”

The room fell in silence. Tension and panic was building up, and I was certain everyone felt the same fear I was feeling, as Zoe’s words refusing to have the surgery came to mind. Luke put an arm around Nico, who was trembling softly, and both Artemis and Annabeth reached out to hold Zoe’s hand, but she made no effort to hold them back. Her words echoed in my head.

_ There’s a surgery that can make me better, but I don’t want to have it… I don’t want to live like that… complications… medicine for the rest of my life… I don’t want that… I’m so tired… this is not me… it won’t change anything... _

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Isn’t there something else that can be done?”

I regretted saying that the moment it left my mouth, because everyone was looking at me now.

“I’m afraid not,” Dr. D said cautiously, “Zoe’s heart has been under too much stress, we don’t have the time to see if any drugs or iodine do their work... we must aim for quick results, and the surgery is the only alternative.”

“You know I’m not getting my thyroid removed,” Zoe said harshly.

“Sweetheart,” Artemis said softly, “maybe it’s time to reconsider it?”

“Yeah,” Annabeth’s voice shook with uncertainty, “it’s just a surgery Zoe-”

“It’s not though!” she snapped at Annabeth, as she shook of both Annabeth and Artemis’ hands. “Not only are there the established consequences, like having to take meds and supplements for the rest of my life, but there’s also the complications! I could lose my voice, I could get an infection, not to mention the risks of having surgery in general! And let’s not pretend my heart is good enough that there’s not an even higher risk of having a heart attack, or an embolism!”

“Zoe,” Apollo spoke up gently, “those are risks, yes, but the odds of any of that happening are-”

“Not zero,” she interrupted, “I’m sorry but I’m  _ not _ having this surgery, and I’m not changing my mind.” 

Annabeth stood from her chair abruptly, and left the room without a word, sobbing softly, quickly followed by Luke calling out her name, and Nico, who was practically clinging to Luke. Dr. D called after all of them, before sighing.

“Look, Zoe,” he started, “you won’t last too long if we don’t do the surgery, you need it  _ now _ , and I know you’ve said you don’t want it, but please consider it… I have to go check on those kids, stay here Jackson.”

He left the room muttering something about “shouldn’t have let them come”. I sent a quick text to Luke, urging him to let me know they were okay, but got no answer. 

Soon after, Dr. Roberts left to check on his other patients, but he said he’d check up on Zoe to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind. Apollo left to talk with some colleagues to see if they could come up with any alternative. Artemis went out to the balcony to speak with Zoe’s sisters and catch them up on everything going on - but I had a feeling she was also looking for a private place to cry.

That left only a very enraged Zoe and a very frightened and sad me in the room, but at least Luke replied saying they were okay, but Annabeth needed space.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I could try again to convince her to have the surgery, but I’d failed once already. Or I could be there for her like I promised. 

I sighed deeply, burying my fear and anxiety as far as possible, before moving to sit down next to Zoe.

“I know I promised I’d be by your side no matter what, but I can’t give up without trying one more time.”

“Percy, I’m tired, just don’t-”

“Please just listen to me,” I pleaded softly, “I understand every reason why you don’t want to have the surgery, and it might make  _ me _ the selfish one, but I need you to understand why we want you to have it, and it all comes down to the fact that we want you to live, because the reason you don’t want to do that is the past, but you’re not giving your future a chance, you’re not allowing your life to become brighter and for everything to be better…” 

She stayed quiet, and I wasn’t sure If I had ruined our friendship, but it wouldn’t matter if she said no, and it would have been worth it if she considered the surgery.

“I know you’ve had your mind set on the fact that you don’t want surgery, because of the risks, because of everything, but isn’t everything risky? Just being alive poses a risk of suddenly not being alive… Aren’t the risks worth getting a future? With your mom, with Annabeth, with Thalia, with your sister, with all of us?” I buried my head in my hands, the despair that had been creeping up my spine threatening to overwhelm me. “All I ask is that you give life a chance to prove that it can better, and that you beat the shit out of your condition… Having said that, everything that was on my mind, I’m here whatever you decide, though maybe not as enthusiastic if you don’t get it.”

We stayed in silence, and Zoe continued lying down staring at the ceiling, refusing to even spare a glance my way. Dr. D came back with a crumbled Nico by his side, and I immediately went to comfort him as best as I could. Even they chose to remain in silence, sensing the tense feeling in the room.

Artemis came back inside too, eyes a little shiny and nose a little red, but no one commented on that. 

“Your sisters wished they were here, but I told them I couldn’t leave here to come pick them up, even if they complained,” she sat on the bed next to her and stroked her hair gently, “still, they send you hugs and hope we can get home soon-”

“I’m willing to make a deal,” Zoe said firmly. 

“A deal? What do you mean dear-”

“I mean, as in I consider the surgery under certain conditions.”

Dr. D smiled from his seat, “I’ll page Dr. Roberts, give me a second.”

He hurried out of the room, and in less than two minutes, he came in followed by Dr. Roberts, Apollo, Luke and Annabeth, all wearing hopeful smiles but Annabeth, whose eyes were open wide as she cried softly.

“We hear you Zoe, what’s your, um, proposition?”

“You said my thyroid hormone count and my heart rate are high, right? That’s what’s worrying you?” They nodded in response. “Well, if by nightfall, you’ve pushed any drugs and treatments you can and those numbers remain out of normal, I’m getting the surgery,  _ but _ you’re not damaging my vocal chords, even if it means you don’t get the thyroid out, and if something goes wrong during surgery and I end up brain dead, I’m not staying on life support, if I die I die. That’s my deal.”

We all stayed in silence, weighing Zoe’s words, that shortly translated to ‘ _ I’m having it but you have to do it perfectly, or else just let me die _ ’, which wasn’t too easy to digest, but it was more than nothing.

“Zoe, you can’t be serious about everything-”

“I am mom,” she whispered with pleading eyes, “I’m only living if the future I can live is better than what I have right now, nothing less.”

She glanced at me shortly, and I couldn’t help but smile, because maybe what I said had worked, now we only had to hope for the best.

“Alright then,” Dr. Roberts said, looking intensely relieved, “I have a free slot at 7:30, if your numbers don’t improve, you’re having the surgery then.”

“We’re gonna give you some iodine, try a less aggressive anti-thyroid drug, and continue the beta blockers, to try and see if those numbers come down, though the odds of that happening are slim,” Dr. D said, smiling in relief as well. 

“We’re proud you’ve come to this decision Zoe,” Apollo came to kneel at her side, smiling widely at her, which she returned.

“Oh, I almost forgot, I also want to go outside before the surgery.”

“You can go out to the balcony if you’re not feeling too bad-”

“No, I’m going  _ outside  _ outside,” she sighed, “if I go, I want my last memory to be of the stars, even if  _ Manhattan _ isn’t the place I’d choose to stargaze.”

Dr. D snorted, and exchanged glances with Dr. Roberts.

“I guess… going to the rooftop can be arranged, but it won’t be your last memory, alright?”

She nodded, smiling, letting herself actually be hopeful. 

“We should go talk to a certain  _ President _ of the hospital then, shouldn’t we?” Apollo said humorously. 

“That should be fun,” Dr. Roberts said chuckling, “we’ll go right away, then.”

The three doctors left once again, and we finally were able to relish in the relief that Zoe had a chance of getting better, and she wasn’t gonna let herself simply die.

Annabeth reacted first, throwing herself at Zoe, hugging her so tight I was afraid she was going to cut off her airway, and she was quickly followed by Nico, who was crying loudly. Luke and I approached more calmly, but I could feel the need to cry and break down in happiness too, and I knew Luke was the same. Artemis never let go of her hand once.

“You’re lucky I love you all,” Zoe said, voice choked up, “and that  _ someone  _ has a good future to ensure, otherwise I wouldn’t be accepting.”

“You know I’ll carve you the  _ best  _ future, Zoe,” I smiled, letting her know I was grateful she had accepted.

_ Zoe’s getting thyroid surgery tonight _ , I’d texted Jason,  _ the doctors are confident she’ll be alright after _ .

The day went by way too fastly for being cooped up in a room all day, the five of us plus Artemis, Dr. D and Apollo, playing board games, listening to the adults’ anecdotes and eating actually good hospital food. The president of the hospital had approved that Zoe could go to the roof to watch the stars as long as the correct protocols were followed, which made her ecstatic, even if ‘ _ the New York sky is polluted as hell, but it’s preferable to nothing’ _ .

Unfortunately, her numbers didn’t come down, and the surgery was taking place. They were going to be prepping her for the procedure soon, but Zoe still seemed reluctant, a pout on her lips as she was in deep thought, as we - Annabeth, Nico, Luke, Artemis, Apollo, Dr. D and I - all sat around the room.

“You’re not backing down right now, Zoe,” Annabeth said, strength behind her words, “you’re Zoe freaking Nightshade, you can overcome this, we have faith in you.”

She fought a chuckle, “Thank you  _ Annie _ , if I’m Zoe freaking Nightshade, you’re Annie to me.”

It was Annabeth’s turn to fight a smile, “I guess I can accept that for now, but don’t think I’ll let you call me that forever.”

“Look, guys, everyone, I know you’re trying to be optimistic and all, but if anything were to happen to me-”

“You’re gonna be okay-”

“ _ If _ anything were to happen to me,” she exhaled deeply, “I want you all to know I love you, and I appreciate having known you…” she turned to Artemis and Apollo, “You’re the best thing that happened to me, mom, along with my sisters, and even you Uncle, you’re my true family, fuck genetics, fuck biology, you  _ are _ my  _ real _ family, and I wouldn’t change you for anyone else.

“You’re my second family,” she looked at us, especially Dr. D, “I just thank you for giving me the chance to find you, because you truly are incredibly important to me, you proved me more and more that I can trust people,” she glanced at Luke and Nico, before fixing her stare at me, “and despite what I believed, you reminded me not all men are wrong,” she held Annabeth’s hand, “and that some friendship are like sisterhoods, with a bond that no one can break.”

She was crying again, but her feature were soft, free… happy. She was letting herself be herself, no pressures, no fronts, just her. She was content with life so far, it didn’t matter if things went right or wrong, only the now mattered.

No one dared to speak, so she continued.

“What I’m saying is thank you, for saving me, for being with me, and just for… being.”

Nico was the first who spoke, “You can’t forget what you said, ‘cause you’re gonna have to tell the rest those exact words.”

She snickered, “Let’s hope I can, but make sure to tell them if I’m gone.”

“Zoe-”

A knock interrupted Artemis. 

“Hi there, we’re ready to take her upstairs for her, ah, stargazing moment,” the nurse said rather patronizingly.

“ _ Finally _ ,” Zoe said with a smile. 

“Alright,” Dr. D said standing up from his chair, “you kids will go to the waiting room downstairs, we’ll meet you in a moment, we’re just gonna accompany Zoe-”

“What, we can’t go?”

“Of course not,” Apollo snorted, “we barely got permission to allow Zoe up there, let alone 4 other teenagers/young adults.”

“Can one come at least?” Zoe asked as the nurses started disconnecting her from several monitors and only the IV was left.

Dr. D and Apollo exchanged looks for the thousandth time that day.

“Why the hell not?” Apollo said at last, “But only one, ‘cause Artemis is coming without actual permission too.”

“Percy,” was all Zoe said in the most nonchalant tone ever, as if I was the obvious option among some of her closest friends in all her life.

“I’m sorry,  _ what _ ?” Annabeth demanded, “Can’t I come instead-”

“No,” she said softly, “I’m sorry guys, I know we’ve been friends forever, but… this time I need the one person who understood me the most.”

They all turned to look at me, which made me lowkey uncomfortable.

“Are you sure about this Zoe? I mean, I know I wouldn’t usually be you first choice-”

“I’m sure, Percy,” she smiled warmly, “won’t you give me some company?”

“I- of course, I’d like to do that.”

“Perfect, let’s get going, the faster we can get you to surgery the better!” Apollo beamed, “I’m gonna head downstairs to see if the OR is ready, I’ll wait for you there. See ya in a minute.”

“Right, you three head downstairs to the waiting room, Artemis and Percy will be right there.”

Annabeth didn’t want to let go of Zoe’s hand.

“Don’t you dare not return to me, Zoe,” she held her sobs back, “I’ll meet you back here when you’re all done.”

She let Zoe’s hand go, and Nico and Luke approached at the same time, Nico engulfing her in a hug.

“Please make it through this Zoe, I don’t want to lose another sister,” his eyes glistened, but he wasn’t crying.

“You know she’s proud of you, right? So would I, Nico, I’m so proud of you.”

She hugged him tightly, before turning to Luke, with a humorous smile.

“I won’t say anything to you Zoe, because you’re coming back to us, I won’t give you a goodbye, just… at most, I can tell you see you later, but you  _ are _ getting through this, you have to.”

Her smile turned pained for a moment, but she nodded, and hugged him tight too. She took a deep breath after.

“Alright, I’m ready, let’s go.”

The three of them went down through one elevator, while the five of us (because a nurse was coming too) headed up through a special elevator. 

When the doors opened, we found ourselves in the chill of the night, and I’m not sure if it was because I wanted that, but somehow, the Lower Manhattan lights didn’t seem as bright as I remembered, and they didn’t drown the sky.

Maybe it wasn’t just me, maybe the day was just that good, because Zoe gasped as she looked up.

“Look! I didn’t expect them to seem so bright, you can even distinguish some constellations!”

Her happiness, so naive and honest, was contagious, because even the previously condescending nurse found herself smiling along with Zoe’s rambling of the stars. Despite enjoying it, and holding her hand as she looked at the night sky in joy, I didn’t understand why she’d chosen me to come.

It wasn’t long before Dr. D said they needed to get going. However, Zoe wasn’t sad or disappointed of leaving, she was at ease, at peace.

“Alright, let’s go,” she sighed dreamily, “thank you Dr. D, I got to see the stars again.”

“You’ll see them again, my brave girl,” Artemis stroked her cheek, and Zoe smiled up warmly at her, but she didn’t answer.

We made our way downstairs quicker than I would have liked, and soon we were being separated.

“Artemis, Percy, this is as far as you can go,” Dr. D turned to the nurse, “nurse Mary will take her to prep her, and I’ll guide you to the waiting room, then I’ll come back here.”

Artemis held her breath, but nodded, holding back her feelings. “Of course, I’ll see you when you’re out sweetheart, you’ll be okay, you hear me? You’ll make it out of this, just like you’ve always done… I love you Zoe, I’ll never stop loving you.”

“I love you too mom, I could never tell you how much you mean to me.”

They hugged one last time, and I was about to speak up when Zoe held up her hand.

“Wait,” she said, “is there a way we can talk to alone for a moment?”

Artemis looked stunned, but Dr. D nodded nonetheless. “Of course, come with me Artemis.”

The nurse walked a couple feet away to check something on the computer, but I had a feeling she was only eavesdropping. I opened my mouth to ask her what was up, but she beat me to it.

“I’ll be short, Percy,” she took a deep breath, “I trust you, and I don’t think the others would listen to me if I told them this, but I have a feeling the surgery will be harder than they’re letting on.”

“Don’t say that Zoe-”

“Please, just, I’m not sure I’m gonna make it Percy, but I need to ask of you something really important, and that is that if I  _ don’t _ make it, I need you to look after those three, and the others too, but I know today will hit them the hardest, maybe you too, but my point is… please look after them if I find myself not able to, Nico has already lost so much, same as Annabeth, but she will try to pretend she's okay, and Luke… help him the most, I know you've got a special connection."

"Zoe, first you  _ are  _ going to make it, and second, we don't have any special connection or-" 

"Percy, just promise me you'll be there for them like you've been here for me." 

She was asking too much of me.  _ I _ was losing her too if things went wrong, who was going to be there for me, as selfish as it sounds? But I couldn't say no to those pain-filled eyes of hers. 

" I will be there for them, regardless of anything, but so will you, promise me you won't give up."

"I'm not giving up Percy, but I'm happy, and I don't want you to be sad for too long if something happens, I want you to be happy too, like I am, because I could see the stars."

It hurt me, but I promised to be here for her, and to encourage her despite everything. 

"You'll are the brightest star Zoe, just don't stop shining tonight, because the sky wouldn't be the same without you."

"I'd never leave the sky, even if you couldn't see me." 

Dr. D walked back to us, effectively ending our conversation. 

"Kids, as much as I want you to have some heart-to-heart, the surgery needs to start soon, we can't waste time, and Artemis is waiting."

"It's okay, we're done," Zoe said, smiling up at him. 

"You'll be okay Zoe, you'll make it through the surgery, and then you're gonna be okay, and without knowing it you'll be back home,  _ we'll _ be back home."

"I'll see you Percy, remember me in the stars."

Just like that she was being wheeled away, and Dr. D guided me through corridors, we met Artemis along the way, and we reached the waiting room, full of people in different levels of anxiety. 

A picture came to my head once again, and that was becoming annoying. 

I could hear cries, and see the big blue eyes of my mom right in front of my face. It must have been a continuation of the memory I had before, because my clothes were still covered in blood, but I wasn't bleeding and neither was my mom. She was weeping in despair, but I couldn't understand what she was saying or why she was crying, as she held me with strong arms. I could hear another voice coming from behind, but I couldn't turn. 'I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, we did everything we could, but he's gone'. 

_ Who was gone? What's going on?  _

Memories started flashing. Coming home to find  _ redredred _ and my mom calling 911. Dull green eyes, once vibrant with life, now lifeless. A bloody knife. There’s blood everywhere. A whispered apology. Who’s crying? Someone’s screaming. The flashes of sirens. The bright lights of the ER. Frantic voices. There’s more tears and cries. Then there’s quiet. Then there’s nothing. 

The impression is gone faster than it came to me, but I halt in my step, confused and overwhelmed, because what the fuck just happened. I tried to regain my composure quickly, but I find myself rooted to the spot, staring at the ceiling lamp. 

_ There’s the screams and the sobs, what the hell happened? What’s going on? Am I losing my mind- _

“Jackson, hurry up, I have to get back in there.” Dr. D’s voice interrupted my thoughts, and I snapped back to reality, but everything was colder, and I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around myself, frowning slightly. “Hey, everything okay?”

_ Definitely no _ , I wanted to say, but instead I said, “Of course, I just got a bit chilly out of nowhere.”

I didn’t know if he caught my lie, but if he did he dropped it, because he didn’t say anything else beside, “Alright, I need to get back, but I’ll see if a nurse can bring you a blanket or something, I don’t want you getting bradycardic again.”

We spotted Annabeth, Luke and Nico sitting down by the corner of the room, so Dr. D let us by ourselves. Artemis and I approached them, and they turned to look up expectantly when they heard us coming.

“Is she okay?” 

“We just saw her getting ready for surgery, we couldn’t go beyond, but she… she’s in great hands.”

We sat down to wait. Time went by agonizingly slow, but my mind wouldn’t fucking shut up. I was worried about Zoe, but my head kept bringing up images of being here in such a similar it situation, and I couldn’t help but feel fear and anxiety, because I knew things had gone wrong before, so why wouldn’t they go wrong now-

Dr. D kept his word and at some point a nurse came to give us some blankets, while Artemis went to get us some snacks, though I figured she was trying to distract herself from her daughter’s surgery by taking care of us.

The worst thing was that no one was up for a chat, so there was nothing to distract me, though at one point a very tired Nico laid his head on my shoulder, which surprised me. He didn’t fall asleep, but he seemed comfortable, and I wasn’t going to deny him some peace at the moment.

But my mind kept racing. I was at the present, I was back to being a small child. I was with my weeping mom, I was with my friends. I was wearing wet and cold clothes, I had a blanket over my shoulders. The only common factor between reality and the visions I was seeing was that I was frightened in both scenarios. 

But I couldn’t really remember ever being here. We’d always gone to Columbia, not Lower Manhattan. What had happened back then? Why were we at the hospital? Why couldn’t I remember? Could I trust in this place?

I tried keeping the others up to date, and at one point I texted my mom about everything that had happened, but not without hesitating first. 

_ Was she not telling me something? What could be so much that she would keep it a secret? _

A couple hours went by, and we hadn’t received any news, which could mean that everything was going so smoothly nothing was worth notifying, or things were going so badly they couldn’t leave to notify us. I chose to believe the former because I had enough on my plate to be thinking so negatively.

At some point, I stood up and went for a short walk to stretch. I didn’t take long, but I passed by a window on the way back, and something told me to look outside, to feel better by looking at the stars, but I found only grey skies. While two hours ago, it had been so clear we were able to watch the stars, clouds had settled above New York, and I had a feeling it would rain soon, which didn’t help my mood.

I went back to find Nico fidgeting nervously with the hem of his t-shirt, looking more nervous than before.

“Hey, Nico, is everything okay?”

“I don’t know, something feels wrong.”

“What do you mean? Are  _ you _ okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.”

I didn’t reply. I could just hope that his feeling was wrong, as my head kept being invaded by the same images. 

It didn’t take much longer for Dr. D and Dr. Roberts to come out of the doors, but Apollo was nowhere to be found. They both had neutral masks on, but I got what Nico had been feeling. Something was wrong. 

Artemis must have felt the same way, because she didn’t wait for them to come closer to us. Instead, she ran up to them, and from the distance I couldn’t understand what they were saying.

But I didn’t need to hear to understand what had happened.

Dr. D stayed quiet while Dr. Roberts spoke to Artemis, but he couldn’t look at her in the eyes, and my heart fell along with Artemis.

As she collapsed to her knees sobbing, hiding her face in her hands, I heard Nico’s breath hitch, and for a second I glanced to my other side, only to see Annabeth collapse to Luke’s arms as her whole body shook with cries. Luke had tears running down his face too, as he held himself together for Annabeth’s sake. I met his eyes, and found only pain.

We didn’t need words to understand that Zoe Nightshade was dead and the sky was mourning her loss with us, because it started to rain, and it shone like silver, as if the stars themselves were falling. 

Tears started rolling down my face as I engulfed Nico in a hug.

Not a single star shone that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, feel free to scream in a comment


	7. In a Darkened Room (Quiet and Alone)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I'm so sorry I took so long to update, between moving houses, painting my old house and fixing up some stuff and tidying up my new house, I haven't had much time to write, and I haven't even had WiFi the past couple of weeks, so I handwrote the majority of this chapter, but it's finally here! I'm really sorry I left you in a cliffhanger, lmao but I'm back and I hope to fall back to my previous schedule so you can expect weekly updates again :)
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos and the comments, they really make my days happier!
> 
> Now on to the chapter, Trigger Warning for mention of character death, depressive tendencies, mention of self harm, mention of death and just mourning in general. This one’s pretty angsty, and I kinda cried writing it, but I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Please comment and leave a kudo if you enjoy it :)

"Despite all the pain,

The tears and the rain,

It’s got to get better" 

As It Is,  _ The Hurt, The Hope _

**Chapter 7: In a Darkened Room (Quiet and Alone)**

The world mourned Zoe Nightshade the night she died, and the day after, and the day after.

Time didn’t mean much, it had stopped ticking, and everything was a blur for the next couple of days.

I’d never forget Artemis sobs and wails of anguish, full of hurt and a broken soul, as the words echoed off the walls.

“I’m sorry, we did everything we could, but her heart couldn’t take the stress of the surgery anymore.”

The words were haunting, beasts chasing all of us for days.

The world had turned cold, misty,  _ incomplete _ . Quiet

Everything was too quiet without Zoe Nightshade, too bleak.

The funeral took place two days after, the frigid autumn wind harsh against our skin as we stood in Mount Calvary Cemetery in North White Plains. 

I hadn’t been to upstate New York many times in my life, and the hour-long ride to White Plains offered us beautiful sights and sceneries, which would have been satisfying and joyful if it weren’t for the circumstances.

But Zoe used to live upstate, before she moved to Delphi House, and that’s where Artemis and her other daughters lived. Artemis only wanted Zoe near her, and no one would object to that.

Around the hole in the ground, all of us stood grimly, some with tears down their faces, others staring numbly at Zoe’s casket, others desperately trying not to cry, and others angrily refusing to believe Zoe was gone.

I was personally in the third group. I had cried too much already, and I was tired of it. Tired of the runny nose, the blotchy eyes, the headaches. Tired of the pain. 

Instead of staring at Zoe’s lowering casket, I prefered to focus on the people there. Artemis stood with her daughters and Apollo, who in turn had Will by his side. They were all crying softly, almost subtly, except for Apollo, who was comforting his sister as best he could.

A couple of other girls stood a little behind them, Zoe’s friends from school before everything went wrong. From what I could tell, they hadn’t been much in touch lately, but they all seemed wrecked by her death. 

We stood with Chiron, Dr. D, Thalia and with some parents that had decided to come, for emotional support and security all the same. My mom was here, as well as Annabeth’s dad and Jason’s stepmom, though she didn’t seem to be here because she wanted to.

I focused on the flowers adorning the space surrounding her grave. Blue, violet, yellow and white lied on the ground, being softly moved by the breeze. They were too beautiful, enchanting in a way, to be meant to adorn a gravestone, to be here in this cold cemetery where they would wither and die. But then again, Zoe was too beautiful to be lying in a coffin being lowered into a hole in the ground, and she deserved the most enchanting flowers. 

I shut my brain off. I didn’t hear a single thing the man dressed in black holding the funeral service was saying. Instead I continued to stare at the flowers being swayed almost gently, despite feeling like it was hitting my cheeks harshly. 

I didn’t know how much time had gone by, but suddenly a hand rested on my shoulder, and I jumped slightly in surprise. I turned to find Annabeth, whose grey eyes were stormier than ever, red and puffy from crying, and she was looking at me tiredly.

“Come on, Percy,” she whispered gently through her pain, grabbing my hand and turning me around, “let’s get back home.”

I didn’t want to, seeing the hole covered in dirt made everything so much more real, and far scarier. I noticed Artemis still standing there, with her other daughters, staring at the spot with tears down her cheeks, my brain provided me with a similar picture. 

I remembered staring down at a similar grave, the scent of fresh dirt and flowers overwhelming. I was being held in someone’s arms, and I heard soft pained sniffs. I looked up to tear-filled blue eyes, but unlike today, no one else surrounded the grave, only my mom and I, in cold silence. Memories had been hitting me lately, of the green eyes and black bearded face, but I didn’t want to tell anyone, and I had more pressing matters than whatever had happened in the past, if it had actually happened and I wasn’t making things up.

I still let Annabeth lead me away. As we made our way back to our cars, a young woman with caramel hair and almond shaped eyes walked past us. We locked eyes, but I quickly looked away from the pain and regret that reflected from her. She headed towards Zoe’s place, and I could hear Artemis telling her a surprised hello. I let the girl drop from my mind. I reckoned she wasn’t relevant right now.

Annabeth let go of my hand as we reached the curb, since I’d be riding with my mom back to the city, and she’d be riding with her dad. She smiled sadly at me but there was nothing but hurt in her eyes, before joining her father.

The ride back with my mom was silent,  _ too _ silent. It provided too much time to think and dwell on bad things. It made me angry.

Zoe didn’t want us to be sad. In fact, I had known her the shortest time out of everyone. Annabeth was supposed to feel wrecked and act like a mess, just like Luke had been doing, just like I was doing. Not me. Anyone but me. Yet I still felt a hole in my chest made up of ice and loss. I didn’t really deserve to feel so bad about Zoe’s passing. But I did. 

And my memories were becoming tiresome, but I was too tired to ask my mom, and too hurt to even consider that she might give me the information I needed to understand what the fuck the images I was seeing were. 

But for the entire time back to Huntington, almost two hours long because of traffic, I refused to speak or even think about anything. My mom tried to distract me, bless her, as she told me about how busy she had been writing her novel. I was happy for her, I really was, but everything else didn’t let me fully feel happy. I made a mental note to talk to her about it once things got better… if things got easier.

When we got to Huntington, she hugged me harder than ever, and a part of me wondered if she was thinking that someday within the next year it would be me in a casket. Part of me felt warm guilt at making her come to Zoe’s funeral, but the chill air carried it away, leaving me numb again. 

“Call me if you need anything,” she whispered gently, “if you want to come home for a bit, I’m sure we can arrange something with Dr. Dionysus and Dr. Brunner-”

“It’s okay mom,” I tried my best smile, but I wasn’t sure I got it right, “I’ll be just fine, it was just hard losing her, but it’ll be okay.”

“I know,  _ mi amor _ , just-” she ran her hand through her hair anxiously, “just let me know if you need me alright? I’m here for you.”

I hugged her again, letting out a strangled exhale, “Thanks, mama, I know.”

She left shortly after, and so did the other parents. Only Thalia stayed behind, after a brief discussion with her stepmom.

The silence was deafening. The air was so tense you could cut it with a butterknife, and I couldn’t stand being with everyone right now when it was like that. While everyone else settled in the living room, I walked outside, not sparing them a glance, not noticing that neither Luke nor Hazel were with the rest. I made my way straight to the lawn, and didn’t even bother to grab a chair, sitting in the fresh grass instead, still wearing my black suit and all. 

Was Zoe resting? Was she at least finally at peace? She deserved a happy afterlife. 

She deserved to live, actually, but a happy afterlife was the next best thing. 

I tried turning my brain off, staring at the noon sky, watching the clouds pass by. 

The day was beautiful, and it didn’t seem fair. The skies were blue, the breeze seemed to caress the trees and flowers, even if it bit at me roughly. Birds chirped somewhere up in the trees. Even the leaves looked brighter and greener, where they should be turning brown and falling away. 

Meanwhile, Zoe was missing out on this, lying lifeless six feet under. 

It wasn’t fair. The world should be cold and lifeless, too. 

I can’t have been there alone for much, but behind me, I heard the rustle of grass as someone stepped over it, and soon a body was sitting down next to me. 

She smelled of lillies and pinewood all the same, and I knew that because she once told me her favorite perfume smelled like lillies while her boyfriend usually wore pinewood cologne. I didn’t need to turn to know who she was. 

Piper stayed silent, and from the corner of my eyes I saw as she yanked out strands of grass and made small ribbons out of them, setting them down in the ground. 

Even if she did nothing, her presence was rather soothing, as she started humming an unfamiliar yet sorrowful tone.

She stopped after a while.

“You know,” she spoke up at last, “in Cherokee tradition, the people always stay together and support each other when there’s a loss. Everyone in the village mourn together, and they make sure no one is left alone in their grief.”

I finally turned to look at her, but she wasn’t looking at me, she was still doing ribbons with the strands of grass she picked from the dirt. 

Just like me, she hadn’t changed her clothes, but she was bolder, sitting down in the moist grass while wearing her black dress. 

I didn’t answer her, but she wasn’t expecting me to.

“Loss can take lots of time to heal, though really they would argue that 7 days was enough, but then funeral rites only lasted the time it took the spirit of the deceased to fade, but my point is that we don’t leave our people alone when they are in pain.”

“I don’t think I deserve to be grieving, you guys knew Zoe for far longer than I did, I knew her for like a month, I don’t get to be in pain.”

“That’s the thing Percy,” she said gently, “time doesn’t determine how much you grow to care for a person, trust me. You can love someone you met a week ago more than someone you met 8 years ago. Proof of that, is that you were closer to her than Jason or Hazel or me, and we’ve been here for longer than you. Just because you didn’t know her for long, it doesn’t mean you don’t get to be hurt by her death. ”

I remained silent, fearing that I would start crying if I talked. Piper didn’t seem to mind my quiet, as she continued playing with the grass.

“You know, I regret not getting to know her better, but she was always so… _ regal _ , she always kept herself so composed, and it wasn’t that she was cold, she was genuinely so caring and kind, but I don’t know, I guess I found her intimidating.”

That got a laugh out of me, sincere and wet, the first time I smiled and I meant it in days.

“Yeah, she really was intimidating, I wish she could hear you  _ actually _ just said she was  _ regal _ .”

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that,” she punched me faintly on my arm, smiling, “I mean it! Even these last weeks, she was always imposing and majestic, I admired her for that, she never lost herself, even in the worst of times.”

“I just can’t believe she’s really gone,” I whispered, and my voice broke. 

Piper took that as her cue to slide closer to me. We hadn’t been the closest of friends so far, but that didn’t stop her from grabbing my hand and laying her head on my shoulder. I leaned into the touch.

“You can find this cheesy,” she started, picking at the ends of her hair, “but my grandpa Tom, the one who taught me all about Cherokee culture, before he died he used to tell me that souls are never gone, they simply rest where their heart calls them, they’re at home with us, they never leave us.”

“Everyone says that all the time, how can they know? Does anyone even know if the afterlife exists?”

“It’s a little sad not to think we get to rest eventually, and no one  _ knows _ that our loved ones are with us when they pass, but no one knows they aren’t either. I’d like to think Zoe would like to be with us, she loved us, you.”

“She’d love to be with her mom, don’t you think?”

“Who’s to say she can’t be with us both when her heart belonged in two homes?”

“If anything, her heart belonged with the stars,” I whispered softly, looking up at the light sky, knowing the stars hid behind the light.

“Is- is that a bad thing?”

“Not at all, it’s where she’d be the happiest.”

“Then, when it’s night, look for the brightest star, that’s where she’ll be, like a guiding light.”

_ Would it hurt too much to start believing that Zoe was at peace in her favorite place? Or would it ease the pain? _

Even if our conversation wasn’t the most fluid, Piper’s voice was soothing and affirming, taking a small part of the weight resting on top of my chest.

We settled in silence once more, but it wasn’t as heavy nor as deafening. It felt less like drowning and more like reaching for the surface, but not quite there yet. But it was a start.

Not much later, I heard a second pair of footsteps walking towards us, crunching the grass in each step. I could see Piper look up to them and smile, and once more, I didn’t need to turn around to guess who it was.

“Hey guys,” Jason said carefully, sitting down besides Piper, “everything good?”

I took a deep breath, turning to the couple. “Yeah, we’re good, I’m… getting there.”

He smiled in relief, but I could see the pain behind his own eyes as well, and smiled back as best I could.

“You guys want to come in to eat?”

Lunch went by rather quickly, and I had a few bites here and there, not really hungry despite my talk with Piper.

There was a lot to think when it came to that conversation. It was liberating in a way, but it didn’t keep the guilt away for much, nor the other problem of the images trying to resurface in my memory at bay. 

_ Those aren’t important right now. Zoe matters. Nothing else does. _

It was silent. It was too quiet. It was too loud. Everything was too much. Zoe was gone. The dam was breaking. Everything was falling apart. Life’s a mess. My head was too loud, too fast, too much. But it was too quiet. Only whispers that couldn’t be heard. Green eyes, greying black hair. The stars. It’s too much.  _ Zoe was gone _ . 

I pushed my chair back hastily, making a loud noise in the deafening silence, startling the others and gaining confused looks, as well as some concerned ones. My vision was blurring a little, my breathing was getting shallow. Dr. D shot me a look I couldn’t name. 

“I’ll go upstairs,” I mumbled shakily, “I just need to lie down for a moment.”

I didn’t wait for a response, rushing for the stairs, feeling the piercing stares on my back, but I needed to get away, I needed a different kind of quiet. I needed an out.

My mind flashed back a couple years, filled with terrible coping mechanisms, and I thought of the scars on my thighs, tempted just for a second to add more lines to the pattern, before jerkily shaking my head.

_ You can’t go back there, dammit.You promised not to do it again. _

I stumbled through the halls, my vision closing in, my breaths short and panicked, but I continued to push myself forward leaning on the wall the whole time. I reached the end of the hall, and had my hands on my doorknob already, but I paused as I caught the door directly opposite my own, and my breath hitched.

I thought of the night sky of Montauk, of a girl’s graceful laugh, of songs and deep talks under the stars, but I heard a deep laugh underneath it, and thought of the bright green eyes, and the bright red blood, and the tears, and the intoxicating smell of flowers and rain, and the black dresses and suits, two different occasions. I felt only sorrow and loss and pain. I was  _ drowning,  _ sinking under the weight of everything.

I made my way across the hall and blindly pushed forward, falling to my knees once I was inside. I broke into cries, as my breath grew more ragged and my vision started to darken, until I heard a panicked voice behind me.

“Oh, god, Percy!” the voice exclaimed in alarm, rushing to my side.

I held my head in my hands, letting the cries shake my body, too tired of everything to care about the fact that someone else was seeing me in such a vulnerable moment. I couldn’t even  _ really _ realize there was someone else with me, I could only distinguish the maelstrom running rampant inside my head. 

But I felt two hands gently trying to take my own hands, and they led my head upwards, forcing me to face a pair of worried grey eyes. Even in my panic, I saw the storm brewing behind them.

“Hey, hey,” the voice whispered shakily, “can you listen to me, Percy?”

I attempted to nod or give them a sign, and I managed to jerkily move my head, trying to forget about the raw pain and focus on the girl in front of me instead.

“Good, that’s good,” she - Annabeth - mumbled, “I know you hurt, I know you miss her,  _ god _ , I miss her so much as well, but you have to try to take some deep breaths for me, just follow my rhythm, alright?”

“I can’t- I-” a sob ripped out of my throat, “-it’s too much- I can’t-”

“Yes, you can Percy!” I could hear the pain in her voice, and I knew that she was trying hard not to cry too, “I know it hurts but you have to push through that and find a way to keep going-”

“It’s not just  _ losing _ Zoe,” I gasped out in between cries, “I feel so guilty- like I- I should have done something- pushed her to do something before- maybe if I talked her into the procedure earlier- maybe she’d still be here- it’s all my fault! It’s my fault she’s  _ dead _ !”

Sobs continued to wrack my body as I curled in on myself, but I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders, as Annabeth enveloped me in a hug and I desperately hugged her back, clinging to her like a lifeline.

“I feel that way too,” she whispered brokenly, crying freely now, “you’re not alone, I feel guilty of not doing enough too… She- she was one of my closest friends, I loved her like a sister, I should have done more-”

She broke off with a sob of her own, and I held onto her more strongly. 

I don’t know how much time we stayed there like that, just holding each other, trying not to fall apart completely, but eventually, we both stopped crying. At one moment, we moved to lean on the bed - Zoe’s bed- side by side, but never let go. 

As our tears died, it grew silent, but it wasn’t deafening like it was earlier. It brought  _ shelter _ , like a blanket laid upon us, guarding us. It didn’t stop the numbness that spread over my body, as I stared blankly at the wall in front of me, but the hurricane in my head was starting to settle, at least a tiny bit.

It wasn’t until we heard a soft tentative knock on the door - which I hadn’t even realized was closed - that we let go of each other, and our silence broke. 

Jason’s concerned eyes stared at us from the door, analyzing, as he noticed what must have been our red and puffy eyes and the tear tracks that must have run down our cheeks; calculating, trying to figure out how to approach us.

“Hey guys,” he spoke softly, “we were growing quite worried about you - you’ve been up here for a while, for hours really, and we didn’t want to disturb you before, but it’s been too long, so yeah… Are- are you alright?”

“It’s getting repetitive Grace, it’s the second time you’ve asked me that today,” I tried to go for a joke, but he fixed me with a stare that clearly said ‘not the moment’.

I let out a deep, lost sigh and looked down at Annabeth, who had her head rested on my shoulder. She looked up at the same time, and a spark of understanding went between us. We weren’t alone.

“Not really,” she whispered sadly, “but I think we will be.”

“Oh, well, that’s probably on the top three best things you could have answered, and definitely the best I was hoping for,” he chuckled softly, but it held no joy, “You guys know you can count on me, right? Like, if you needed anything, you could come to me?”

“Of course, thanks bro,” I tried to shoot him a smile, but it fell short, “we’ll get through this, we have to, for her.”

“She’d want us to get our shit together, wouldn’t she?” Jason smiled, genuinely this time, but he stared past us, “anyway, uh, I’m supposed to come get you, you guys coming downstairs? I get if you want some alone time, but we’ve been talking and we figured it’s best we don’t leave each other alone right now. And Dr. D said he’ll come drag your asses downstairs if you’re here much longer.”

We all chuckled halfheartedly. I was about to speak when Annabeth shut me up. “We’ll be right there Jason, just give me another second with Percy.”

Jason gave her a short nod, but I could tell he wanted to say more before deciding against it and leaving, closing the door behind him. Annabeth stood up and offered her hand to help me up, which I took gladly.

“I just wanted to say thank you, Percy,” she murmured softly.

“Thank you? I’m the one that has to say thank you, I was panicking when you came here, you helped me get my breathing a little under control-”

“Actually, I didn’t do that, really, we just stayed here crying, you kinda just calmed down on your own, but what I’m thankful for has to do with that, the first part especifically, you let me feel enough to cry-”

“I was kinda breaking down if you don’t remember-”

“Still, I wouldn’t have cried like that with pretty much anyone else, except Zoe, Thalia and maybe Piper, but I felt like I could let go of my fears of being judged, of not being taken seriously later, of being emotional, I could be careless about those doubts for once, thanks to you.”

I stared curiously at her, not sure how to respond. In the end, I didn’t need to, because she continued speaking.

“But you can’t tell anyone I broke down like that, or I swear I’ll find a way to make you suffer.”

I held my hands up in surrender, “I won’t have a problem with that, it’s not like I wanna go around talking about this, but anyway, I should thank you as well, it felt good to open up like that.”

Annabeth only smiled softly and nodded, “We just gotta remember we’re not alone. Let's go before Dr. D actually comes get us.”

As I followed her down the stairs, I didn’t mention anything about my other burden, feeling that it had been enough for a day, but it never left my mind. The images, the memories just stayed there, twisting up what I thought I knew about myself and my past, but I pushed them to the back of my head, where they wouldn’t trouble me as much. I couldn’t deal with them at the moment, so I wouldn’t. That problem would have to wait a little longer.

Everyone was gathered downstairs, and I noticed that the silence wasn’t as deafening as before, in fact it wasn’t as silent to begin with, and I wondered if it ever had been or I had just been too lost inside my own head. 

I sat down next to Hazel, and she smiled warmly at me. I envied her greatly for her ability to remain so serene in difficult times, but I couldn’t resent  _ her when _ she was such a warm presence in my life.

“You feeling better?” she whispered softly, almost carefully. I nodded at her, but I still scrunched up my eyebrows and stared at her confused as to why she was speaking so softly. As if reading my mind, she huffed out a giggle and gestured to her other side, where I hadn't noticed Nico lied asleep with his head on her shoulder.

“Is he okay?” I whispered equally as softly, not wanting to wake Nico up, god knew he deserved some sleep.

Hazel nodded slowly, “Yeah, he’s gonna be fine, he’s just tired, after everything,” she turned to frown at her older brother, “today brought up some bad memories for him.”

_ Same, dude. _

“I hope he feels better, I know that sucks.”

Hazel then turned to frown at me, but whatever she could have wanted to say, she didn’t and just smiled again, turning away from me to face the others, who were talking softly among themselves as well. 

Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of Annabeth and Luke who were standing close to the stairs, whispering to each other so low that I couldn’t distinguish a single word or murmur of what they were saying. Still, neither was happy, clearly, since Annabeth went back to her tense composure while Luke just obviously didn’t want to be there, as he stood hunched over with crossed arms, almost holding himself as if he couldn’t stay standing without that guard. My cheeks burned a little, as I felt like I was intruding in a private exchange, so I quickly turned away.

Switching my attention to what Jason was saying - a story of the first time he met Zoe and how she hated his guts -, I was too enthralled to notice the two pairs of footsteps rushing up the stairs or the loud bang of a door, until I saw Annabeth come down the stairs again all alone, with red-rimmed eyes and a fixed jaw.

As she walked past me, I gently grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

“Everything okay with Luke-”

“It’s fine, and it’s none of your damn business.”

She pulled her hand away roughly, shocking me with her words and actions.

_ Ouch. _

I have to admit it hurt, especially when I thought we grew close in the last few hours, but I could see the hurt in her own eyes, beyond the anger. It was clear she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, at least for now, so I dropped the subject, pushing it to the back of my head, not unlike the memories.

The next few hours went by surprisingly fast, as everyone, including Annabeth and Luke - who came down for dinner as per Dr. D’s order -, shared their favorite stories of and with Zoe. It brought a sense of ease and companionship to my heart, which stayed with me for the rest of the day, leaving behind a little more the hurt I’d been carrying the last few days.

The comfort even followed me to sleep, since I actually felt like I could get a decent sleep that night, and I closed my eyes with the hope that I’d rest long and happy.

I should have known better than to be  _ so _ hopeful.

I was awakened in the middle of the night, with the moon shining down on me from the window, the bed across from mine unoccupied, and a figure heading out, closing the door quietly behind them. More asleep than awake I read the time on my phone.

_ 2:58. Huh, it’s just Luke, he must be going to the bathroom. _

I was too tired to even try to find another explanation, because it seemed perfectly logical at the moment, so I went back to sleep.

But it wasn’t at ease anymore, and sleep didn’t come. I was restless, like some part of me knew something was wrong.

I turned in my bed again, staring at the vacant bed, unkempt yet it seemed like no one had been using it much. I hadn’t before, because I thought it would take my sleep away more, but I checked the time again. 

_ 3:34.  _ That was way too much time to spend in the bathroom doing things you’re supposed to do at the bathroom. 

I grew concerned, and I stood up from bed, grabbed my phone and made my way to the bathroom, closing the door behind me as quietly as possible to avoid waking somebody else up. 

The bathroom light was off, which was my first sign that no one was going to be using it, but I still checked, knocking softly before opening the door slowly, only to find myself alone in the bathroom.

_ Carajo, si eres mudo, Percy, you should have checked where Luke was heading right away, not wait this goddamn much.  _

I was wide awake now, growing more worried each second. I spun around on my heel and closed the door, not as softly as my bedroom door but soft enough not to be heard. 

_ Think, think, where could he be?  _

I ran down the hall as fast as I could, thanking whatever higher power existed that I hadn’t bothered putting on shoes, since my bare feet didn’t make any noise as I stepped down on the wooden floor. 

I checked the living room on the second floor, thinking that maybe he just came to watch TV or lie down on a couch, but it was dark and silent, no Luke to be found.

_Could he be a danger to himself? Oh,_ god _, what if he-_ _No, no, don’t think like that, he’s_ got _to be somewhere else._

I rushed down the stairs quietly. Luke wasn’t downstairs either- not in the living room, not in the kitchen, not in the backyard, not in the porch, not in the office, not in the infirmary. He was nowhere to be found. 

My heart was pounding, going a hundred miles an hour, my head coming up with the worst scenarios, my ears ringing loudly as panic rose in my chest. I was tired of the feeling, but I was distraught, and I could feel my breath quicken once more this day - technically it was another day, but still.

I ran back upstairs, out of breath by now, on the brink of yet another panic attack, and was about to check in on Annabeth’s room to check if Luke was with her when something caught my eye.

A door to the left of the living space upstairs was ajar. I hadn’t ever paid much attention to this short hallway, since our bedrooms were on the other side, and only Dr. D and Chiron slept on this side. I knew their bedrooms were on the left side, and I knew there were three doors despite them just being two, but I hadn’t paid much mind to that. I figured it was a guest room of sorts or something.

I felt myself start to breathe more normally, although not completely, as I walked towards the mysterious door. Curiosity consumed me now, cursed be my ADHD, and I anxiously placed my hand on the doorknob and pulled the door open. 

I’m not sure what I was waiting to find, but a set of stairs was definitely not what I was expecting. I mean, I remembered, right then and there, that the house was three stories tall, and I had only seen and been to two of them. Again,  _ cursed _ be my ADHD, but I’d never even thought of the third floor, much less wondered how to get there. 

Stimulated by curiosity and concern the same, I walked up the steps silently and leisurely, almost choking on the dread that threatened to overwhelm me. 

I actually choked on a breath - if that’s even possible - when I reached the top of the stairs. I was standing in an attic, dark and filthy, as several medical and random items lied sprawled all around the room messily. Boxes were also piled up, though I had no idea what was inside them. I could barely see a thing, since the only source of light was a small round window on one of the walls, which acted like a skylight. I let out the breath I’d been holding the past few minutes as my eyes landed on the figure sitting down directly under the window, staring out of it at the sky.

“Luke,” I exhaled heavily, feeling the anxiety that encased me fade a little, “what are you  _ doing _ up here?”

Apparently, he hadn’t heard me as I came up the stairs, because he jumped, and turned to look at me with wide startled eyes. His own breath hitched, and he visibly panicked, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Hey, hey it’s okay,” I held my hands up in an impulse to appear as non-threatening as possible, as an urge to calm him down and comfort me rose inside me, “I was just worried about you, I didn’t know where you were.”

I approached him slowly, and he never took his eyes off me, until I was by his side and sat down next to him keeping a small distance between us, and he turned to look at the ground, breathing shakily. I looked out the window, to see the dark night sky adorned with glowing stars that brought the view to life, but made me hurt at the same time. I went back to stare at Luke and I felt my pain double. I couldn’t see it before, but his cheeks glistened as tears made their way down his face.

“Oh, Luke, I-” I faltered, not knowing what to say but knowing full well that nothing I said would make things better, “I’m so,  _ so sorry _ .”

I thought I was done crying, but I felt my eyes sting once more and my lip tremble with how much force I was biting down on it to stop myself from crying. 

_ I am done with crying… for now _ .

Luke choked on a sob, and he turned his face away from mine, most likely embarrassed that I found him like this. I felt guilty for a moment, but then that urge to comfort him came back full force, and I moved to sit right in front of him. I wasn’t the best at comforting people, but I wasn’t going to let Luke keep fighting this on his own and bottling things up. 

“It’s okay,  _ it’s okay _ ,” I gently reached to grab one of his hands, feeling tears prick my eyes, “you can cry, you can scream, you can sob - you don’t have to keep it all inside, you don’t have to keep it together, you don’t have to hide, it’s okay, it doesn’t make you weak to mourn someone you love.”

I could feel tears streaming down my face by then, but I didn’t care about them, my focus was on Luke, who looked up to me for a second with pain-filled eyes, before he let out a sob and he just crumbled. He would have fallen forward if I hadn’t been there to catch him, and even then, he fell with such force that I almost fell with him, caught off guard. 

“It’s okay, let it out,” I enveloped his shaking form in a hug, “I’m right here, I’ve got you, you’re not alone.”

And that he did. We both did really. I just held him in my arms strongly, whispering soft words of comfort as he cried what he’d been holding on to on his own, sobbing and hiccuping so heavily that my own throat hurt. Much like with Annabeth, we simply sat there as I lost track of time once more. 

I stopped my light crying much earlier than Luke did, but I didn’t mind. The only thing that mattered right then and there was the comfort of each other’s company. 

By the time his sobbings became only soft sniffs and hiccups, the sky was becoming lighter, but I didn’t bother checking the time or speaking up, still giving Luke all the time he needed. He pushed out of my embrace, and my arms fell numbly to my sides, but he still pressed his head to my shoulder awkwardly since I was shorter than him, keen on avoiding having to look up.

“I didn’t tell her goodbye,” he whispered hoarsely after a while, “I didn’t tell her I love her, I didn’t say anything, the last thing I told her was that she had to make it, all I did was put a weight on her shoulders, I made her feel worse because of my own selfishness.”

I stayed silent, thinking my words carefully, and thinking back to the last conversation I had with Zoe. 

“She knew you loved her,” I whispered tenderly, “she knew you would only hope for the best when she was expecting the worst. She wasn’t upset that that was your last conversation, she was upset that you would be hurt if she didn’t make it, because she knew that out of all of us, you’re the one who would be hit the hardest, because she knew you would feel like this… but she loved you so much, even when she wasn’t counting on making it, all she cared about was how much you’d be hurt, and she felt horrible for putting you through that pain - all she wanted was for you to be happy, even if she didn’t make it.”

“She wanted us to be happy even if she didn’t make it?” he chuckled, but I could hear that he was crying, “That little asshole, she was too selfless for her own good.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle too, despite my own stuffy nose “Yeah, that’s literally what she said, that she didn’t want us to be sad for too long if something went sideways because she would be going happy, because she got to see the stars one last time.”

“She and her damn stars,” he muttered softly, finally looking up through the skylight, “knowing her, she found a way to join the stars or something.”

“Yeah, you can bet on that, she said it herself, she’s never leaving the sky, even if we can’t see her… she’s just up there, looking after us, after  _ you _ .”

“If that’s the case then she’s the brightest damn star, because no one could shine like her.”

Luke had stopped crying at last, and he looked much lighter than before, as he eyed the sky with a small glint of hope. I couldn’t help but smile at his more comfortable stance. 

“No one will ever shine like her, the sky is lucky to have her running across it,” I turned towards the window, moving to sit by Luke’s side, “she’s watching down on us now, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less, and that’s okay, it’s valid to cry and mourn, we loved her,  _ you _ loved her. You have every right to miss her, just- don’t try to deal with it on your own, that’s why we’re here, to have each other’s backs… we’re all here for you,  _ I’m  _ here for you, and I always will be.”

He looked at me, and he didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. I could see it in his eyes, a message clear as water,  _ Thank you _ . 

The sky was becoming brighter. We looked up to see the rising sun, and I heard Luke whisper next to me as the fading stars could barely be seen, “Thanks for making the stars shine this brightly tonight, Zoe, I’ll see you again, but for now… goodbye, I’ll miss you.”


	8. Promise of a Better Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, this took a bit longer than anticipated, cause I hit a bit of a writer's block, but it's here now!   
> So this one is much lighter than the last couple of chapters, it's more comfort rather than hurt, and like the title says, it's about a promise of a better tomorrow, and it's all kinda related to starting a new day and getting the chance to start again, or to keep going. Idk how to explain it, but the concept means a lot to me, especially relating it to Truce, the song of the chapter.   
> I hope you enjoy this, and if you do, please leave kudos and a comment, I appreciate them very dearly :)  
> OH and a reminder, if you go outside, wear a mask please, and properly, let it cover your nose and mouth, don't touch it, and avoid touching surfaces too. Another thing, please support black owned businesses and local businesses rather than big corporations. And lastly, for some reason I hadn't said it here, and it's kinda stupid cause this is only a fanfic few people read, but Black Lives Matter here, this is a safe place, and you are supported and respected here. If you have a problem with that, stop reading this story you racist ass.   
> That's all! On to the chapter!

"Now the night is coming to an end

The sun will rise and we will try again" 

twenty one pilots,  _ Truce _

**Chapter 8: Promise of a Better Tomorrow**

It became easier to breathe and sleep every night since we stayed up with Luke, and the day after, and the day after.

That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt or that it was easy to breathe fine, but the weight was being lifted a little more and more as time went by. Laughing didn’t seem as ridiculous, the silence no longer was deafening, and I didn’t feel so much like I was drowning, overtaken by the relentless riptide.

Luke and I were close to begin with, but we grew closer in those few days. Our bond had become stronger, and I didn’t know about him, but I felt like I could trust him with everything - well  _ almost _ everything - and he would have my back without a doubt. 

We still had some tear-filled nights, when we barely slept at all. In fact, we weren’t getting much sleep these days, but that was okay. One night we would just stay up talking, about nothing and everything, about Zoe, not about Zoe. The other we just sat in silence, just enjoying the presence of someone else who cared. The other we huddled close - which would speed up my heart and make my stomach do flips, but I refused to let the feelings rise, because dammit I couldn’t just ruin shit - just craving the warmth in a cold world.

Things with Annabeth were alright, she didn’t want to talk about that afternoon, even though I thought it would serve us some good to keep talking, because I may have someone else to trust to be vulnerable with, but she didn’t. I just worried she would bottle everything up until she blew up because it was too much, but she refused to talk again. I just frowned sadly, and slightly disappointed, thinking we could become closer, but I wasn’t sure anymore.

In a few days, things were getting better. It could be seen in the faces of everyone. Nico wasn’t looking nearly as pale, or with too dark circles under his eyes, or with dull and sad eyes. He was more lively, but maybe not quite on ‘happy’ yet. 

Zoe had been right, it seemed. The ones who went to the hospital and saw her last moments were the ones who took it the hardest. It didn’t mean that the others were fine, the others were hurt by her death too, but they managed to cope with her loss faster and maybe a bit more healthily. They didn’t carry as much guilt or hear Artemis’s raw cries or feel like they hadn’t done enough. But they understood, they were there for us, and that was enough.

Time didn’t use to mean much to me before, but I soon found out it didn’t care for mourning, it never stopped, and it brought change.

Just a few days after what Luke and I called our ‘Starry Night’, Dr. D and Chiron exited the office and approached us at the dining table during breakfast with nervous expressions, immediately setting some of us on edge. They sat down silently, as I watched them warily, out of the corner of my eye trying to calm my nerves.

_ What could be so bad that they look nervous? What could have happened? Could it be something worse than Zoe dying- _

At last, Chiron spoke up.

“So, we just got off the phone with some doctors in Florida and in Manhattan about this case of a young lady who would fit in just fine here,” he said with a nervous smile, fidgeting with the fork set in front of him.

I held my breath as all conversations quieted down. I just stared in apprehension at everyone, my eyes darting from Dr. D to Annabeth to Chiron to Nico to Hazel to Jason. 

I was expecting sadness, the feeling of drowning and overwhelming waves of emotion, maybe a little anger, what with Zoe’s death still so fresh, and a new girl was possibly coming to stay with us. I expected tears to come back, hopeless and heartbroken looks to reappear, but instead, every face I looked, I could only see sympathy, perhaps under a little longing. 

I felt pretty conflicted myself. For one part, I felt a spark of that pain that followed me, just to think about how she was coming so soon after one of my favorite person’s death, and I couldn’t help but thinking that she was coming to take Zoe’s place. I mentally slapped myself for thinking that. It wasn’t this girl’s fault that Zoe had died just a couple days ago, and it wasn’t fair on anyone to be feeling a little resentful. Zoe would have welcomed her with open arms.

At that thought, I was filled with regret, but it brought warmth to my heart. It filled me with the desire to just welcome this girl into the house like I was welcomed, show her around and be understood like the others showed me around and understood me. I just wanted to be what the others were for me, give back what was given to me. 

I felt a clammy hand reach for my own hand under the table, and a jolt traveled through my body like electricity. I didn’t need to look up to know that it was Luke, needing something to keep his feelings at check, something to anchor himself so that he wasn’t carried away by the waves that threatened to bring him under the surface. I understood the feeling. I held his hand as tightly as he was trying to, ignoring the flutter in my chest and the blush threatening to light up my cheeks. 

It was a small and subtle gesture, hidden from the eyes of everyone else at the table, but it made my thoughts quiet and my heart slow down, no doubt having the same effect on him - though the reason why I would never be able to have an answer to, which was slightly depressing.

I looked up and locked eyes with Annabeth, who was sitting across from me. She was taking deep breaths, but once our eyes locked, she let out a deep breath, and her mouth formed a gentle smile. She moved on from me rather quickly, staring at Luke now, who was staring at Chiron with shining eyes. 

Averting his gaze, he caught Annabeth’s eyes, and their eyes glinted in understanding. The rest of us held our breaths anxiously, and I squeezed the hand in mine in reassurance, trying to get anything out of Luke since there was no way to do so with anyone else quite so subtly. 

Finally, he exhaled, like he was letting everything out in a single breath, and he let go of my hand.

“It would be really nice to see a new face around here, like a fresh start if you think about it.”

It was like the house itself had exhaled, as the atmosphere immediately brightened up, a few nervous laughters here and there, and the tension disappeared completely. 

“It would be a nice change, wouldn’t it?” Jason said softly from the other end of the table, as he laughed and reached for Piper’s hand. I felt a twinge of jealousy at his ability to do so so openly, but I pushed it back, shaking my head.

“What’s her name?” Nico asked tenderly, “She’s coming soon?”

Chiron and Dr. D looked beyond relieved, as the nervous looks dropped off their faces. Chiron was grinning from ear to ear, and Dr. D was chuckling under his breath.

“Reyna,” Dr. D said, a disbelieving yet proud smile on his face, “her name’s Reyna, and if all goes according to plan, she’s going to be coming tomorrow.” 

The hype didn’t die down, nor did it become less genuine. Everyone seemed to really be looking forward to meeting someone new and welcoming them to our home, even if our loss was still fresh. It brought a wave of enthusiasm around the place, which now seemed kind of rude, because having to welcome someone here meant that yet another teen was unfairly facing a difficult disease, but we were all too eager to think about that.

At the prospect of someone else coming here and experiencing everyone’s reactions, I couldn’t help but wonder how they had reacted at the news of me coming, and if they had been this ‘excited’ to meet a new face. I had never thought about how people felt when I came, I always figured they were fine with someone new because they were always so welcoming. 

_ What about people who’ve been here and left? Has someone else died? _

The thought came out of nowhere, but it stayed by me for the rest of the day. I certainly hadn’t heard any other names, except maybe someone’s friend or relative, but how many times anyone has ever mentioned someone else had they been talking about someone who used to live here?

Questions and doubts continued to round my head, but I felt like there was no way in hell I was going to so openly ask everyone about it without ruining everyone else’s mood or making everything awkward as fuck. 

So I let the day go by, mostly lost inside my own head, my brain hyperfixated on trying to give an answer to my questions, trying to find explanations and clear my doubts. I didn’t participate in trying to make sure everything was perfect for Reyna the next day, I couldn’t bring myself to prioritize that. 

I felt the others’ stares throughout the afternoon, mostly confused and slightly concerned, but I just couldn’t take my mind off my uncertainties. At one point Piper approached me, trying to act as casual as possible, but I could see the glances she and Annabeth were shooting each other.

“Hey, Percy,” she said with poorly disguised worry if you were expecting it, “how ‘you doing? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Ah, I’m alright, don’t worry,” I shook my head offhandedly, “just got a lot in my mind, I guess.”

“Oh, well, in that case, you wanna talk about it? It wouldn’t hurt to get everything you’ve got locked up up there,” she smiled warmly, voice so smooth it actually seemed tempting to just ask then and there, clear my mind and keep going normally, but I knew my friends good enough to know this was not going to be confidential or as private as I’d want it to.

I also knew them good enough to realize they wouldn’t stop persisting.

“Nah, I mean it Pipes, don’t worry, I’m gonna be alright tomorrow morning just in time for Reyna to arrive,” I sighed softly, “if I still got stuff on my mind tomorrow I’m gonna look for you and we can talk then alright?”

I could tell she wasn’t satisfied with my answer, but before she could say anything else, I spoke up again, more softly this time. “Please, just let it go right now, I promise I will come to you if I need to.” 

She was reluctant, but at the tone of my voice, so full of pleading, she nodded and let it go, no doubt moving to tell Annabeth that I didn’t feel like talking, which earned me concerned looks from the girls for the rest of the day. 

Not feeling in the right state of mind, I called it an early night and went up to my room right after quickly finishing my dinner. Dr. D and Chiron exchanged concerned looks of their own, but didn’t bother me about anything and let me go upstairs.

I didn’t know how long I lied in my bed just staring at the ceiling, thoughts going hundreds miles an hour inside my head. I didn’t know what got me so worked up, but my brain wouldn’t shut up, even if I tried my best to shut it down. My thoughts didn’t even make much sense, but they just  _ wouldn’t stop _ . 

It was becoming too much.

In desperation, I sat up clutching my head tightly, covering my ears as if that would help me not think anything anymore. 

_ Who lived here? Why don’t the others talk about past kids? Have there not been past kids? Did someone else sleep in this same bed? Did they get better and leave? Did they die? Am I sitting down in a bed of someone who’s died? Will I follow in their footsteps? _

My ears were ringing, and the sound of sirens that I had pushed back and back wailed too loud. Someone was crying. The cries were too loud. Someone was sobbing. Someone was screaming.  _ Why is it too loud? _

I couldn’t take it anymore. I hit my temple with the palm of my hand once.

_ Why does this bother me so much?! Why can’t it shut up at last?! JUST SHUT UP! _

I hit my temple again, absentmindedly, and again, and I was too wrapped up in my own mind, about to do it again when I felt a pair of hands tightly hold back mine. Startled, I looked up, in a daze, but my blurry vision wouldn’t let me see anything. The ringing in my ears hadn’t stopped, I couldn’t hear anything even if I tried to. I felt like I was underwater, the now-common sensation, of being dragged beneath the tide, so close to drowning. 

I felt my hand being guided to a chest, rising and falling in perfect rhythm, which sent a flutter to my heart, as it attempted to beat to the same rhythm as the one in my hand. My lungs yearned to fall in the perfect rhythm, so I forced myself to follow what my palm was feeling, pushing with all my might towards the surface, until I was able to take a deep breath without feeling like my lungs were going to fill with water. 

I had closed my eyes at one point, and the ringing had finally stopped, so I could hear the pants and sniffs that flooded the room.  _ My  _ pants and sniffs. 

I slowly opened my eyes, scared and ashamed, and was met with those light, icy blue eyes that made my heart fall out of rhythm again, but not in erratic panic like before. 

Luke’s eyes sparkled with worry, face emitting agitation, as he knelt in front of me, watching me closely, his gaze too analyzing for my comfort, making me look away apprehensively, as I grew self conscious of what just happened and the embarrassment overtook me. 

I twisted my hands together, staring down at them, refusing to look up at Luke’s burning gaze. The silence was becoming overwhelming, and I needed something to break away from the tension, so I started to pick at my palm, not so hard to leave a mark or draw blood, but hard enough to feel it and let it distract me.

“Hey, stop that,” Luke whispered gently, catching sight of my hands and hovering over them as I stopped, “don’t hurt yourself like that, why would you do that?”

_ It’s not like this is the worst I’ve done. _

I decided not to say that out loud, figuring it wouldn’t help my case, and just shrugged. 

I could practically  _ feel  _ Luke holding his breath, but I wasn’t sure why.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, and I realized my hands were trembling slightly, “Annabeth and Piper said you were acting strange earlier.”

Well, at least that brought a small huff of laughter out of me, but it was too far from genuine, and it sounded almost choked.

“I told her I just have a lot in my mind.”

“Then why didn’t you tell her what’s on your mind? Why don’t you tell  _ me _ ?”

_ Because I don’t want to be a bother.  _

I stayed silent.

“You know,” he started nervously, “you can cry, you can sob, you can scream - you don’t have to keep it all inside, you don’t have to keep it together, you don’t have to hide, you - you can let it out, I’ve got you… you’re not alone.”

I let out a breath I was holding, and genuine joy shaped a smile on my face, small as it was.

“I can’t believe you remember those words,” I said, “I thought you were too distracted to really catch on to what I was saying.”

“Of course I remember,” he said indignantly, before lowering his voice, “you cleared my head after days of fog, I remember your words clearly.”

I couldn’t help but blushing, thankful that my head was still facing downwards.

“You really aren’t going to talk about what’s bothering you?” he mumbled sadly, making me look back up.

His eyes were still glinting with worry, but I could see the hope that I would talk to him written on his face, surprising me. It was him that said he didn’t like hoping after all, because it often led to being let down. Now here he was, opening up to me, hoping not to be let down once more. 

How could I crush his hopes then, and continue to lead him to believe that hope was not worth it? 

So I opened up to him too. I sighed softly, but it didn’t hold sadness, nerves or resentment, nor relief, it was more like the breath that covered the hole in the dam, that held all my thoughts back. They were leaking through the hole now.

And I told him about my doubts, and about my insecurities, and about the unanswered questions that had been bothering me, even about  _ some _ of the images and memories in my head that had been following me around for weeks now. 

And he just sat next to me, listening intently, as if there was nothing else in the world that he could be doing, making my insides warm up, because I was important at that moment, I mattered and my thoughts were worth listening to.

I wasn’t so alone anymore.

I was out of breath by the time I finished, but I felt beyond relieved, floating above the waves of the sea rather than below them. I felt lighter, without so much weight dragging me down.

Luke just studied me as I took deep breaths and stared at the wall in front of us, I could sense his eyes.

I could tell he wasn’t exactly too sure what to respond, and he looked deep in thought when I turned to him. 

“Sorry I dropped all that on you,” I muttered quickly, “I knew I should just keep it to myself, dammit, I - just don’t worry about it, or me, or anything, thanks for listening, you don’t have to-”

“Hey, hey, it’s fine, you have nothing to apologize for,” he said softly, “I asked how you were because I cared, and because I wanted to help somehow, not just because I felt like I had to, I’m just- trying to find the right words…”

I didn’t say anything, sitting in silence, nervously picking at my hands once more, and Luke didn’t stop me this time, lost in thought for a few minutes.

“I’m not sure what to say- not because I don’t find anything to say, but because I’m not sure what you want to hear, and I don’t know how much you want me to talk about everything?”

He phrased it like a question, and he was asking something, but I wasn’t sure of the answer myself, so I just shrugged hopelessly in return. 

“Alright so, you asked about kids who’ve been here before,” he sighed deeply, “the truth is most of us don’t really feel like we gotta talk about it, because if they’ve left it’s either ‘cause they got better or, well… they died, so it’s kinda a touchy subject.

“I- I’ve been here for a few years already, this place is my home, and every single kid who has stayed here is part of my family, at least for me y’know, I try to care about every single one of them since I’ve been here… I’ve met tons of kids, most have moved out, like Gwen and Alabaster, but a few have passed… We’ve lost Michael, Lee, Ethan, Dakota… and now Zoe… I guess it’s not just something we talk much about, ‘cause it’s family that we’ve lost, and the few cases of kids that have gotten better, well, I guess we forget to see the light in the dark sometimes.”

“ _ I’m so sorry _ ,” I croaked on the verge of tears, as remorse settled in the pit of my stomach, “I’m sorry I made you talk about this, I- I didn’t mean to upset you or bring back bad memories- I should have just stayed quiet-”

“It’s okay Percy,” I turned, and found him smiling sadly at me, “I’ve had time to process their departure, and to mature, I guess, and yeah I miss them, but it doesn’t hurt too much anymore.”

“I wish I could have met them, I bet they were all wonderful, they must have made an amazing family.”

“Well, I’ve got a pretty great family right now too, don’t you think? And I’ve also got you now, right? I wouldn’t want to change it,” he got up from the bed and went to stand in front of the window, looking wistfully at the sky, “but they were all amazing indeed, they were wonderful people, some still are, of course.”

My heart skipped a beat, but I refused to let any of  _ those  _ feelings even attempt to surface at that moment. It wasn’t the time.

“I’m scared of joining them,” I whispered so softly, I wasn’t sure Luke was going to hear me, but he turned to look at me, eyebrows creasing in confusion, “the ones you’ve all lost, just to become a memory, maybe a dream of what could have been.”

Luke rushed back to me, kneeling in front of me again as my eyes filled with tears. 

“You’re not dying on me, Jackson,” his face turned serious, angry almost, “I’m not letting you die, as long as I’m here to prevent it, I’ll fight you before you get any chance to come close to dying.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle softly, but tears still spilled out of my eyes, “You know my odds are low, Luke, you’re the only one who knows how close I really am-”

“Yeah well I mean it that I won’t let you,” he was smiling, and his words were said in a joking tone, but I could tell the earnest truth behind them, “My odds are low too but you don’t hear me saying that nonsense, I truly mean that you’re not dying if I’m here, you keep fighting as long as I’m here with you.” 

I sat there sniffing quietly, a little too emotional to reply something cohesively without bursting into loud tears, and I really didn’t want that. 

“Thank you,” I could hear the exhaustion in my own voice, but there was authentic appreciation in there, “on one condition though, you don’t get to die on me either.”

It was Luke’s turn to chuckle, and he did so with more freedom that I ever could, “I’ll genuinely try my best, Jackson.”

The weariness was weighing down on my shoulders now, and I let out a long yawn, causing Luke to chuckle harder.

“You must be really tired after everything, hell, if I know how tiring your own brain can be, but I don’t know if you want to keep talking?”

I really wanted to. Talking with Luke was so liberating. I didn’t have to pretend or keep up the walls. I could honestly just break down and he’d be there. But I could see that he was tired as well, with bags starting to form under his sluggish eyes. I couldn’t keep on bothering him.

“I’m actually worn out,” I mumbled softly, “you must be tired too, so it’s fine if we just call it a night.”

He nodded, and as much as he tried to conceal it, relief showed in his features. 

_ He was willing to keep going even as tired as he is. _

I felt myself blushing again. Damn my emotions and everything that made me feel the way I did. 

_ There’s no time for that idiot. _

We both got ready for sleep in no time, and soon, each was in their own bed. It looked like he was ready to doze off any second now, so I spoke before I lost my chance.

“Thank you, Luke,” I whispered gently, “I really appreciate everything, just you listening, us talking, it really helps a lot- it means a lot to me.”

“It really is nothing, Perce,” he smiled ever so softly, “you know I’m always gonna be here, no matter what, and we can keep talking another day, about those images you said.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about that, they don’t matter too much.”

“They matter enough.”

I sighed, “Thank you, and Luke?” He hummed at me, “Y’know I’m always here for you too, right?”

“Of course I do,” he grinned cockily, but it held humor rather than actual cockiness, “and Percy? You mean a lot to us, to me, you’re important in our family… and just so you know, we were looking forward to meeting you as much as we are for Reyna right now, we were just as excited, we liked you before we even met you, you mattered to us before we met you.”

I feel like no words could tell how much that meant to me. It might seem like nothing to many, but to me, it was like the first step to gluing myself together, picking up the broken pieces of my self worth, torn down by my insecurities, and getting ready to build it up again. It wasn’t much, but it was everything at the same time.

I just smiled at him, making sure my gratitude shone through my tears, and he grinned back, closing his eyes and turning to face the wall.

I did the same, and fell asleep to the feeling of being someone important for the first time in years. 

I wish I could say the same about my sleep, which was incredibly restless as I spent the night unable to really fall into deep sleep. I kept waking up not long after closing my eyes, and I tossed and turned unable to find peace of mind. 

Even if I wanted to, things didn’t leave my mind as easily as I’d expected. I wasn’t plagued by anxious thoughts and on the verge of a breakdown, but it was enough that I couldn’t reach the calm state to fall asleep. 

Even if I couldn’t rest well, I was feeling a little happy, and even thrilled at the idea of having someone else come here- even if once again I had to remind myself it wasn’t a good thing that someone was ill enough to have to stay. 

Still when I woke up the next day, I was more than ready to excitedly meet Reyna. She would be arriving soon, and my lack of sleep wasn’t going to stop me from being nice and welcoming.

I was channeling everyone else when I’d come for the first time, but looking around the downstairs living room, where we’d all settled to wait, I felt a sharp sting as I found myself staring at the spot Zoe would usually sit. 

It hurt, there was no denying it, but I couldn’t dwell much of it if I didn’t want to fall apart crying again. I just couldn’t help but picture her trying to appear all cold and strong at first only to find in a few weeks that she’s one of the warmest and kindest persons in the world.

_ Was.  _

I jumped as a hand settled on my shoulder, and I turned to find Nico’s bittersweet dark eyes. 

“I miss her too, I can just about picture her trying to be all serious when she’s just dying to laugh at our stupidity.”

“Oh man,” I laughed loudly, “I can actually remember how hard she was trying to hide her smile when I first came here, I was so awkward while Hazel was just being a sweetheart, she was totally laughing at me just embarrassing myself.”

“She really was,” Annabeth broke in, laughing herself, “please don’t take this badly, but you looked so uncomfortable, it was taking all of her willpower not to burst out wheezing.”

“For real, don’t take that the wrong way though,” Piper said, smiling broadly, “you got to see the real her from the first day, you being so incredibly you got her to put down that facade of hers and almost laugh at you, that was a big fucking accomplishment.”

“Language!” Dr. D shouted all the way from the office.

“Sorry!” Piper yelled back, but she definitely didn’t look sorry.

“But really though,” Hazel said, “she’d be so excited to meet Reyna, she had a soft spot for us girls.”

“We gotta be excited for her,” Jason said softly, “that’s what she’d want.”

The mood was a little sad, but we had newfound motivation to be as welcoming and cheerful as possible. 

We were interrupted by the doorbell, and we all immediately jerked up, waiting to see our new housemate - the new family member. 

Leo practically ran to the door, ignoring Dr. D screaming “Valdez! Stop it!” after him. We held our breath in anticipation as we heard Leo open the door anyway, knowing we’d meet Reyna anytime soon now.

Instead we heard only his plain voice, lowkey disappointed, “Oh, it’s just you.”

“Gee, thanks Leo, really feeling welcome today,” came the familiar voice of a girl from the door, which still brought excitement to the room.

“Thalia!” Annabeth exclaimed in delight, rushing to the door. The three of them walked to the living room, where we all greeted Thalia too.

“You guys forgot to close the door behind you-”

“Oh no, Artemis was coming right behind me,” Thalia said nonchalantly. 

“Artemis?” I did a double take, “Artemis as in Zoe’s mom?”

“Well, duh, who else would I be talking about?” she plopped down next to Luke on the couch, leaning against his side as her legs dangled from the arm of the couch, “Your brain made of seaweed or something?”

“Oh, please,” I rolled my eyes, laughing and blushing softly. We heard the faint shut of the door and Dr. D and Chiron greet someone, obviously Artemis, “why are you with her anyway?”

“Well, I went to visit Zoe’s grave yesterday, and I ran into her, and we talked for a while, it was nice actually, and she said she wanted to come see how you guys were doing, and I offered to come with her.”

“Aw that’s nice,” Hazel said, “she seems like a nice lady.”

“Oh, totally,” Thalia said with wide eyes, “she’s actually pretty cool, kinda like the mom I never had, very encouraging.”

“You can tell she’s cool with how Zoe turned out, it makes sense.”

“Anyway, what’s got all of you guys down here together?” Thalia asked, “You ready for a special ocassion or what?”

“Yeah!” Piper was looking down the corridor expectantly, “We have a new girl coming today! Her name’s Reyna, and she’s supposed to come any moment.”

“Really?” Thalia seemed taken aback, “So soon after Zoe-?”

“Hey, guys, guess who surprised us today?” Chiron interrupted her, by his side the lovely auburn-haired woman whose cries still haunted my dreams, “Artemis wanted to come see how you were doing.”

Artemis greeted us, smiling softly, despite the grief written in her face. 

“Hey guys,” she moved closer to where we sat, but otherwise remained standing, “Sorry to come unannounced, I just heard someone’s coming today.”

“It’s nice to see you again, erm…”

“Just call me Artemis.”

“Well, it’s nice to see you again, Artemis,” Annabeth mumbled awkwardly, and I could almost hear Zoe giggling next to me.

It hurt, and it made me want to cry in a very nostalgic feeling, but I knew very well that Zoe would be happy right now. Happy to see Artemis, us, supporting each other and finding ways to move on. Oh, she would beat the hell out of us if she found us forever moping about her death.

For a while, we just talked about how life had been, what we’ve been up to, what our plans were. The conversation was mostly Artemis and Thalia really, because they could talk about the future with little to no concern about not really having a future. Dr. D and Chiron also made chat with Artemis, telling her about their plans for us.

“You’re more than welcome to join us on Thanksgiving too,” Chiron said, “I know it’s later this month, but you and the girls have a place here whenever you need it.”

“Thank you, Chiron, I really appreciate it, I’ll have a chat with my brother about it, we usually spend the day with our mother, but I’ll think about it.” Artemis was blushing softly, maybe in modesty, and she was smiling softly. “I also wanted to extend the offer, that if you ever want to come visit White Plains, I’d be more than happy to show you around some places, Zoe used to love visiting the lake preserves, I thought you’d like to see some of them…”

“We’d be more than happy to visit sometime,” Dr. D said, giving her a pained smile before turning to us, “wouldn’t you guys?”

Different responses of ‘yeah’s and ‘of course’s were heard, and Artemis looked happier than I’d seen her since the time I first met her and Zoe started feeling better. The thought of visiting the places she’d love felt warm, even if I expected coldness. I really hoped we’d get to go visit any of the places.

Our conversation was suddenly interrupted by yet another ring of the bell, and our bittersweet mood faded, replaced by excitement as it most likely meant Reyna’s arrival.

Dr. D got out of his seat in a hurry, and made his way to the door, Chiron closely behind on his wheelchair. We sat expectantly, and my own knee was bouncing up and down. I could feel Nico almost vibrating next to me. 

The door was opened, and we all held our breath. I couldn’t help but smile at us. We were mostly doomed kids, going through a really tough moment, and not the most mentally stable, but here we were leaving the gloomy yesterdays behind and looking forward to a little more sunny days.

“Hello, you must be Hylla and Reyna, right?” Chiron was speaking gently, and two young female voices answered him, “Great, then please come inside, and welcome to Delphi House.”

“Thank you,” one of them said, and soon we were met with a pair of young girls. The oldest couldn’t have been older than 22 and the youngest probably 18. 

It was obvious they were sisters, because they looked very much alike. They both had dark hair and dark, sharp eyes, but the oldest (and tallest) of the two wore her hair down while the youngest wore hers in a braid. They were both crazy beautiful, but not unlike Annabeth on first impression, they radiated ‘don’t mess with me’ vibes.

Speaking of Annabeth, who was sitting next to me on a chair, sucked in a sharp breath, and I turned to her to find her eyeing the youngest girl curiously. I nudged her with my hand, and gave her a questioning look, but she only dismissed me and continued to look at the girl as if she was analyzing her. Knowing that once Annabeth had something in her mind, I couldn’t do anything about it, I just dropped the subject.

“It’s really nice to have you two here. I'm Dr. Dionysus, and this is Dr. Brunner, but you can call us Dr. D and Chiron, that’s what the rest call us,” he cleared his throat, “anyway, Reyna, meet everyone, Hylla, if you don’t mind, we can talk a little more in the office this way, while Reyna gets to know the others.”

“Of course, yeah,” the oldest, Hylla, said following both doctors into the main office.

Reyna stood there, much less awkwardly than I ever did, but with the same hesitation. 

Thankfully, Piper stood up and walked over to her, just like she’d volunteered to do since yesterday.

“Hi! I’m Piper, it’s really nice to meet you Reyna, though we kinda wish we didn’t have to meet under these circumstances.” Even if I’m facing her back, I can hear the smile in Piper’s face, her voice sweet like honey.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet all of you too, I guess?” 

_ There it is. I’m not the only person who’s awkward as fuck when meeting everyone.  _

“Well, why don’t you come sit down and meet everyone else-?”

“See Jason, that’s a much better way to say it than ‘come meet the gang’!”

“What’s that gotta do with anything right now? Sorry I couldn’t come up with anything better at the moment!”

Reyna was restraining her smile, and that single action immediately made me like her already.

“Jesus, just ignore them, I’m Hazel, it’s nice to have you here,” she said with her signature warm and caring smile. 

“Right ignore those two, especially Leo - he’s the short one -, neither can be figured out by normal methods,” Annabeth said, breaking out of her staring thing, “I’m Annabeth, by the way, the blond idiot who knows better is Jason, these are Luke, Percy, Nico, and that’s Artemis and Thalia, they are… They’re visiting today.”

“Oh, nice to meet you all, you know already, but my name’s Reyna Avila Ramíres Arellano, but if one of you calls me by my full name, you’re gonna wish you didn’t.” She stared at us gravely, as if trying to be dared by someone, but we were used to everything.

“Of course, I mean, we can just call you Reyna-”

“Wait, did you say Ramírez Arellano?” Leo asked, eyes wide, excitement shining in his eyes.

Taken aback, Reyna stared at him in confusion. “Uh, yeah, that’s what I said, that’s my name.”

“¿ _ Entonces eres Latina _ ?”

“Yep,  _ de Puerto Rico,  _ why the question-”

“Aw, sweet!  _ Ya somos tres, ya hasta podemos hacer nuestro club de latinos acá, _ ” Leo was beyond ecstatic to have another Latinx person, _ “Yo soy de México y Percy es peruano-” _

“¡ _Parte peruano_!” I exclaimed, interrupting Leo, “ _Mi ma es de Perú, yo no nací ni crecí allá, pero aún así, me crié con algunas tradiciones peruanas,_ and to be honest _, con varias culturas latinas.”_

“God, I love how we can just find so many Latinx people everywhere, it makes it feel less like I’m far away from home.”

“Well, we’re pretty much from all over the place here,” I continued, “some of these guys come from Cali, Hazel is from New Orleans and Nico is Italian, so we get the missing home part.”

“Talking about being far from home, what brings you here?” Thalia asked bluntly, “Don’t take me as insensitive, just you know, curious as to why you came here, that’s all. I’m really just a nosy visitor here, like Annie said.”

“Thalia, how many times have I got to tell you not to call me Annie-”

“Yeah, whatever, sorry,” Thalia winked at Annabeth, who glared at her in return.

“Chill, it doesn’t bother me at all, I- oh yeah, I’ve got scoliosis, you know, my spine is messed up and it’s not in the angle it should be, plus it’s more curved, and it’s messing with my lungs, so we moved here to the US with my sister to find better care, and we heard of this place, which is amazing by the way, ‘cause even if my sister loves me, she can’t be taking care of me 24/7, so we decided it was the best.”

“Aw, that sucks, sorry to hear that,” Jason muttered, “It has nothing to do with anything important, but I really thought she was your girlfriend not your sister.”

“ _ Girlfriend _ ?!” Reyna almost choked on her own saliva, and simultaneously started laughing harder than we’d heard in the house the last couple of weeks. “Oh, sweet jesus, that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in years, but no  _ she’s  _ definitely not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, so you do have a girlfriend?” Thalia asked grinning, and making an odd face to someone, but I couldn’t quite place it. 

“I don’t,  _ sadly _ , you have any idea how hard it is to ask girls out, or to ask girls out when you’re mostly in hospitals and don’t go out much ‘cause you can’t?”

“Thankfully no, I’m ace, so I haven’t really thought of asking anyone out lately.”

“Ahh lucky you, being sapphic is hard as fuck.”

“You don’t say, well, I can perfectly-”

“Hey, Reyna,” Hylla had stepped out of the office, “mind coming for a minute?”

“Sure,” Reyna turned to us, “be right back.”

She walked over to the office, and Hylla closed the door behind them. 

“Well, she seems like a very nice girl, doesn't she?” Artemis said, to our surprise, “I’m sure she’s gonna fit right in with you guys, she seems wonderful.”

“Yeah, I think she’s great already,” Luke said, smiling softly, “someone would have loved her.”

“Yes, she would have been very happy to meet her,” Artemis smiled sadly, “but she lives on, and I’m sure she would want all of you to accept Reyna into the little messed up family of yours.”

That got a genuine laugh out of all of us. It sure was a messed up family of us. 

“You got that right, but you’re like, official honorary aunt of this messed up family, and that means a lot, ‘cause we all have honorary titles here,” Jason laughed, and his joy was infectious. 

“Just drop the honorary, at this point,” Hazel giggled from her seat, “We are a true family, not just honorary, at least in my case, you’re my true family.”

“Oh come ‘ere,” Leo reached to hug Hazel tightly, “we are a family, very fucked up, but a family nonetheless.”

“I have no problem having two families,” I said smiling at her warmly, “you’re all family to me, and having a good relationship with my parents doesn’t change that.”

“You guys, this turned too sensitive for me, I swear I’m gonna start crying if you don’t stop-”

Dr. D came out of the office, stopping Luke mid-sentence. “Alright guys, so it’s official, Reyna is gonna be staying with us, she’s all ready to move in, I hope you have no problem with that.”

“No, why would we-”

“Great, ‘cause I couldn’t have done anything to change that, but anyway, about the sleeping arrangements girls, you’re not gonna move, Reyna is gonna share with Annabeth,” Dr. D inhaled sharply, stopping to look at Annabeth, studying her carefully, “is that okay with you?”

“Of course,” Annabeth said softly, and she was blushing slightly, but her face remained imparcial, her intent clearly not to let emotions show, “I’d be glad to.”

“You’re completely sure? You’re not gonna have any problem with it?”

“Yes, I’m sure, I’m fine.”

He continued to stare at her for a few seconds, studying her, but her expression never faltered, so he nodded and looked away, “Alright, so that’s settled then, I’m gonna go see if it’s all done, and bring her here so you she can settle down and all.”

“I think I’m gonna be leaving now,” Artemis said standing up, “I just wanted to check in with you guys, and thank you, for everything, you made my girl very happy, I’m thankful she got to spend her last days with you to brighten her up, she wouldn’t have made it that far without you.”

My eyes were stinging with tears, and a look around the room told me I wasn’t the only one fighting not to cry. But everyone was wearing smiles, sad, nostalgic and thankful all the same. Artemis cleared her throat, obviously close to being overcome by emotions too. 

“Anyway, I think it’s better if I go, you guys can bet I’ll come see you from time to time, just to see how you’re doing, but you’re gonna have your hands full welcoming someone new to your family.” She picked up her stuff, and wiped her eyes discreetly, even if we were all watching her. “Do you want me to give you a ride home, Thalia?”

Thalia’s eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed softly, “Oh, thank you! I- yeah, I’d appreciate that, an Uber back to New York is gonna be rough.”

“Let’s go then,” Artemis smiled, “it was nice to see you again guys, I’ll let Dionysus know we’re leaving. Meet me up front Thalia.”

We waved Artemis goodbye, and Thalia stood up awkwardly, deep in thought.

“Wow, it was true what you said about the mom you never had,” Annabeth said gently, standing up to hug her, “Take care Thals.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

We said our goodbyes, and Thalia’s daze had turned to genuine delight by the time she waved at us and walked out the door. 

Just a few seconds after Chiron, Dr. D, Reyna and Hylla all came out of the office. They remained by the door, as Dr. D opened it and Reyna and Hylla talked quietly, obviously saying some sort of goodbye. I couldn’t hear anything but soft murmurs, so I couldn’t really distinguish any words, and it wasn’t like I wanted to be nosy and hear their probably personal conversation. I was just curious.

In the end, Reyna and Hylla hugged tightly, and Hylla walked out the door toward her own car. Reyna gave her one last wave before we heard an engine roar to life, and the car back out of the driveway, and down the street. 

Reyna and the doctors made their way back toward us in the living room.

“Alright!” Chiron said in enthusiasm, clapping his hands, “Now we’ll leave you to settle down, these guys can show you around and Annabeth will show you where you’ll be staying. If you excuse us, we’ll be taking care of some papers in the office, but we’ll be right out.”

“Please behave, we’ll be right back.”

They got back to the office, and in a motion that felt really familiar, Hazel sprang up from her seat.

“Hey!” she beams, and goes to hug Reyna, who seems surprised at first, but returns the hug smiling though still confused, “It’s official! Welcome to the family!”

Reyna laughs softly, “Thanks, I appreciate that, Hazel, right?”

Hazel nods, but she’s interrupted from further talking by Piper, “Once again, that’s how you do things not so awkwardly boys, you see that Percy?”

“Oh, shut up McLean,” I threw the cushion I was holding at her, but she just caught it with ease. 

“Leave the guy alone,” Luke laughed, then stood up, “why don’t I show you around, then Annabeth can take you upstairs and show you your room.”

“Sure, that would be cool,” Reyna smiled at Annabeth rather than Luke, but they walked outside, Hazel and Piper following close behind.

I looked at Annabeth, who was taking deep breaths with her eyes closed. I placed my hand on her shoulder softly, and she opened her eyes abruptly. 

“It’s okay if you still miss her, no one will tell you anything,” I said, “we’ve got your back.”

“I know, thanks, I know,” she whispered, “I just needed to breathe, but it’s alright, I’m… moving on, I guess… Letting someone else in, that’s a step, but it’s fine, I just needed to breathe.”

“You want me to help you upstairs?”

“No, it’s fine, I got it-” she stopped halfway through, “-yeah, actually, I wouldn’t mind the company.”

I smiled at her, and we both stood up. Step by step, we made our way upstairs. There wasn’t much to do in the room really, Annabeth rarely kept things unorganized. There were only a few papers and boxes on the floor, and a blanket folded neatly not on Annabeth’s bed. In no time, Reyna was being led down the hall by Luke, whose eyes were just as pained. 

We helped Reyna settle in, making small talk, even if Zoe was on our minds.

But it was time to really move on. It was time to let Zoe stay in peace, and welcome a brighter future. It was time that we all found our peace of mind. Step by step, we would manage. 


	9. What's Behind My Skull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, I'm truly sorry I took so long to put this out, and I know my excuses get tiring, but my head was a shithole for a while, and inspiration to do anything useful was nonexistent for a couple of weeks, anyway, I hope this very long chapter makes up for me taking almost a month between updates   
> Also, idk if you've read ToA or not, but I 100% recommend reading Tower of Nero, cause maybe it's not perfect, but it's such a good conclusion to Apollo's journey, and a heartwarming goodbye in a way, even if it hurts to read the end. I'm really happy with how Rick finished this series, and it has nice little nods to the entirety to the pjoverse aka the grecoroman branch of the riordanverse  
> But without further ado, here's chapter 9, I really put my everything in it, cause I wasn't in the best state of mind for most of its writing, but I hope you like it.  
> TW: mild injuries, panic attacks, anxiety, hospitals, vague reference to self harm, blades, mentions of cancer

"Show me how it ends,

Will I still be scared to live?

Show me how it ends,

In the clouds or in the ground?" 

As It Is,  _ The Question, The Answer _

**Chapter 9: What’s Behind My Skull**

The weather was becoming colder everyday, as the temperature started dropping, winter practically around the corner. 

But even though it was becoming colder outside, the home hadn’t felt as warm in weeks. 

Things were starting to feel like they used to be, admittedly with a tinge of sadness, but everyone was getting better. Things were starting to be good again - as good as it gets when you have a group of chronically ill teens and young adults living under the same roof.

We all had our ups and downs obviously, but we were hanging in there, as stable as we could be, and that was enough.

Aside from that, it turns out Reyna was truly a wonderful person. She was a bit on the reserved and private side when it came to some personal stuff and family, but no one really enjoyed talking about that, so it’s understandable. Still, she was very kind and helpful, a little too selfless maybe, but her demeanor was so cool and calm that you felt at ease around her. 

I’m not the only one who found her great. Pretty much everyone had already warmed up to her, even if she hadn’t warmed up to all of us 100%, but we had a particular reason. Reyna had been able to help Annabeth start coping with Zoe’s death like none of us had been able to. 

Annabeth was more lively, slowly going back to her warm and gentle ways, healing step by step. Luke had tried, Thalia had tried, Piper had tried, Hazel had tried, I had tried, but none of us really got her to let go of her self restraints not to feel anything and get better. But Reyna tried and got it. 

Maybe it was just how she seemed to just radiate strength and determination, or maybe something had happened one time when they were alone since they were roommates, but Annabeth was definitely better, and that meant we already felt incredibly grateful for Reyna.

We would be celebrating Thanksgiving next week, so that was something - or rather someone - to add to the list I was grateful for, even if I didn’t really believe in the holiday or anything. It was more out of sentiment. 

The others, especially Luke and Annabeth were obviously on the list too. 

It was the Saturday before Thanksgiving though, when I woke up and immediately knew something was wrong. Not with me, but with the person sitting down in the bed across from mine, Luke, as he was holding his head in his hands and grunting softly. With alarm bells ringing in my head, I jumped out of bed in a heartbeat and kneeled in front of him.

“Luke, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He winced slightly when I spoke, but he opened his eyes anyway. I could only stare at his pain-filled icy blue eyes in concern as he remained silent. He was squinting slightly, and I caught the light coming from the open window. I stood up and hastily pulled the curtains together, so it was even a bit darker. Luke was still holding his temples, obviously still in pain.

“Please, tell me what I should do?” I whispered as softly as I could while still being heard, “Do you want me to bring Dr. D or Chiron?”

He nodded his head minutely, as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

“Alright, I’ll be right back, I promise.”

I rushed out of the room, pulling the door open with so much force it banged loudly against the wall, and rattling the paintings framed to it. Arriving at the living room, I found myself all alone. It was far too early for the other to be awake and up already, but I figured it was better that no one would stop me while I searched for Dr. D or Chiron.

I ran down the stairs, jumping two, sometimes three at a time. I’m not even sure how I managed not to fall, what in my hurry, but I still landed hard on my ankle, staggering and catching myself in the railings. I felt pain blare up my leg, but it didn’t matter. Luke needed me to hurry up, a little pain wouldn’t halt me.  _ Something was wrong with Luke. _

Looking around the living room and dining area, I found it empty once more, and panic started to kick in hard. My heart was speeding up, but I couldn’t focus on that.

_Where is everyone?_ _He needs help, something’s wrong, he needs help!_

I hurried towards the kitchen, not even noticing the slight limp in my step. I threw the door open, but no one was there.

_ Where the  _ fuck  _ is everyone?! _

I ran to the other side of the room, opening the door to the infirmary and the one next to it (figures I just found it was a storage room then), and my breathing started getting shallow. 

_ Oh god, oh god, oh god, what do I do? _

I found myself standing in the middle of the living room, on the brink of hyperventilating, but fucking hell,  _ Luke needed me, I had to do something. _

_ Think, think! Where can they be? Where can they be? Where are they usually? Right here. Where else? Where else- Office! _

I made my way to the office quickly, more out of knowledge of where it was than by seeing where I was going, my vision starting to blur with tears and fog all the same. Standing outside the door, I was able to listen to the unmistakable voices of the doctors I was looking for. 

_ How did I miss them when I came down? _

I didn’t even bother to knock or announce my presence outside the door, instead jerkily pushing the doors open and almost falling to the floor in my desperation. In fact, I didn’t even see if they were really there, but I had to get something done.

“Jesus- what happened-”

“Help- something’s wrong- he’s in the room- you gotta help him- I don’t know what’s wrong or what happened- but he needs help!  _ Please, go help him! _ Dr. D! Chiron! You gotta help him!” I blurted it all out in a single breath, but I wasn’t doing much proper breathing to get out understandable sentences. 

It didn’t matter that I wasn’t making much sense, apparently, because despite being caught by surprise, I heard more than I saw Dr. D and Chiron hurrying to my side. I felt a pair of hands settle on my shoulders, which were shaking with the desperate cries I was holding inside. My blurry vision didn’t let me see who I had in front of me.

“Kid, I need you to calm down-”

“No- no, it’s  _ him _ , not me- help  _ him _ -”

“I can’t understand you if you don’t calm down, Jackson,” Dr. D said anxiously, “take a deep breath, just breathe -that’s it- who needs help?”

“It’s Luke- I don’t know what’s wrong! He’s in pain, I don’t- something’s  _ wrong _ , you gotta help him!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go check him out right now, but I need you to calm down, you’re gonna work yourself into a heart attack-”

“ _ Please just help him _ ,” a sob tore out of my throat. Something was terribly wrong, things couldn’t go this wrong again. I’d just lost Zoe, I couldn’t lose  _ Luke _ too. 

“Alright, alright! Stay here with Chiron-”

“ _ No- _ I said I’d be right back- I can’t leave him alone-”

“You kids are gonna be the death of me, for hell’s sake, alright let’s hurry then!”

I ran back up the stairs, Dr. D close behind pushing Chiron as fast as he could, so that I reached our room before they did. 

Luke was lying down now, in a fetal position, still holding his head, though now loosely rather than tightly, eyes closed and tear tracks on his cheeks. 

_ Oh god. _

I was at his side in a heartbeat, kneeling on the floor next to his bed. Thankfully I had pulled the curtains closed all the way, so that it wasn’t bright or unpleasant. I reached for his hand and held it tightly, noticing that my breathing was returning to normal and my heart wasn’t trying to get out of my chest so much. 

“Hey, hey, I’m back,” I whispered softly, “Dr. D and Chiron are right behind me, they’re gonna check you out and figure out what’s wrong, alright?”

Luke had no time to try to reply, as Dr. D and Chiron entered the room just as he opened his eyes again. They looked as pained as before, but the wild desperation was extinguishing. Dr. D closed the door as Chiron pushed himself forward, coming to rest next to me. 

“Luke, can you hear me?” said Chiron softly, and he placed his hand on his forearm in some sort of comfort. Luke nodded minutely, wincing slightly at the motion. “How much does it hurt? Can you tell me?”

“E- eight right now-” he whispered hoarsely, “a little over 8- but it was a 10 before.”

“8 is still very far from where we’d rather your pain be,” Dr. D muttered, “can you step away, Jackson?”

“Yeah, sorry,-” I made to stand up, and barely held back a gasp as pain shot up my right leg. I stepped back carefully despite my ankle and foot throbbing uncomfortably, but Dr. D and Chiron didn’t notice my falter, focused on Luke at the moment. I stood behind, favoring my left leg.

“Kid, I need you to be very honest,” Dr. D said, concern laced with his serious tone, “have you been experiencing more dizziness lately? Maybe some trouble with coordination? Have you been keeping certain things from us?”

Luke’s face fell, scrunching up in pain and shame all the same. More tears fell from his eyes, and he covered his eyes with his hands, as if trying to hide them. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered miserably, “I thought it would- get better on its own- I didn’t want to go through any more procedures- I thought I could-” 

He winced again, stopping mid sentence and pressing on his temples. Chiron and Dr. D exchanged urgent looks, having a full on conversation in a fraction of a second.

“It’s okay, there’s no point dwelling on that at the moment, right now we better take you to get checked up with more proper equipment,” Chiron said.

“I’ll call an ambulance right now, the hospital is only a couple minutes away, is that alright?” 

Luke was done with talking, and he only nodded curtly. Dr. left the room right away, no doubt to call the ambulance. I stumbled back to sit on the floor next to Luke, which wasn’t the best move, considering the funny look Chiron directed at me.

“Are you alright, Percy?” 

“Of course, yeah, I told you I was fine earlier-”

“You guys tend to say you’re fine when you’re not,” he interrupted with a frown, “you’re not experiencing trouble breathing or feeling your heart racing?”

“No, not more than they should be in this situation, I swear I’m fine, it’s Luke who you should be asking how he’s feeling.”

“We can’t keep our focus solely on one person, despite them being worse, we take care of all of you the same-”

“I just hung up, the ambulance will be here shortly,” Dr. D interrupted, entering the room, and immediately heading towards Luke’s closet, taking out a backpack and stuffing some clothes and papers in there, “I’ll go with him, you can stay here and watch over these guys-”

“Can I go with you guys?” I blurted before I had the chance to really think over what I was saying, but it wasn’t like I needed to really ponder over the situation.

“No, I already let you go to the hospital when you didn’t need to before with Zoe, you can’t just risk exposure every time someone needs to go-”

“But I was fine last time, and I just want to keep Luke company-” I stood up fastly, moving to face Dr. D. That was my mistake. 

I put too much pressure on my bad leg as I turned to him, and this time I wasn’t able to stop the gasp as I tripped over my own feet and would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Chiron’s wheelchair.

“Woah, what’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself? Do you feel bad?”

“It’s fine, I just landed bad when I went downstairs, but I’m fine-”

“Let me see,” Dr. D said with authority, leaving no room for me to argue. Sighing rather annoyed, I sat down on my bed, stretching my leg and holding back any sign of the pain I was in.

“I swear I’m fine, we’re just wasting time-” I broke off with yet another gasp, as I rolled up my pants to reveal a swollen and red ankle peeking from below my sock. Seeing the actual injury magnified the previously dull throb into a more persistent ache. “Ow, fuck.”

“That’s what you call ‘fine’?” Dr. D said sitting down next to my leg, examining my ankle, “I swear no one in this house but you would call this ‘fine’, Jackson, this is definitely sprained if not broken.”

“I-I really thought I was fine- ouch!” I exclaimed in pain as he removed my sock, revealing more swelling and redness. Dr. D just sighed.

“The ambulance is coming shortly, I think it’s best you leave just with Luke now,” Chiron said softly, “I’ll stay here and monitor Percy, let’s hope it’s just a mild sprain and it gets better with rest and ice.”

“But- I wanna go with Luke!” I said too loud, causing Luke to wince slightly. I lowered my voice, “Sorry, I didn’t mean that, but I have to go-”

“You don’t  _ have _ to go anywhere, I’ll just take Luke for a checkup and hopefully it remains just that, I’ll let you know everything, Chiron, but anyway you’re not coming, especially with that ankle.”

“Shouldn’t it get checked up too?” There was desperation and need in my voice, but I didn’t care. I had to go with Luke.

“Not if it’s not necessary,” Chiron said, “like I said, if it’s nothing big, ice and rest will make the swelling go down, so unless you’re still in pain and your ankle is still this swollen after that and some painkillers, there’s no need to go to the hospital.”

“But-”

“Sorry, kid,” Dr. D whispered genuinely, “I’m really not bringing you like this, you’re staying here.”

Disheartened, I turned to look at the floor, biting my lip and cursing at myself for not being careful enough. It didn’t take even 10 seconds before I heard the siren of an ambulance in the distance, growing louder and louder. The others would be waking up soon because of the noise, no doubt.

“Can you stand up, Luke?” Dr. D asked gently, “or would you prefer I bring a wheelchair?”

“No- I can do it,” he whispered barely loud enough for anyone to hear. 

“Alright,” Dr. D said with uncertainty, frowning, “take your time, I’ll take the bag downstairs and bring back some ice for that ankle.” 

Dr. D left the room in a hurry, as Luke slowly sat up in his bed with Chiron’s assistance, wincing at every movement, making my heart break at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to keep him company when he was like this. I was filled with guilt. His eyes caught my stare, and he must have known what I was thinking instantly.

“It’s alright, Perce,” he whispered warily, “I’ll be fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I just wish I could come with you…”

“I know,” he smiled with difficulty, pain still written in his face, which made my heart give a jolt and my stomach do several flips, “but you did hurt yourself getting me help, so I can let this one go.”

I knew he was trying to be humorous for my sake, so that I didn’t feel bad about not going, and I appreciated it, but I wished he didn’t try to hide his pain. 

_ A bit hypocritical coming from you, don’t you think? Oh, shut up.  _

I smiled back at him, with as much genuine joy as I could muster, and Dr. D came back, carrying a hand towel, a pack of ice and a pill bottle in one hand, and a glass of water in the other.

“Alright let’s go, the ambulance is here, I told them to turn down the siren, so it doesn’t cause you any more discomfort,” he then turned to me, handing me the pills and the glass, “here, take two, the pain should disappear in an hour or two, and  _ hopefully  _ it’ll be as good as new when we get back.” 

He wrapped the ice pack in the towel and put it on my ankle. I hissed, both at the relief and at the throb it gave, but I was thankful anyway. 

“I’ll have someone come and change it every once in a while,” Chiron told Dr. D more than to me, “I can’t hang around with you all day, Percy, but I’ll come to see how it’s going, alright?”

I just nodded, looking between him and Dr. D, and said nervously “Will you let the others know what’s going on?”

They exchanged another look like before, having a conversation in a second, before Chiron said, “Unless Luke says he doesn’t want to, we prefer not to have you guys in the dark, but it’s up to Luke.”

“Whatever, there’s no reason to hide anything,” he muttered bitterly 

“Okay then, we should get going,” Dr. D moved to stand next to Luke, “you ready?”

“Yeah,” huffing, Luke stood up on unsteady legs, straining to keep his balance, but Dr. D was thankfully there. 

“You good?” 

“Yeah, I’m good, let’s go,” he gave a few steady steps, Dr. D helping him along, Chiron following them closely. At the door, Luke turned to me, “I’ll see you, later.”

“See ya Luke, I hope it goes alright,” I whispered, hope clear in my voice.

“Yeah, you feel better, Percy.”

And with that the three of them were gone, Chiron promising to be right back, and Dr. D barking at me to follow what they’d both said, leaving me with a ball of anxiety sitting down on my chest, and a feeling of uselessness as I lay unable to stand up. 

The others must have listened to one thing or the other, because I could hear the buzzing of hushed conversation in the other bedrooms, soft ‘do you know what happened?’s ringing across the hallway. I was too worried thinking about Luke to care much about that.

_He will be fine. He will be fine. He will be fine._ _He’s alright. He’s alive, and he_ will _stay alive._

_ … _

_ Will he be fine? _

“Do you know what happened-” I was pulled out of my thoughts as the door to our room was pushed open, several heads looking around the room with curiosity and concern, “What happened to you? And where’s Luke?”

It was Annabeth that had asked, naturally. I caught her eyes, and I knew for a fact that I wasn’t hiding my hopelessness and worry at all, because her eyes widened in panic and her jaw tensed.

“What happened? Where did he go, Percy?” she stepped into the room, her voice trembling with dread. I remained quiet, not knowing what to say, and that was a second too long, as she stormed to my side, grabbed me by the shoulders - rather painfully - and shook me roughly, “Why don’t you answer me? What 's wrong?!”

I was taken aback by her outburst, and my mind went from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye, “He was taken to the h-hospital! He was feeling bad, his head hurt, it woke him up, I- I guess! I don’ know, but he was in- in pain so I got Chiron and Dr. D, and Dr. D’s taking him to the hospital to get him check up- that’s all I know, alright!”

My breaths had become shallow and quick again, my eyesight blurring. I could see the figures of the others stepping right behind Annabeth, and hear their muffled voices. My brain felt like it was going to explode. Annabeth was still grabbing me roughly. My ankle was shooting pain up my leg, and all the shaking was only making it worse. My head was starting to hurt. People were still talking to me, but I couldn’t hear a word. Luke was in pain, all on his own,  _ what if he doesn’t make it? _

It was too much. I just wanted them to shut up and leave me alone. I could feel tears welling in my eyes.

_ It’s too much. It’s too early. I can’t handle this much. I can’t handle more. I can’t- _

“What’s going on?” a voice roared, loud and angry enough to break through the silence in my ears to my loud brain, but not smothering my panic. “ _ Annabeth! _ Let go of Percy, right now!”

The force holding me up let go, and I didn’t realize I was being held up in the first place until I fell on the mattress, the movement sending more shooting pain up my whole body, forcing a mixture of a gasp and a hiss out of my mouth, intertwined with my hyperventilating breaths. 

“Everyone out! I’ll come see you in a minute, I’ll explain everything, but right now I want you out,” the voice was firm, and then it had a tinge of anger, “I mean it Annabeth, go out with the others, I’ll be right with you.”

“But he wasn’t fully telling me - us - what happened-”

“And he shouldn’t have to, I will explain things shortly, I need you out, I’m not in the mood for arguing-”

“Fine, whatever!” was followed by the door banging closed, rattling the wall once more in half an hour or so.

At last, peace and quiet filled the room, but my mind was still in turmoil, my breath too quick for anyone’s liking. 

“Percy, I need you to breathe for me,” I was getting tired of hearing that, but the voice was so soothing and gentle, I forced myself to look up at Chiron’s face, “You know how to do this, you just gotta take some deep breaths, here, follow my breaths, let’s count…”

It took a few minutes for my breathing to get back to what could be considered normal, my heart beating hard against my ribcage, but not as fast. My eyes were no longer blurry, but they weren’t dry either. My hearing didn’t seem muffled anymore. I was, however, still very anxious and in pain. 

“I thought Dr. D gave you these for you to take,” Chiron smiled sadly at me, handing me the pills and the glass of water, and I took them gratefully, swallowing them in an instant, “I know that got to be too much, but you gotta make sure to look after your breathing Percy, in your case having panic attacks can be a bit dangerous.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” I croaked miserably, wishing the meds would kick in faster, “it was just too much happening too quickly, I-”

“You don’t need to apologize, it’s not your fault, I don’t know what came over Annabeth, all I’m saying is I need you to be a bit more mindful about it. Now how do you feel?”

“Like crap,” I muttered rather bitterly -  _ Luke has it far worse, stop feeling sorry for yourself  _ -, “I don’ know, my ankle really hurts, and I’m just - tired.”

“Why don’t I leave you for a bit to rest? Remember, call for someone if you need to stand up or something, I want that ankle to be off walking and moving if possible, we’re still checking if it’s a mild sprain, but I don’t want it getting worse.”

“Yeah, I know,” I wasn’t going to fight that, it hurt already, I didn’t want it to hurt more, though part of me doubted this was mild. 

“I’ll go talk to the others, you try to repose.”

Chiron pushed his chair outside the room, shutting the door softly.

I had been yearning to be alone a second ago, but once I was actually only by myself, I found that I’d rather have someone by my side. I knew that Luke would be keeping me company if he were here, but instead, he was alone himself, probably scared and still in huge pain. 

Who knew how he was doing.

Of course, I’d known about his brain tumor for a long while, but the thought of him getting worse had never crossed my mind, of the tumor growing, or the cancerous cells spreading. I really had avoided thinking about the fact that he could and  _ would most likely  _ get worse. That’s how it works, especially when you’re not receiving treatment anymore. But I couldn’t bear to think of losing him, not then, not now, not later, and my conflicted feelings didn’t help.

I had nothing against love or relationships or whatever, but I was past the point of creating such a bond with someone. My life had always been a ticking time bomb, and now I only had months left. I couldn’t put myself in the position of having something and having it ripped out of my hands in so little time. It would be selfish and unfair for the other person. 

_ What if the other person was in the same position as you? Both with limited time… wouldn’t it be worth it? _

_ No, it would only hurt more. _

Thankfully, my mind went blank, I didn’t feel anything, didn’t think anything, as numbness encompassed my body. I lost track of time. I wasn’t sure if it had been minutes or hours as I laid in my bed, blinking at the ceiling, before someone knocked on my door and let themselves in. I didn’t feel like it, but I turned to look anyway.

“Hey, Percy, sorry we took so long, Chiron had us practically confined downstairs, but we told him we wanted to check on you, and we brought you some food, figured you must be hungry,” Jason said with his gentle and warming voice, smiling rather shyly, placing a plate with some toast and a glass of apple juice on the bedside table.

Leo and Nico were right behind him, and they sat down on the opposite bed, which made my heart give a flip, but I ignored it, smiling softly at them instead.

“Thanks,” I said, sitting up in the bed, my back sore from not moving in a while, careful not to move my leg. I grabbed the piece of toast, and started nibbling on it. “I really appreciate it, so did Chiron tell you what happened?”

“Yeah,” Leo said, moving back to be half lying down, half sitting up in the bed, propped up by a pillow, “it must have been rough, from what we heard Luke was in bad shape, but we’re just hoping it’s nothing big or anything, at this point I’m not even sure what’s wrong with him.”

“Well, Luke’s not the most willing-to-share-about-my-issues person, is he?” Nico said, rolling his eyes.

“Can’t blame him, we’re all messed up, sometimes it’s hard to be open about  _ how _ you’re messed up.”

“Anyway,” Jason interrupted Leo and Nico’s conversation, probably knowing what Luke’s medical situation was, and inferring that I knew too, “how’s your ankle? Chiron said you hurt yourself?”

“I- well, it could be worse,” I hadn’t even paid much attention to it, but once my eyes settled on the wet towel and wet patch of mattress, my brain remembered I had in fact hurt my ankle, and it began to throb painfully, “but it does hurt, not gonna lie to you.”

“The ice is completely melted,  _ wey _ ,” Leo laughed, “I doubt that’s gonna help, I’m gonna go bring you another pack, be right back.”

He took the pack, and headed downstairs. Removing the towel, however, allowed a complete view of my very swollen ankle, the size of a large grapefruit, decorated with reds and purples. Just the sight of it, made the pain worse.

“Ah, shit,” I muttered mindlessly, “Chiron and Dr. D said it wasn’t too bad.”

“I don’t know, that looks bad to me,” Nico whispered, staring at my foot with wide eyes, “you can’t tell me that doesn’t hurt a lot.”

“It hurts more the more I look at it, but I did take painkillers, so maybe they’re working.”

“How did you even manage that?” Jason asked bewildered. 

“I landed wrong going down the stairs, I guess I twisted it, and it hurt at the moment, but you see I was kinda in a hurry to get Dr. D and Chiron, so I ignored it and continued walking for a while, until I came back here, and I never got back out, did I?”

Nico and Jason looked at me perplexed, but Leo’s return took their minds off the matter. His reaction to the condition of my ankle was the same, but I was too centered on the relief actual ice brought to care much.

The conversation was nice afterwards, not once touching the subject of my ankle or Luke, which was both a blessing and a curse, because I was still incredibly worried, but I welcomed the distraction. I managed to finally go to the bathroom with Jason’s help, who walked me there, and it didn’t take long before Chiron came to check on us.

“Hey guys, I just need to see how Percy’s ankle is doing, I need to see if he’ll have to go to the hospital,” he said, pushing himself forward, stopping by my bed. He removed the ice pack frowning, “how is it feeling?”

“It hurts, not a lot, but not just a little either- ouch!” I hissed as he examined the ankle with his hands, scrunching my eyebrows and squinting a little. He instantly removed his hand. “That really hurt.”

“It’s not getting as better as I would have expected, but I think I’d rather see if it improves by tomorrow,”

“Is it  _ getting _ better? It’s all swollen and colored, and it really hurts now,” I said softly, suddenly feeling like an inconvenience.

“It is supposed to get worse before getting better, so we’ll just see this afternoon, but I can definitely clear it’s not broken, just sprained.”

“Have you heard anything about Luke?”

From his sharp intake of breath, I knew he was hoping that I wouldn’t ask, but he should have expected it, honestly. 

“Yes, they took some tests this morning, they’re waiting for the results right now, he’s feeling better with the painkillers, though, hopefully everything will turn out alright.”

“So will they be coming home today?” Jason asked, obviously concerned.

“Of course, if something isn’t alright, he’s not gonna stay there, er, he would start treatment another day, so they should be back this afternoon.”

We nodded, but I wasn’t personally comforted. I wouldn’t be okay until I knew how Luke was. I glanced at my phone, still with no new messages, even if I had texted him hours ago. He must have been busy though, I couldn’t blame him for not replying, he was at the hospital, for god’s sake. 

The others left shortly after to have lunch, promising to be back later and that they’d bring me something to eat. I couldn’t bear to tell them that I wasn’t feeling exactly hungry, even if I’d eaten half of my toast, but I still smiled and nodded.

The hours went by, the guys came back, and still no word or text from Luke. They were supposed to be coming home in the afternoon. They must have already had the results, and it was killing me not to be able to move. 

My ankle was in fact not getting much better. The pain was only a fraction more tolerable, the swelling had gone down only slightly, and it was still red and purple in some areas. Chiron concluded that I was in fact going to need to go to the hospital to get it properly treated, since they needed some scans to better see the way to deal with it. 

That meant that I couldn’t pace up and down my room, or walk outside to try and find some tranquility in the backyard. I could only sit and lie down in bed, very impatiently picking at my own fingers, biting on my lower lip until it was chapped, and jumping my right leg up and down. It physically hurt me, but I had to keep my left leg as immobile as possible, and that meant not having a way to actually help my ever-growing anxiety.

It wasn’t until a few hours later, when the sky was already dark and the sun had set that my phone finally went off with a notification. I scrambled to get my phone from the nightstand, thankful that the others weren’t with me at the moment, and accidentally moving my ankle a little too hard.

_ Luke: we’re on our way, we can talk when I get there _

It wasn’t clarifying at all, and once again, I found myself not being comforted, but at least he was on the way back. He was alive, he was okay, that’s what mattered. 

_ How can you be sure he’s okay? He never said that, wouldn’t you think he would have told you everything was fine?  _

_ Something’s wrong. _

I was getting tired of feeling on edge all the time, feeling that something was wrong, but every bone in my body was tense, awaiting a shocking blow, awaiting bad news and pain.

Far up on my roo,, my only option at finding out what was going on was straining my ears to be able to hear something,  _ anything _ , that told me Luke was back home and safe. I didn’t dare breathe too loud, I willed myself not to move, as not to make a single sound. I needed to be able to hear if a car was being parked, steps on the porch, the door opening, footsteps up the stairs...

I was still alone when I finally heard an engine rev back the parking space in the front yard, my heart speeding up as I willed my body not to jump straight up and make my way downstairs without a single care for my ankle. The only thing stopping me was the text I’d received from my mom earlier, begging me to rest and not be reckless for once. That didn’t make it any easier to just sit there and wait for Luke, but it made it happen. 

I heard the front door unlocking and opening, as two pairs of footsteps entered the house and closed the door behind them. My heart skipped a beat, but I couldn’t hear anything else going on. I figured Luke would stay down to talk with the others, which saddened me a little, but it was the obvious thing for him to do. 

I plopped down in bed, staring at the ceiling rather dejectedly. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs, however not wanting to let my hopes up, I convinced myself that it was Dr. D coming to check on my ankle, even if the steps sounded hurried.

When the door opened, I didn’t find myself staring at Dr. D’s face, but at Luke’s icy blue wide eyes instead. My head immediately began spinning the worst possibilities at the look on his face, because something  _ really had to be wrong _ .

“Luke!” I whispered shakily, “What happened-”

“Why didn’t you tell me you hadn’t gotten better?” He rushed towards me, his gaze traveling from my now bandaged ankle to my most likely very dumbfounded expression. “Chiron just told me you needed to go to the hospital! You should have told me you weren’t okay.”

A sudden anger surged through my body. It was  _ me _ who should have told him how I was, but he couldn’t tell me how he was?

“I’m sorry, but I thought you telling me how you were feeling was more important, seeing as it was  _ you  _ who was in the hospital,” I said annoyed, “I was worried out of my mind, I just wanted to know you were  _ alive _ , and you couldn’t answer any of my texts.”

My voice lost its snark halfway through as his face fell, and I was filled with concern all over again, even if the anger still sat in the back of my head.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” he whispered, sitting down in his bed and turning to look at the floor, “it’s just that- I don’t like to worry others or inconvenience them with news and all, I’d rather deal with things by myself.” 

The look in his eyes made all the anger die out, and I pushed myself up from the bed, painfully throwing my legs over the side, and sitting properly for the first time since the morning. Taking a deep breath and preparing myself, I stood up on one foot, and started to hop the short way to his bed. He noticed the motion, because his head immediately snapped toward me, and his eyes widened again.

“Jesus, Percy! What are you thinking, you dumbass, get back down!” He stood up and made to push me back down, but I grabbed onto his shoulders, refusing to do so.

“Not unless you sit down with me,” I held onto his shoulders, and most out of fear of further aggravating my injured ankle, he reluctantly sat down next to me. My ankle throbbed, but what was life without a little risk and pain. I wasn’t going to tell Luke that obviously.

“Now look at me,” I said sternly, and his eyes found mine, which suddenly made me feel all fuzzy, “I’m so sorry someone ever made you believe your problems were inconveniences, and that you’re not worth worrying about, but I promise you you do  _ not _ inconvenience me, and you can’t stop me from worrying about you, it’s too late for that, you mean too much to me to expect I’d let you deal with anything by yourself.”

I didn’t mean to say that, but I meant every word. I knew overcoming insecurities was not easy, and not something you do because someone tells you how much you mean to them, but seeing Luke’s features soften made me feel a lot warmer. I’d said the right words, and that was a huge win for me.

“Now, don’t worry about me or my ankle, they’re gonna be just fine,” feeling bold, I put my hand over his as I paused, “what happened with you? Is everything okay? You don’t have to deal with things on your own.”

He was staring at our hands, his cheeks a little rosier than usual, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. He looked down all over again, his face a perfect facade of calm. I knew him too well to know that was bullshit. 

“What 's wrong? I mean- is something wrong? Did the doctors tell you why-”

“The tumor is growing again,” he said blankly, “It had shrunk a bit a little while ago, but now it’s back to how it was and worse, that’s why I’ve been having headaches and trouble with my coordination.”

“I-” I was at a loss for words, my insides freezing over as my second worst assumption had just been revealed to be true, “I’m so sorry, Luke, I-”

“It’s not like this wasn’t going to happen eventually,” he sounded so hollow and resigned that I felt tears pricking my eyes, “all my previous treatments failed to remove it completely, so it was bound to grow as big as- I don’t even know what.”

“So what now?” I was still feeling hopeless, but I had to light a candle to light up Luke’s darkness, “Do you go through chemo again? Can’t they try operating again?”

“There’s no way to operate without killing me, and chemo is more for when the cancer has spread, mine is very comfortable just in one place, so I’d have to do radiation therapy. My oncologist said it’s most likely our last option.”

“Well, you should start soon then, right-”

“I’m not sure I wanna, there’s no point in going through it, it’s gonna fail anyway.”

“ _ Hey _ , you can’t give up like that-”

“It’s not giving up, Percy!” he stood up angrily, facing me with a frown, “It’s being tired of going through those fucking rough treatments, for them to fail, for me to get my hopes up and for the doctors telling me it didn’t work, and I’m going to die anyway!”

“You sound like Zoe,” More tears were welling up in my eyes, but I wasn’t going to let them fall, “but she didn’t forget I know what’s that like, I’ve had the exact same surgery done several times only for my heart to fail again in a year and a half  _ at most _ , I haven’t been cured either, my odds are very bad too, but we can’t stop treatment because the odds are bad Luke, you can’t let yourself go without trying,  _ please _ .”

“I’m just so tired,” he whispered hoarsely, looking me straight in the eye, my skin raising in goosebumps, “I’m tired of getting my heart crushed when the tumor doesn’t go away, I’m not giving up, I just don’t want to be let down again.”

“You can’t tell if it’s gonna work or not-”

“It’s never worked Percy, what makes you think it will now?”

“I just hope it does,” I whispered sadly, “I don’t want to lose you too, and like someone once told me, you can’t give up on yourself, there’s always gotta be hope, you can’t lose that hope, right? It’s doomed to fail if you give up hope."

He gave a choked up laugh, as if it was between a chuckle and a sob, and he plopped down next to me, turning to smile at me with wet eyes, “I can’t believe you remember that, it seems like so long ago.”

“Yeah, well, they also told me we’d make it through it, and I don’t intend to be the one to break that promise, plus they promised to try not to die...”

I faltered. Silence fell for a moment, where all we did was stare into each other’s eyes. It was like time had frozen, and I felt my breath hitch, my heart speeding up, my cheeks heating up. We were so close, my skin was still raised in goosebumps, and my thoughts turned to cotton. All I could focus on was the beautiful eyes of the person next to me, and how wonderful it would be to-

“I- uh-” I shook my head, turning away as my face reddened in shame. 

_ Oh god, oh god, oh god, dios mío, ¿en qué estoy pensando? ¿cómo termine acá, a la verga? _

Luke cleared his throat, turning away too, but he wasn’t looking nearly as abashed as I felt.

“Right, thanks Percy,” he said as if nothing had happened, “I guess, whoever somebody was, they weren’t wrong, and they can’t really break a promise they made to someone who is clearly special.”

I nearly choked on my own saliva, “Yeah, well, you can’t stop fighting for those you care about, can you?”

It was his turn to look sheepish, but he was much better at disguising sudden emotions than I was, “No, you really can’t, I should tell Dr. D, we argued a bit about this, and I said I didn’t want the therapy, even if my oncologist said I could start on Monday, so I- uh- I’m gonna go tell him I will have it, and that Monday’s fine, there’s no point in waiting more time.”

He may have been the best at concealing his emotions, but just him talking more than he usually would was a sign that he was as anxious as I felt, “Yeah, and tell him that I’m coming too, he didn’t let me come today because of this asshole, but I can get it treated on Monday and then accompany you everyday once my ankle’s fine.”

He halted in his way to the door, looking at me over his shoulder with a genuine smile and gratitude written on his face, “Thank you Percy, I’ll tell him, even though he’s gonna say no.”

“I lose nothing in trying.” 

He left the room after that, and he didn’t come back right after, which left me alone with the thoughts and feelings I refused to ponder on. If I could avoid them, I would. Nothing happened. Nothing nearly happened. Everything was fine. 

I kept telling myself that for the entirety of the next days, and I would keep telling myself that. Even as Monday arrived and Dr. D drove Luke and me - only because my ankle hadn’t improved at all - to the hospital. I would get my ankle fixed while Luke went to have radiation therapy. Unfortunately though, they were on two different buildings, about 10 minutes apart, and that stressed me out.

I wasn’t just fine with that however. There’s no way I’d managed to get to the hospital - regardless of the circumstances - and I’d just leave Luke by himself, because it turned out we were going to different hospitals.

“Percy, you wouldn’t be allowed even near the room anyway,” he’d reassured me that morning, “radiation on  _ my _ brain is fine, but exposing  _ you _ to radiation isn’t.”

That hadn’t assured me at all, and I was determined to find a way to be with him as soon as possible.

The short ride to the radiation therapy center was silent, Luke playing with his hands nervously. I knew that even if I’d convinced him to accept the treatment, he wasn’t exactly hopeful it would work, and understanbly, he wasn’t looking forward to it. He tried to downplay the side effects, but I still knew, mostly of research, that it could get hard for him. I intended to be with him every step of the journey, and help him throughout anything. Still not feeling overly comfortable since Saturday’s events, I decided to squeeze his shoulder to comfort him, even if all I wanted was to hold his hand. 

His hands halted in their motion, and he gave me a thankful, pained smile. The fearful spark in his eyes made me doubt the words I’d told him, but, selfishly, I needed this therapy to succeed. It would be fine later when he was all good. All I could do now was be there for him. 

Dr. D parked the car the closest to the hospital entrance, but even that was too far for my painful ankle, so I had to go in a wheelchair. It was incredibly relieving not to have to walk that much, and I was grateful for the chair, not even going to lie there.

The building was not as big as I pictured it, but being a highly specialized institute, I figured it was rightly sized. We made our way through the front door, across the entrance hall where several people sat down in chairs and sofas, as it served as a waiting room, and we stopped at the informational desk.

“Good morning, we have an appointment at 10 with Dr. Lawrence, from oncology, under the name of Luke Castellan,” Dr. D said politely, smiling at the nurse.

“Of course, just let me check quickly.”

She turned to the computer, and Dr. D turned to Luke. “Alright, you’re old enough to be okay by yourself while we go take care of Percy’s ankle, _ but _ do not hesitate to call or text, you understand me? I know we’ve been through this before, and you get the gist of what will happen, but still, if you have any doubts, call me. I don’t expect we’re gonna take long, but if you’re done, and we’re not back, call me too, and wait right here in this waiting room, don’t you dare leave by yourself, alright?”

Luke sighed, but he didn’t seem annoyed by Dr. D’s rather fatherly behavior, quite on the contrary, “Yeah, I promise I’ll text you if anything happens.”

“Okay, Mr. Castellan, Dr. Lawrence will see you shortly, you can go wait in his office, you know the way?”

“Yeah, thank you,” he held his breath, looking down the hall to the right. It was the last time I could give him some comfort, and before I could lose my courage, I gripped his hand tightly.

“It’s gonna be okay, Luke,” I said with a strength in my voice that masked my own anxiety, “it’s gonna work this time.”

It was his turn not to be reassured by my words, “Yeah, hopefully, I-” he took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly, “I can do this.”

“Of course you can do this,” I gave him a tentative smile, which he returned equally as hesitant. He squeezed my hand, and let go.

“See ya when you get back,” he said in a fake energetic way, and turned around at once, not waiting for me or Dr. D’s reply, disappearing around the corner.

“Shall we go or will you gaze dreamily after him, huh?” Dr. D said seemingly unbothered, but I could hear the humor laced in his tone. I blushed furiously, refusing to look at him. I could even hear the nurse giggling behind her desk.

“Let’s just go, the sooner we get back the better.”

The ride to the hospital was awkward for me, but I knew Dr. D was enjoying my situation, since he kept chuckling to himself and throwing me amused glances. 

Once there, we made our way to the ER, and a nurse guided us to a bed where I could wait for the orthopedic doctor to arrive, Dr. D sitting by my bed. I only had the ugly, swollen ankle to look at, unless I counted the wounds and injuries that the people in the other beds were sporting, which I was ignoring as best I could. Hospitals made me incredibly uncomfortable now, filling me with negative feelings. I refused to look straight at a light, or anything else really, fearing that the memories I was trying so hard to push back would come back.

I decided I needed a distraction before I worked myself into an anxiety attack.

“Do you think I can go with Luke everyday once I get this fixed up?” I asked out loud, lacking a whole lot of confidence.

“Even if you get your ankle in a cast or a brace, you have to rest your foot,” Dr. D said, not even looking up from the medical magazine he was reading.

“I could use crutches, right?” My confidence still didn’t have any plans on showing up, “I could keep it rested and go at the same time, and you wouldn’t have to worry about me getting sick because it’s really not a hospital with contagious diseases, is it?”

“Look, Jackson-”

“Percy Jackson?” A kind looking doctor approached us, a smile on his face. I nodded hastily. “I’m Dr. Santamaria, I’m here to check your ankle, I hear it’s sprained?”

“It’s definitely sprained,” Dr. D answered for me, “we ruled out a fracture, so we tried treating it at home, see if it got better, but as you can see, it very much didn’t. The swelling has only gone down a little, though the bruising has improved.”

“Right, you should be Dr. Dionysus, nice to meet you,” he nodded politely to him, before turning to me, “when and how did this happen, and can you rate your pain?

“Uh, on Saturday morning, I was kinda in a hurry, and I landed bad and hard on my ankle as I went down the stairs, but like, I was really in a hurry right, so I continued walking for a bit, ignoring it really, but yeah, and I guess it hurts like a 4? I don’t think it reaches 4.5, though it was a solid 6 at first.”

Sensing my anxiety, and hearing my vague explanation, he gave Dr. D a quizzical look, prompting him to explain the situation better. Afterwards, he examined my ankle, feeling it with his hands more harshly than was necessary in my opinion, and moving my foot around, making me grit my teeth as the pain spiked slightly. 

“It doesn’t seem to be too bad, I’m sure it’s only a grade II sprain, but I’m gonna order an X-ray just to make sure that’s the case.”

Dr. D sighed, but it sounded resigned and relieved at the same time somehow, “Of course, that’s what I figured, is it a busy day in X-ray?”

“Not really, but I can see if they can take as soon as possible, I imagine you’d rather this be done as quickly as possible? I heard you run a home for sick children.”

“Yeah, not only children though, young adults too, they’re not really adults at 21-22 are they?” Dr. D was smiling now, only half mockingly, “but yeah, I have another kid doing radiation therapy right now, I’m not sure if we’re gonna be out of here by the time he’s done.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they take him up right away, now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll come check you when we have the scan.”

He walked to the nurse station, where he wrote something on some files, while he talked with one of the nurses. 

“I’m going to call Luke to see how he’s doing, alright?” Dr. said, “if he doesn’t answer he’s started already, I’ll only be gone for a sec.”

He walked down the hall a bit, standing in an open area where rows of chairs stood back to back, taking out his phone, he put it close to his ear, waiting for Luke to pick up.

I moved my gaze around the room, but I was filled with regret in a heartbeat, as being in a hospital again brought too many bad memories. I had already grown used to hospitals, but recent events and stubborn reminiscences made me feel as uncomfortable as the first time I woke up in a hospital bed when I was 12.

The hem of my shirt seemed much more interesting than my surroundings, until a glint on the side of the bed caught my eye.

Damned be my curiosity.

A silver cart reflected the bright lights, and it was filled with several supplies: needles, bandages, scissors, tubes, among other things. My gaze locked onto something among those supplies, inside an open drawer, the steel glinting more intensely than anything else.

The sight made my gut twist and my insides freeze as a dozen feelings threatened to rise inside my chest, predominantly shame. But I could feel that whisper in my head, a dangerous compulsion, an unbearable desire. 

_ You promised not to do it again _ .  _ You promised. You can’t break that promise. _

_ Will I be breaking it if I just take it? I didn’t promise not to have one, I just promised not to do it. There’s no harm in taking just  _ one.

It was so close, what could stop me? No one would know, and nothing was going to happen anyway. Just having it would cause me no problems. 

Still doubtful, but before I could change my mind, I reached out towards a tray on the hiddcart and my fingers closed around a sharp and cold object, a simple steel blade. Quickly, I stuffed it in the pocket of my hoodie. 

_ There’s no reason for anything to happen, having it doesn’t mean using it, right? _

_ Would it be wrong to use it, though? _

Yes.

“Luke’s radiation session will start shortly, and a nurse just told me they’re going to take you to X-ray right now, so I think we’ll make it.” Dr. D’s voice made me jump slightly, and I nervously slipped my hands from my hoodie pocket. He frowned at me. “You alright? You’re a little sweaty.”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine, I just, don’t feel comfortable in hospitals anymore, I guess,” my voice was small, trembling slightly, but before he could dwell on it, I changed the topic, “have you thought about what I asked you? Can I go with Luke?”

“Jeez, kid, you really are annoyingly persistent,” he facepalmed, he really facepalmed, “will you stop bothering me if I said yes?”

“Yes! Of course I’d stop bothering-”

“Let’s see how things turn out, I’ll let you know once we’re done with you.”

A nurse came shortly after, and she took me up to the X-ray scan. The whole procedure was fairly short, and I didn’t even have to change out of my clothes into a hospital gown, which was a first for me. In no time, I was back in the bed in the ER, Dr. Santamaria with the results in a neat folder.

“You did tear some of those ligaments, through your words, I really thought it was milder than it really is,” he turned to me with an awed expression, “you truly have a high pain tolerance kid, because most people with these scans wouldn’t rate their current pain at a 4.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I asked awkwardly, I could feel my cheeks heating up.

“Not necessarily, it just shows you’ve been in worse pain than most.”

I felt flustered after the conversation, but at least my ankle wouldn’t hurt too much now, and I’d be able to walk on my own, although with the help of crutches for a couple of weeks and an ankle support brace. 

I knew the fact that I was coming with a doctor who most likely knew the staff at the hospital helped to make everything quicker, because I knew getting the X-rays and all fixed up would have normally taken a whole longer if I had been coming with my mom and Paul. I wasn’t one to complain about a bit of special service however, if anything I felt thankful.

The entire ride to the radiation center I kept my hand in my pocket, toying with the blade, in a dazed state, not truly believing I had just stolen that from the hospital. By the time we arrived and I had made my wobbly way inside, still having trouble with the crutches, Luke was just coming down the hall, in conversation with a pretty and animated woman, a small box in his hands. She appeared to be speaking much more lively than him, but he was obviously trying to match her mood.

I imagined it wasn’t easy to act happy and giddy when you’ve just done a radiation therapy session, and you weren’t exactly hopeful things would work out.

His eyes lit up when he saw us, no wonder happy to have an out of having to pretend. But in less than a second, he frowned, his eyes now wide in alarm. He walked towards me, grabbing my shoulders and staring worriedly at my leg.

“Percy! Is it so bad you had to get a brace?”

“Eh, I didn’t feel like it was a big deal, but apparently it’s bigger than I made it seem,” it said sheepishly, “but anyway, how are you feeling?”

“I’m good now, the first week will be fine though, the fun starts later right doc?”

“You have an unrivalled wicked sense of humor, you know Luke?” the doctor said, chuckling disbelievingly, “but yeah, he’ll be mostly fine for now, the side effects will really start showing up later on, and you’re the Percy he’s so fond of, right? I’m Dr. Cassandra Lawrence, Luke’s oncologist.”

I couldn’t help but blush and avert my eyes, my words coming as a mutter, “Yeah, I’m Percy, nice to meet you.”

This time she huffed in laughter, but Dr. D thankfully didn’t let her continue that train of conversation, “Hey, Cas, How did it go? Do you reckon the odds are good?”

“Well, we’re always hoping for the best, and you know the odds for this type of tumor aren’t particularly the best, but I’m hopeful it’ll be a good outcome this time,” she said, serious this time.

“I told you we have to be hopeful for the best, Luke,” I whispered, intending only him to listen, but apparently failing.

“See that’s the spirit you need!” Dr. Lawrence said, pushing Luke’s shoulder softly, “Maybe he can come and keep you company while you wait and everything, even if he can’t come with you to the session itself.”

I turned to look at Dr. D with wide and excited eyes. I’d been asking him all day and  _ Luke’s doctor _ just proposed I come with him. 

Dr. D pinched his nose, sighing for the hundredth time, “Fine, but not everyday you hear me? The others are  _ so _ gonna complain about this.”

“Just tell them I personally asked his presence,” Dr. Lawrence said, winking at me, causing me to blush even brighter, “I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? Take care.”

“I can’t believe you always manage to get away with what you want Jackson,” he muttered.

“Hey, it’s not my fault, Dr. Lawrence  _ personally _ asked for my presence,” I said grinning. Dr D rolled his eyes, but Luke smiled, which marked it as a win for me.

“Whatever, let’s get you guys home, you both need rest. Wait by the door, I’ll go get the car.”

Dr. D walked ahead of us, as we slowly walked - in my case wobbled and hopped - to the front door. Luke was staring at me waringly, as if he expected me to lose my balance and fall.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” he said as we waited, frowning slightly.

“Yeah, I’m fine, plus I’m glad I’ll get to come with you some days! Are  _ you _ sure you’re okay?”

“I was being honest when I said the first days are fine, but anyway, I just gotta take these,” he gestured to the box in his hands, which read  _ Temodar _ , “and come, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Hey, it  _ is _ a big deal, this is important, you get to have feelings about this and voice what you think, this matters, it should be a big deal, it’s your life we’re talking about.”

“I-” he faltered, and stayed silent. Soon the familiar van was in front of us, and Dr. D was stepping out to make sure I got in fine. Before he came close, Luke turned to me and whispered, his eyes gleaming,“Thank you.”

We got in the car just fine, Dr. D helping me come to a comfortable position. I felt lighter than I had in a while, with Luke seating next to me, breathing steadily and looking peacefully at the clouds through the window. 

But if I felt so light, why couldn’t I help stroking the sharp edge of the blade in my pocket, with the whispers growing more restless by the second?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I finally introduced an OC, honestly the only one I have intended, so don't think much on her, the name Cassandra means healer of men, and I took Lawrence from an actual radiation oncologist from Johns Hopkins whose video and articles helped me understand how radiation therapy works :)


	10. Feel The Moment All Around You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t feel the excitement quite as much as the others. It was nice to see everyone happy nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just want to say, there's a somewhat major change in the writing style, cause I genuinely got bored of it by chapter 3, so I just changed it you know?   
> But anyway! I just wanted to say thank you for your patience with this, I know it's been a long time, at this point, expect monthly updated instead of anything else, I can't commit to updates in less time lmao  
> And, someone asked me to list the conditions everyone has so here's the list (even though some are technical names that probs won't clear much)
> 
> Percy: Aortic valve stenosis (narrowing of the heart's aortic valve)  
> Luke: Brain tumor   
> Annabeth: Chronic pyelonephritis (recurrent kidney infection)  
> Nico: Post-traumatic epilepsy  
> Jason: Multiple sclerosis  
> Piper: Type II diabetes  
> Reyna: Scoliosis   
> Leo: Wilson's disease (copper accumulation)  
> Hazel: Hemochromatosis (iron accumulation)
> 
> I genuinely hope that's helpful, in case you can't tell, I genuinely spent weeks researching and reading medical journals lmao  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Also, just so you know, the next few chapters after this one are part of why I'm writing this, so I'm really looking forward to that

"The time you have is sacred

Don’t wait around and waste it" 

The Maine,  _ Flowers on the Grave _

**Chapter 10: Feel the Moment All Around You**

Luke wasn’t lying, radiation therapy was going fine so far. It wasn’t that Percy didn’t trust him, but he could hide things so others don’t worry about him, and face his pain on his own when he has people in his corner. 

“Low doses of radiation and the meds I take make sure side effects are better,” he had said, but Percy was more than ready to help him through any side effects that surfaced, no matter what.

Aside from Luke going to receive the radiation daily and Percy hopping his way around with a sprained ankle, things were quiet and chill in the house. He went with Luke on alternate days, much to everyone’s annoyance, especially Annabeth, who had ignored him since Saturday and acted cold when she had to talk to him. The funny thing is that  _ Percy  _ didn’t do anything, it was  _ her _ that was lowkey rude and inconsiderate in a moment when he was practically having a panic attack.

He didn’t even realize it until days later, but the way she acted made him panic so much because it reminded him of Smelly Gabe. He was an abusive piece of shit, and as much as Percy hated to admit it, he was genuinely afraid of him. In his drunken state, anything would make him act violently, and he’d been grabbed by his shoulders like Annabeth did way too many times. Times he didn’t want to remember, but times that filled him with the same fear of being hurt he felt a few days ago.

But he couldn’t hold it against her. Percy knew it wasn’t in her intentions to make him feel terrified, and the unpleasant memories that seemed more vivid these last few days weren’t entirely her fault. She cares deeply for Luke, as Percy does, and she was panicking as much as he was, desperate to know Luke was fine. He wasn’t mad at her, really, though it bothered him that he was the one being ignored.

Luke was more upset by Annabeth’s actions, more so when Percy admitted she reminded him of his old step-father, who only Luke knew about, when he woke up from a bad nightmare.

“I get she was worried, but she had no reason to treat you like that,” he had frowned, shaking his head disbelievingly, “I’m sorry you had to go through that, I can’t understand how people can be so monstrous.”

“It’s fine now, I- it was bad, but we’re much better with Paul now, obviously, and I guess I moved on from that,” he’d faltered slightly, not knowing what to say, after all, how could he have moved on when he’d just woken up from a nightmare about the man? “I mean, right now is different, it just shook me up, that’s it, it’s not Annabeth’s fault.”

They’d been sitting on the floor between the beds, and Luke placed a comforting hand on Percy’s arm.

“What Annabeth did was wrong, no matter the circumstance, and it’s okay if you’re still not completely over the abuse, it was traumatic, you can’t just forget and move on like nothing happened, you don’t have to pretend it’s all okay, because even if you’ve got Paul now, it doesn’t erase that you were hurt by that old piece of crap, you can still feel hurt by that.”

For years Percy had blocked out most memories he had with Smelly Gabe, but after a good cry that night, it felt better to live with what had happened rather than pretend nothing ever did. His heart swelled with gratitude for Luke. 

Warmth was something he’d grown used to when hanging around with him, but he still refused to name his feelings. He didn’t feel the way he did with anyone else but with Luke, and he knew he was too far down the hole, but in all honesty, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back. On the contrary, he feared that naming his feelings would destroy everything, and the warmth would be replaced by cold bitterness. 

What would he do if his  _ unnamed feelings _ ruined the friendship he’d built with Luke? It would also ruin everything with everyone else, no doubt. Percy would be as alone as he had been all his life. He wasn’t willing to lose everything over some stupid feelings. Keeping them away was the best for everyone, especially himself.

_ This isn’t the day to think like this _ .

He shook his head, getting rid of the negative thoughts that would rise from time to time. It was true, today wasn’t the day. Thanksgiving had arrived, and everyone was at least a little excited, even if Percy personally felt nonchalant about it, since his mom and him weren’t exactly used to celebrating it with a big meal and all the family, seeing as most of the time they couldn’t exactly afford it and they were on their own for years - Gabe certainly didn’t count as family, and his mom hadn’t been with Paul more than a couple of years.

He didn’t feel the excitement quite as much as the others. It was nice to see everyone happy nonetheless.

He sat up in bed. He had been awake just staring at the ceiling for long enough, not finding it in himself to get up. If Luke were here he’d be bothering him already - that is if he wasn’t still asleep -, but he’d gone to therapy earlier so that if anything should happen more time would allow that he would feel better by dinnertime. They would be back soon, and if Percy was still in bed he’d never hear the end of it. 

He had somewhat replied to his mom’s texts, telling him they weren’t going to be able to make it for dinner, but probably would be hanging around the next day. He simply wrote back ‘Okay mom, I hope you two have a nice day, I’ll see you tomorrow, thanx for everything’.

It wasn’t his fault he’d been feeling off lately, though, mind going to the blade hidden in the pocket of the hoodie he wore on Monday more than he would want. But he couldn’t help it. He hadn’t acted on any urges, but they were as present as they had been years ago.

_ Just get up, go take a shower, put on a smile… before anyone else forces you to, anyway. _

Sighing, he got up, unsteadily walking to the closet. Having crutches really was an inconvenience, and Percy wasn’t the best at handling them, but hopefully his ankle would be good enough in a couple of weeks that he could get rid of them. 

Showering in itself was difficult, and he had to cover the brace - and his entire foot too - with a waterproof protector, but the real issue was balancing. He managed, since he refused not to shower by himself, but it was still hard. 

Finally dressed, some 20 minutes later, Percy was surprised no one had come looking for him, as it was almost 10 am.

_ Do you really think they care about you not being downstairs already? Please… _

He stood in the middle of the room, breathing deeply, a cold numbness making his body tingle uncomfortably and causing goosebumps to rise in his skin.  _ What was wrong with me these days? _ It was tiring to deal with a nasty voice reminding you of all of your flaws and wrongdoings. Added to the recent nightmares and the ever-growing urges, he was  _ not  _ having a good time.

He walked out the door, and almost crashed head first into none other than Piper, his heart skipping a beat for a second.

“Woah!” she barely stopped before they collided, putting her hand to her chest in a manner similar to Percy’s, “Fuck! You scared me!”

“Oh,  _ I  _ scared  _ you _ ?”, he said out of breath.

“Sorry, I really didn’t mean to! I- I was just coming to check up on you, it’s late, we thought something was wrong or that you’d gotten hurt or something… are you okay?”

His heart clenched painfully. He wasn’t quite filled with warmth, the previous cold had settled too deep in his bones, but it didn’t seem so sharp-edged. The numb tingling didn’t stop, and neither did the voice in his head urging him to cave in. But he couldn’t stay quiet for too long without appearing suspicious of the turmoil in his head.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, voice far more steady than he could hope, “I just slept in, and plus it takes me more time to shower and get ready with this stupid brace and all.”

It was hard to lie to Piper’s face. She was incredibly perceptive, especially about other people’s feelings. It was scary at times, and really annoying when you wanted to lie and hide something. Her mesmerizing eyes squinted ever so slightly, but her stare was so firm Percy felt like she was looking straight into his soul. He had to put up the strongest front, raise the highest walls, make sure not to crumble, as he plastered a carefree smile on his face.

“Would you mind walking by my side? It makes it better when I feel like there’s someone beside me who can make sure I don’t fall,” he started down the hallway, knowing that changing the topic was the only way to leave unscathed and without further questioning. Besides, it wasn’t like Piper to say no when someone asked for her help. 

“Oh, sure,” she walked slowly besides him, but she was frowning, and he knew there was a low chance she’d let the subject drop. “How did you manage to sleep in anyway? Didn’t Luke wake you earlier?”

“I couldn’t fall asleep last night, I was tired, so even though Luke  _ did _ wake me up earlier, I just turned around and fell asleep again.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. He really had trouble sleeping, and he didn’t really sleep much. 

“What kept you up, if you don’t mind?”

Only a few steps for the stairs, and Percy would be free of her questioning. But she was smart, there’s no denying that. He had to give her something, or she wouldn’t let this go.

“Thanksgiving actually,” he said as the railings were at the stretch of his hand, “me and my mom have never done something big or anything other than with each other until a couple of years ago when we met Paul, so I was thinking about what it will be like.”

“Oh,” he was pleased to see Piper effing McLean surprised, in a good way, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised, but the corners of her lips quirked up. She wasn’t expecting that or any answer from him. “Well, it’s gonna be warm and cozy and… like home, it’s not that big of a deal, though, and sorry to bring this up, but I thought your mom’s husband was your dad?”

They were walking down the stairs now. “Oh, he is my dad, just not biologically, he’s loved me like a father since very early on, and like, I don’t remember my bio dad, ‘cause he died when I was like 4, lost at sea or something like that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine, really,” just a couple more stairs, and it would be over, “like I said, Paul’s my dad, and it’s not like I don’t miss my father or don’t feel sad I didn’t get to meet him well, but that’s something I’ve put in the past, Paul makes up for all the years I didn’t have a dad.” 

_ Are you sure it’s something you’ve put in the past?  _ A flash of green, a deep caring laugh, the ocean breeze tousling hair, the smell of blood and antiseptic and bleach.

He faltered on the last step, and probably would have fallen if Piper hadn’t grabbed his arm, stabilizing him with gentle hands, so unlike the ones that came to his mind. 

“Woah, you okay?” she whispered urgently, frowning again, still softly holding his arm

“Yeah thanks, I hate having this stupid sprained ankle,” he muttered bitterly, “like fuck, it’s not that big of a deal, I hate these crutches, -14/10, wouldn’t recommend”

Piper snorted and rolled her eyes, “Of course, you’d say something like that.”

Percy found his lips forming a smile, “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re worse than Leo in turning your pain into jokes,” her smile was humorless, concern written on her face, as his own smile dropped, “I understand of course, but you should know you don’t have to hide, at least not with me… or Luke or Jason for that matter… or pretty much everyone else to be honest.”

He felt conflicted, between the empty feeling inside his chest, the sting in his eyes and the warmth Piper’s hand radiated up his arm. 

“I- it’s nothing like that, I-” he was at a loss of words, on the edge of being overwhelmed. If so much as an emotion leaked through, the entire dam would break, and there’s no way he’d allow that.

“It’s okay, I get it, there’s no rush, but you can trust me, I know what daddy issues are like,” she huffed a short laugh, “and trust me, more people than you believe get them too, but really, there’s no rush, you can take as much time as you need.”

The dam wouldn’t break. Not today. So he did the only thing he thought of, and that was pulling Piper into a short hug. 

“Thank you, Pipes,” his voice was barely a whisper, but it was enough for her to understand.

“Anytime, Percy,” she pulled away, smiling at him softly, yet it didn’t completely reach her eyes, which sparked a little sadly, but he couldn’t comment on it before she turned back around, “c’mon, aren’t you hungry? You should eat before Dr. D comes, unless you  _ really _ want a lecture or a therapy session.”

He laughed loudly at that, quickening his pace towards the dining room, “That’s definitely not something I desire.” 

As they entered, Leo’s voice was way too loud for 10 am. “ _ Finally _ , are you sleeping beauty or something?”

“Did you just call me beautiful? I’m flattered Leo,” he laughed, sitting down next to Nico, who immediately passed him the pancakes and syrup, which he took gratefully. The others laughed too, except for Annabeth, Percy noted, which brought his mood down a little. 

“Oh you’d  _ love _ for me to call you beautiful,  _ no manches, te tiraste la hueva _ ,” Leo defended, the others were still snickering. 

“ _ No me jodas _ ,  _ me quede ruco,  _ that doesn’t mean I’m lazy, if anything, blame the ADHD not me, I couldn’t fall asleep last night.” It was nice to ease into conversation like this, even if they were bickering as the others kept laughing. It made it easier for him to keep the walls standing, the dam from cracking.

“ _ Ay la neta _ , I feel you, ADHD sucks at night,  _ pero  _ anyway  _ no tengo ni la menor idea de que significa ruco _ .”

“Wait,  _ ruco _ as in  _ viejo _ ? The fuck do you mean?” Reyna interrupted, a confused smile on her face.

“ _ ¿Viejo? Ruco,  _ as in falling asleep like,  _ del sonido, cuando duermes rucas, entonces ajá quedarse ruco es quedarse dormido, ¿en serio no significa eso para ti? _ ”

“Pfft, no,  _ ruco _ means worn and useless, but like  _ con el ganado y cosas así _ , not with objects and stuff.”

“Are you for real?”

“Yeah, I’m with Rey-Rey, that definitely doesn’t mean fall asleep, I didn’t know what it meant, but I’ve heard people use  _ ruco _ with horses and stuff.”

“Damn, that’s fucking crazy.”

“What just happened?” Jason butted on the conversation, looking genuinely flabbergasted at the three teenagers.

“Ha,  _ no entienden ni mierda de que estamos hablando. _ ” Leo grinned, a stark contrast from his usual mischievous smirk.

“ _ Podríamos estar hablando del clima y no van a entender nada, _ ” Percy laughed, finding genuine joy in their current advantage, feeling the cold numbness fade away, “ _ Jamás, pero jamás, había sentido que estaba un paso adelante por estar hablando español. _ ”

“ _ Estos gringos, _ ” Reyna laughed with Percy, “ _ Sólo miren sus caras confundidas. _ ”

The three of them burst up laughing. Maybe it was childish, but Percy didn’t care. All his life, he’d been belittled and mocked for being a native Spanish-speaking person among native English-speaking people, he could have some fun from it being the other way around at that moment. Besides, he really was enjoying their confused expressions.

He was laughing so hard, he didn’t hear the engine of the car parking in the front, or the front door opening and closing. 

“Wow, rude, you started the party without me?” 

Luke’s voice rang through Percy’s head, and he immediately turned to smile at the blond boy, honest and full of life, so unlike the past few days, as he relished his moment of enjoyment. He immediately returned the smile, warm in its own accord, but he still drew his eyebrows close when he noticed only the three of them were laughing.

“Did I miss something?”

“ _ Sólo estos dos cabrones haciéndome reír con su revolú, hasta me siento abochornada, _ ” Reyna said, covering her mouth with her hand to hide her softening laugh. Percy took that as his cue to start calming himself down, but he was failing to gain his composure as started to laugh even harder.

“ _ No tengo ni pinche idea de qué dijiste en esa oración, en serio, no entendí nada más que nos llamaste cabrones _ .”

“I’m genuinely so confused right now,” Luke said as his lips fell into a pout. The look was enough to silence Percy, who had forgotten of his hilarity and felt a blush creep up his face, feeling flustered all of a sudden.

“Don’t mind them, they’ve been talking in Spanish for a while, we don’t understand a single thing they’ve said, and for all we know they could have cursed us and talked shit about us, but honestly, it’s not like we can do something about it.” Piper just shrugged, leaning back in complete ease, truly not caring about what the Latinx were talking about.

Luke just scoffed, “It sounds like we should start learning some Spanish if we don’t want them talking shit about us in our faces, right?” He walked to the table, grabbing a fistful of mixed nuts, and whispering softly to Percy. “I’m gonna go change, be right back.”

Percy only nodded, eyeing Luke carefully, trying to work out if he was okay. He’d always been clear about how he was feeling when he got back, Percy felt anxiety spark inside his chest at the lack of a signal. Before he could come up with an excuse of why he wanted to go upstairs again, Dr. D finally came in, the door sounding louder as he closed it than it did when Luke came in.

“Good morning to those I didn’t see earlier, how are you all feeling?” His question was met with different ‘fine’s and ‘alright’s, but he still squinted at them. “I’ll find out if you’re lying, you all took your meds?”

A chorus of ‘yeah’s were spoken, except for Percy, “I haven’t taken my painkillers yet.” 

“Why not? Didn’t Chiron give them to you with breakfast?”

“I woke up late, the rest were done with breakfast when I came down.”

“Are you feeling unwell? Why did you wake up late?”

There it was again. “I’m fine, I promise, I just had some trouble sleeping last night.”

He stared at Percy with calculating eyes, before nodding, “Alright, I’ll fetch them for you, where is Chiron anyway?”

“He said he had some calls to make, something about ordering something, so he’s in the office,” Annabeth spoke up at last, and Percy’s face fell, as they always did when she talked these last few days.

“Oh yeah, we’re almost out of some meds, I’ll go talk to him, I’ll bring you the meds in a moment.” He walked in the direction of the office, “oh and by the way, Thalia texted  _ me _ , for some reason, that she’s coming today after lunch, and so are your siblings, Piper and Leo.”

“Silena?” Piper asked at the same time as Leo asked “Charlie?”

Dr. D just hummed in affirmation before walking out. 

The rest of the morning and early afternoon went by smoothly. Percy took his meds, which eased his discomfort. The ankle didn’t really hurt much, but it was still a consistent ache that bothered him, so the doctors had agreed to let him take a little for two weeks, before it became a problem. 

After their light lunch, they went upstairs to rest up in the living room as they watched TV. Now that was when the slightly more uncomfortable part came, as it could be hard to keep a sprained ankle up in a safe spot where no one would injure it more, and make that position pleasant for more than half an hour. 

Excusing himself, Percy made his way to his bedroom, Luke promising he’d be there shortly, but he was deeply engaged in a game of chess with Jason, and both were too proud in that field to yield. Percy understood of course, it wasn’t like he really expected Luke to help him with everything, he had issues of his own, and Percy was able to do things by himself. That didn’t take away the fact that he desired Luke’s company so deeply. 

He sighed as he finally plopped down in his bed, carefully placing a pillow under his leg, and letting a breath he’d been holding all day. It was getting tiring inside his head, he really just needed to rest and be away from everyone in the comfort of his room. He wouldn’t dare to admit it, but it would all feel better if a pair of strong arms held him tight as he rested.

He would have most likely fallen asleep right then and there if it hadn’t been for the knock on his door, and a soft creak as whoever knocked didn’t bother to wait for an answer. 

Percy sat up quickly, his head swimming at the motion, to find himself face to face with a blonde head, but not the eyes he wanted to see… or person for that matter.

“Hey Percy, sorry to bother you, but can we talk?” Annabeth spoke softly, with a voice that clearly said it had taken a lot to make her come to his room, possibly a push from Reyna or perhaps Luke.

What could he say? No? He couldn’t just say that, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to say anything, so he settled for nodding reluctantly. 

Annabeth stepped inside the room, closing the door softly behind her, and coming to sit down on the foot of Percy’s bed after he’d moved to a more comfortable position and made room for her. 

He was strangely nervous, even if some rational part in the back of his head told him he had no reason to feel that way, he hadn’t done anything. He had to keep reminding himself that, but old habits die hard, and he’d always had a guilt complex. 

What felt like an eternity went by in awkward and uncomfortable silence, in which he subconsciously picked at his own fingers to ease his tension. It wasn’t working at all, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Annabeth looked like she found the quiet as unbearable as he did. 

He couldn’t stand it any longer.

“So-”

“I’m sorry,” she cut him off, breathing raggedly all of a sudden, staring at her fidgeting hands, “I know what I did was wrong, I know I most likely hurt you, and even though I was worried and upset, I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did, because it wasn’t your fault, and you were worried and upset too, and you were hurt as well, so I’m really really sorry I was that rough and harsh with you, you didn’t deserve that, or me being rude as fuck this last few days, especially because  _ none of it _ was  _ your _ fault, it was  _ mine _ .”

She was breathing heavily once she was done, having said everything in a very impressive breath, and Percy was too taken aback to react quickly. He wasn’t really expecting an apology or an explanation or anything but a proposal that they continue on with their lives like nothing happened, knowing by now that Annabeth was incredibly prideful. So excuse him for being too surprised to react to her slight panic. 

“And I’d honestly get it if _ you _ are mad at me, you have every right to be so, and I get it if you wanna stop being friends and all, I mean-”

“Hey,” Percy interrupted her softly, but it was all Annabeth needed to stop, “I’m not  _ mad _ at you, and I wouldn’t want to stop being your friend, no matter how, um, upset I was about what happened, I don’t want us to stop being friends just like that.”

“Oh,” Annabeth looked surprised, her posture tense, “okay, I- I didn’t want us to stop being friends either.”

Silence enveloped them again, and Percy debated whether to talk about what had bothered him or not, since that meant talking about the piece of shit former step-father he had had, and that was never something he looked forward to. Annabeth’s shoulders revealed her tension, and he knew she wasn’t going to speak next. 

“Look, Annabeth, I don’t hold what happened against you,” his voice was steady, but his shaking hands betrayed him, and he couldn’t bare to look up, “I understand why you acted like that on Saturday, we were both scared, and I get why you didn’t want to have this talk so you avoided me, I didn’t want to lose your friendship either.

“I forgive you, for whatever happened. I mean, I’d rather it doesn’t happen again, but I get it, you were terrified about what had happened to Luke and I couldn’t bring myself to cooperate, since I was pretty shocked myself, but I really don’t condemn you or anything, anyone would have reacted like that for someone they love.

“So I really don’t want you to feel guilty, but the thing is, what… you did, it reminded me of some things I don’t like remembering, someone who treated me badly, and left memories I’ve tried to forget…”

He risked a glance upwards, and found Annabeth’s alarmed wide eyes, startling in a way. By the look of her face, he could tell she hadn’t followed his input on not feeling guilty about it. With great hesitation, he reached to place his hand on top of her arm, trying to calm both of them down in a way. She didn’t flinch or recoil thankfully, so he kept her hand there.

“My- my mom’s last husband wasn’t a nice person.” He didn’t move his gaze away from hers, her grey eyes the only thing blocking the feeling of punches and kicks and slaps. He took a deep breath. “He hurt me and my mom, and you’re the third person - after my current, very loving stepfather and Luke - to know this, but you need to understand that it isn’t your fault, not what happened to me, and not your fear.

“I don’t blame you, I mean it Annabeth, there’s no way you would have been able to know about my past, although I would appreciate it if you didn’t act like that again, like I forgive you for whatever happened, but it wasn’t cool I guess. Just- just don’t do it again, or anything similar like that, and we’ll be all good.”

Percy really tried to make his point clear and still assure Annabeth that it wasn’t her fault, but he wasn’t entirely sure he’d managed that. A deep part of him wondered if he had to, after all she had hurt him, even if it wasn’t purposefully, but she had ignored him and made him feel bad afterwards. He internally shook his head at the thought.

_ You can’t be selfish like that, of course she didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Be considerate. _

_ But was she considerate…? _

“I’m truly so fucking sorry Percy,” her wobly voice brought him back to the present, and her tear-filled eyes anchored him there, “I was so insensitive, at the moment and even later, as much as I was distraught, I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did, and after I was so full of my pride I didn’t think of how much I could be hurting you, I- I’m so so so sorry.”

“I know Annabeth, and I already said it, it’s all forgiven,” he whispered with as much honesty as possible, “it wasn’t okay, but it’s behind us, and I’m willing to move forward if you are, just maybe respect those boundaries, and I promise it’ll be fine by me.”

Annabeth just stared at him, and Percy was beginning to grow concerned about her. A single tear slipped down her cheek. Soon she was crying softly but steadily, and he held her in his arms as she let it all out. He wouldn’t admit it, but a few tears made it down his face too, that dam wall threatening to break with every second, and he didn’t know how many more emotions he would be able to bottle up. 

She didn’t cry for long, and when she pushed herself off Percy’s arms her eyes and nose were still red and puffy. However the tension in her shoulders was gone almost entirely. Of course, Percy wouldn’t expect a person like Annabeth to never feel like she had to bear the weight of the sky by herself, but he wasn’t sure she could ever be convinced to lose that sense of responsibility. 

They sat in amiable quiet for a short moment. 

“You’re too good for this world Percy Jackson,” she whispered with the softest look on her face he had ever seen on her, “I don’t deserve for you to be willing to just move on after how I hurt you and how I refused to right my wrongs, and yet you are. I really am sorry about what I did, and I promise that I’ll be better. I’ve been holding on to so much pain and bitterness for years, I’ve acted so cold and uncaring, you reminded me why it’s not worth it.”

She pulled him close for a tight and warm hug.

“I’m so happy I met you, but I’m not willing to let you forgive me and be like nothing happened so fast, you’re too kind and selfless, you can be mad and unsure for as long as you need to, I must have opened an undesired wound after all. You deserve to feel hurt, and I needed to learn that I was causing harm. I’m sorry you had to go through such a bad experience with your step-father, by the way, he deserves to rot in hell for hurting you and your mom the way he did.” 

Percy felt that turmoil of feelings begin to rise again, so unwanted and wearisome, banging against the walls he’d built around himself. He  _ refused _ to let them win. He wasn’t going to give in to the force, the walls wouldn’t break down, havoc wouldn’t reign free. 

“Hey, I mean it Percy, I can’t allow you to move on from this like it’s nothing, your step-father hurt you,  _ I _ hurt you, you can’t pretend you’re alright and nothing happened, that shit is tough, it doesn't just disappear.”

“It’s fine now, that was years ago, he’s way out of our lives, and thankfully my mom met Paul, he’s truly the best, and we’re happy at last.”

Annabeth narrowed her eyes at him, and opened her mouth to say something-

“Hey, Perce, the others are being irritating, so I’m gonna rest a bit-”

Luke came to a halt so suddenly he took a step back, eyes wide as his gaze moved from Percy to Annabeth like he was watching a tennis match, before blinking at them both.

“Oh hey Annie, I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said at last, rather stiffly, walking to his closet, and ruffling around his tees before taking off his current shirt, and taking his sweet time putting on one of the shirts he usually wore to bed. He couldn’t quite read the situation going on, but Percy immediately tore off his gaze before he stared for too long, feeling his cheeks heat up. He didn’t dare look at Annabeth, but she felt her move awkwardly, as her own gaze moved towards Percy.

“Yeah, sorry, I just needed to chat a little with Percy, but it’s good, I’m gonna go rest in my own room, see you in a while,” she stood up clumsily, tripping a bit over her own feet as she walked to the door, “Thals will be coming around 4, remember to put on something a bit nicer for dinner.”

She left the room, shutting the door a little bit too quick to be considered casual. 

Luke remained standing, ruffling around his clothes, folding them as best he could. Percy kept his gaze on the floor, half because he could still feel himself blushing, and half because he couldn’t get what Annabeth had told him out of his head.

Of course he was fine, it had been years, why wouldn’t he have moved on and gotten past it? It was all in the past, and if he as much as let anything really surface, he was going to fall down a hole he wasn’t sure he could get out of. So being fine with what Gabe did was truly the best solution, right?

“Everything okay with Annabeth?” Luke said softly, coming to sit down next to him, “Did she apologize or give you a hard time? I can go talk to her if things went bad-”

“No, no, it’s fine, I promise,” he looked up, trying to shoot the blond a smile, “we just talked for a bit, she  _ did  _ apologize for what happened, and like I told her a bit about why it affected me and all, and she said she’ll work on it, like we’ll work on it.”

“Are you sure it’s fine? I mean it when I say I can talk with her-”

Percy chuckled incredulously, “And  _ I  _ mean it when I say we’re good, she said it herself, it isn’t like she would lie about that, didn’t you hear her?”

“I- I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to what she was saying…” Luke murmured softly, shaking his head, and reclining back until he was lying down with his arm over his eyes. 

“I forgot to ask, by the way, how was today? How are you feeling?”

“Just like how Annabeth wouldn’t lie about how you’re good, I wouldn’t hide from you how I’m feeling,” his tone was something Percy couldn’t completely decipher, but his breath still hitched.  _ Why the blatant difference in how they normally talk? _

“I just worry you’ll try to hide if you feel bad not to worry us.” He couldn’t keep the waver he knew Luke could recognize as his deepest concern, but he also couldn’t bring himself to mind. 

Luke did mind.

He sat back up, brows knit together, a small pout on his lips.

_ Oh dear heaven, he is so gonna be the death of me. _

Luke placed his hand on Percy’s arm, and Percy itched to just hold hands, but stopped himself. He was afraid he’d never let go if he did.

“You know I can’t hide from you, and I don’t want to either, if I feel bad I swear I’ll tell you,” maybe it was subconsciously, but Luke slid his hand down to hold Percy’s, who suddenly couldn’t breathe properly, “you’re gonna be the first to know, after Dr. D and Chiron anyway, you know I’m serious, I wouldn’t want to scare you like I did a few days ago, that can’t have been fun.”

“It wasn’t, but it also wasn’t your fault, all I want to know is that you won’t pretend you’re fine when you’re uncomfortable or in pain.”

“I’ll let you know if that happens, darling.”

Percy stilled at the nickname, blushing all over again. What was it with him and blushing over everything? 

He looked up to face Luke, maybe try to find a smart remark to reply, but once he did, he couldn’t make himself focus on anything else but those mesmerizing blue eyes. They were so tired, and they held so much fear behind them, but in that moment nothing in the universe seemed as beautiful as them. 

He found himself admiring the older boy’s face, so full of beauty and life. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to gently caress his cheeks and kiss his lips, make his eyes light up in joy and hope, and make sure he was safe from the world. 

_ Is it wrong to want this?  _ He didn’t find a single reason why, especially when he thought those eyes were looking at him with the same yearning, yet still reflected his every fear. 

_ Does he feel the same way? Am I making it all up? _

Percy held onto the other’s hand tighter, hesitantly intertwining their fingers a little, not breaking eye contact, though his gaze remained soft. 

_Could it work out?_ _Will it only-_

But the moment was broken in a second, as Luke’s eyes suddenly widened in panic, and he withdrew his hand from Percy’s, clearing his throat as he looked away. 

_ Of course _ …

Percy looked down at his own hands, deflating as his mood went from being at the highest to come settle on the lowest of the earth’s crevices.

_ I really was just making it all up in my head to make myself feel less bad about it. I should know better… _

They sat in silence for a while, Percy wallowing in self pity, not aware of Luke’s face full of regret and fear, so that he didn’t expect him to speak up.

“Do- do you mind if I lie here for a little while?” 

Percy was shocked to hear that he hadn’t repelled the person he felt closest to. He couldn’t help but smile a little. 

_ Maybe I didn’t totally imagine it, maybe it’s just not how I imagine it, but maybe… _

“Sure,” he whispered softly, “but I do need to rest my leg a bit, so maybe, we could uh move a little so it’s slightly lying in bed so I can put the pillow under.”

“Of course.”

They placed themselves in a way that they were both comfortable and Percy could keep his ankle raised on the pillow, to ease the little pain and discomfort.

But at that moment he didn’t feel pain or discomfort, lying so close to Luke he could basically feel his body heat radiating off him, almost touching hands, but not quite, and yet he felt his insides warm up at the proximity.

This would have to be enough.

He wasn’t sure how long they lied there, and he wasn’t sure if he’d been awake all the time, but when Jason knocked on the door and said through it that Thalia was on her way, he felt more rested and more alleviated than he had in days. It seemed to be a constant with Luke.

They both got up, and unlike what Percy expected, the air wasn’t tense or awkward. Their actions were hesitant, but otherwise the same. They got ready, putting on nice clothes Annabeth surely would appreciate and Luke helped Percy as they made their way downstairs, where most of the others’ voices could already be heard along with Thalia’s.

“Hey guys!” Thalia was laughing as Annabeth smiled in a fond and exasperated way, “Jason was just telling me about how you hurt your ankle! Apparently none of you thought that was important enough to tell me, like that’s something worth knowing! How do you even sprain your ankle so bad going down the stairs, you idiot?”

Percy was at a loss of words, since he couldn’t say anything without talking about Luke’s situation, and he couldn’t be sure if Luke wanted everyone to know about what happened that morning. He glanced quickly at the older boy, silently asking for a queue on what he could say, or maybe for him to take over. Fortunately, Luke knew him well enough to understand that short glance, as he put on his trademark mischievous smile and threw an arm around his shoulders.

“Oh come on Thals, you should know that accidents can happen in the weirdest ways, a single misstep can cause a sprain, surely you can remember that time in the treehouse when-”

“Of course, I know accidents can be weird and crazy, there’s no- you don’t need to remind me of anything,” Thalia was blushing madly, staring at Luke quite angrily, but she composed herself before anyone could ask anything, “it’s just a dumb sprain anyway, it’ll be fine in a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping.”

As the others finished getting downstairs and Dr. D and Chiron joined them, their conversations didn’t touch any earlier topic, an implicit agreement to leave it like that, though curiosity was high from all sides. 

Still, talking was easy, even if Percy was doing more listening than talking, since they were talking mostly about favorite Thanksgiving traditions. It was still nice to hear about their different things, just like how Nico and Hazel actually used to have really fancy dinner parties with their dad and family friends, and they had fun in the cozy events. On the other hand, Thalia and Jason never attended their father’s own fancy dinners, because they were just cold and uncomfortable. Instead, they found a way to spend the day with friends, those being Luke and Annabeth in later years. 

For Percy, who was not used to big families or anything, their Thanksgiving experiences sounded amazing and fun. 

At one point, the doorbell rang, and Piper immediately rushed to the door without even checking who it was. Soft laughs and words echoed through the entrance hallway before she came back with Silena and Charlie behind her. 

_ Did they arrive at the same time out of pure coincidence or did they come together? _

“Hey guys! It’s so nice to see you again!” Silena greeted them cheerfully, as Charlie waved at them with a big smile. Her gaze fell on Reyna, and for a moment Percy could have sworn she saw her smile turn a little sad, before she pulled herself together. “Hi, you must be Reyna, I’m Silena, Piper’s sister.”

She turned to Charlie, obviously signalling he should introduce himself, “And I’m Charlie or Beckendorf, whatever you want, I’m Leo’s brother.” 

Reyna was smiling awkwardly, staring from Piper to Silena to Leo to Charlie, before shaking her head and most likely deciding that ‘fuck it, yeah, they’re siblings’. “Hi, guys, nice to meet you too.” 

Silena’s eyes made their way to the crutches standing against the armrest of the couch, and frowning she looked over Luke, Hazel and Percy, who were sitting down on said couch. When her eyes landed on his brace, they widened in surprise.

“Percy! What happened to you? Did you break your ankle?”

“Well, no, it’s not broken, it’s just sprained, and I-”

“He lost a fight with the stairs,” Annabeth said mockingly, and Percy turned to her with a laugh.

“You’re gonna take Thalia’s side, really?”

“Hey, no arguing, and don’t say it’s just a sprain Jackson, ‘cause that ankle has some torn ligaments, and even Dr. Santamaria was surprised you felt so good walking on that.” Dr. D intervened, starting at Percy with clear discontentment.

“That’s just an exaggeration, it really isn’t that bad,” Percy shrugged mindlessly.

“You know that’s a lie, but you know what? I’m not arguing with you right now. Come on, let’s sit down on the table and enjoy the food.”

Cheers of excitement, laughs and even a ‘thank god, I’m getting hungry’ from Leo followed his words. Luke stood up from beside him, and helped him up too. 

“Is it worse than you’re playing? The pain? Are you pretending?” Luke whispered to him with concern written on his face.

“No, I promise I’m not lying,” Percy said softly, doing his best at calming the other’s worries, “the only thing the doctor said is that I have a high pain tolerance, so I should feel moderately high pain, but I don’t feel like it’s that painful, that’s all.”

Luke’s tension dropped, nodding shortly, “Alright then, come on.”

They sat down next to each other on the table, with Nico sitting on Percy’s other side. Before anyone could start a loud, long or both conversation, Chiron spoke up.

“Okay kids, so I know few of you are religious or spiritual, but I still want to take this time so say I’m thankful for all of you, because I got to know you all wonderful and brave children, and you’re all alive and relatively well. I’m just thankful I get to be here with you, because you’ve all changed my life, for the better.”

“Oh.”

“Aw!”

“Thanks Chiron, that means so much to us, I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re thankful for you and Dr. D as well, we’ve made it this far because of you,” Annabeth said softly, “at least partly.”

“I- I’m not used to celebrating Thanksgiving,” Percy said, almost interrupting Annabeth, but he had to speak before he lost the courage to, “I’ve never had much to be thankful for, but this time, I’m genuinely thankful I’m here- not here as in alive at the moment, but here, right here right now, with all of you, who I’ve come to care a lot about, I- what I’m trying to say is, you guys are all like family to me now, and I’m- I’m grateful I can say that.”

“Percy…” 

“Now don’t get too sappy on me, or I’m gonna start fucking crying-” “Thalia!” “-oh come on Dr. D I’m an adult, I can curse if I want to, but as I was saying, I really don’t feel like crying right now, because I’m not gonna fu- uh- freaking stop, but thanks Percy, we’re all family, we’re all glad you came to us, same goes to you Reyna.”

“Thanks, I- I’m just happy I got to know you, even if it hasn’t really been long, but I appreciate all of you.”

“I think we’re all thankful to be here, so let’s cheer to that, alright?” Luke said smiling fondly.

“Cheers! To being here right now!”

“And for those who aren’t with us any longer…”

The table was quiet for a moment, as the feeling of warmth and longing settled inside all of them just the same.

“Alright everyone, help yourselves,” Dr. D said, motioning for them to reach the bowls and trays of food. Obviously, everyone complied without arguments.

They served food on their plates, and Percy couldn’t stop himself from grabbing a bit of everything, as he looked around the table. 

_ Piper was right _ , he mused, _ this is warm and cozy… just like home. _

“So, guys,” Silena said as she reached to grab some potato salad, “Charlie and I wanted to tell you something,” she looked over at him, grinning and intertwining their hands, “ever since we met here when we coincidentally came around the same time, we’ve been talking a lot, and hanging together, and, well, we recently got together officially.”

“What?!”

“Aw, guys!”

“Congratulations, guys!”

“Silena! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Yeah, Charlie, you too!”

“Thanks guys,” Beckendorf said, “I guess we wanted to wait a bit before we told anyone, to make sure things work out and all, you know.”

“Oh man! Wait…” Leo stared at his plate with furrowed brows, before his eyes widened and a grin spread on his face, “Piper! If they remain together, that means we’re technically family!”

“That’s somehow the best and the worst thing ever,” Piper laughed, “but anyway! Congrats guys! I’m really happy for you two, though I won’t stop feeling bitter you didn't tell me before, S.”

They all laughed at Piper’s serious expression. She clearly wasn’t kidding. 

“Um, I guess I also have news for you guys,” Thalia said as the laughter quietened down, and the scraping of forks and knives rang around the table instead, “I’m still not sure if it’s gonna work out, but I’ll tell you anyway, might as well make use of this situation, but like, do you remember Artemis?”

“Zoe’s mom?”

“Yeah, that’s her, well,” Thalia hesitated, fumbling for words in a way Percy had never seen yet, “we’ve also texted a bit - not in the same way though! - since that time she visited, and well, I told her about how I live alone in the city, since you three, Jason, Annabeth and Luke, are here right now, and she asked me if I wanted to move up there in White Plains, with her and her other girls.”

“For real?” Annabeth said, her eyes wide with joy, filling with tears, “She wants you to move in with her?”

“Uh, basically, she said if I  _ wanted _ , she would love for me to move in with them, so that I don’t live all by myself, but I don’t know, I haven’t told her anything yet, I said I’d let her know.”

“Thalia that’s amazing news!” Jason smiled softly at her sister, “Our family wasn’t the best, our parents didn’t make family life the happiest, but this? This is your shot at finding out what having a good family is.”

“Jace, you really mean that?”

“Of course he does,” Luke replied for Jason, “you deserve your shot at happiness without taking care of anyone else, you should take her offer, Thals.”

“Oh guys-” Thalia choked on the words, “thank you, for being so supportive and- understanding I guess, I- dammit I really didn’t want to cry, but thank you, it- it means so much to me.”

“Aw, come here Thalia,” Annabeth held her arms open, and Thalia went for the hug immediately. She wouldn’t let herself cry even if it meant the world would end, but at least she could let herself feel free, and Percy was just happy Thalia could be happy too. He could relate to finally finding happiness in family, more than once in fact, and she deserved to take a break.

“This day is like 180% happier than I imagined, it better keep being like that, otherwise I’m gonna be so upset, you hear me world?” Leo told the ceiling, but Percy guessed he was just staring upwards at the world itself.

“Yeah,” Hazel said looking around the table, “we could use a streak of good luck and joy, right?”

“Definitely, but at least I already had some good luck just by getting here, I couldn’t imagine it differently, not without you all,” Reyna laughed.

“We are lucky to have met each other right?” Nico asked no one in particular

“Well, that’s one way to put it, considering  _ why _ we met each other.”

“I still see it as a win, even though we’re a little fucked up.”

“Nico!”

“Sorry! It slipped.”

Percy laughed. Looking at everyone’s smiling faces, Silena and Charlie’s intertwined hands, and Luke sitting right next to him, he couldn’t agree more with them. 

For a moment he could let himself be happy. 


	11. Colder Inside Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thick silence fell around him, as the numbness he’d been feeling too much lately returns. He could see the others speaking, moving their mouths as not a sound reached Percy’s ears. That would have worried him under other circumstances, but he’s blank, nothing. Nothingness feels nice when the other alternative is panic.  
> .  
> "Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder inside your head than the winter of dead."

"Am I screaming to an empty sky?

Empty sky, no way, that's me cause one half of my heart is free

Empty sky, no way, that's me, cause the other half of my heart's asleep"

twenty one pilots,  _ Anathema  _

**Chapter 11: Colder Inside Your Head**

The warm joy and feeling of good luck didn’t last wasn’t long-lasting, nearly as much as Percy had hoped for.

Perhaps it had been unfair to ask that of the universe, considering they were all sick kids, and perhaps it wasn’t smart of himself to let himself be happy. But he couldn’t help but hang on to the blissfulness and hopefulness. 

Now he was regretting falling to that false sense of safety. 

As the days grew even colder, the skies turned white, as the snow began falling in Long Island. The warmth inside his chest started to die down as winter drew nearer and December was just around the corner. 

It was terrifying, the speed at which time went by, and the weight Percy had learned to take off his shoulders came back all at once as he realized almost three months had flown by, and his counted days became less and less. He couldn’t tell if the pressure on his chest was purely made up of anxiety or something worse, but he was too afraid to bring it up, and only hoped it was the former.

He knew his mood was darker around this time of the year. His mom said it was seasonal, but this time it seemed even farther down the hole. He felt more hopeless than usual. 

The blade that remained hidden painfully haunted him, yelled for him to take the habit back up. His own head longed for the familiar sting. The only thing stopping him was the thought of his mother, the fear of breaking his promise to her. 

Things only turned worse the afternoon Reyna couldn’t make Annabeth get up from bed after she went to rest for a bit. Her skin was burning with fever, she could barely keep her eyes open, and she had somehow managed to keep it hidden from everyone for two days in the hopes that it wasn’t another infection. 

Percy himself had spent so much time with her and hadn’t once realized she was sick again. Guilt ate at him despite Luke’s attempts to keep him sane and stable. Still, as she lay in the sick bay, with an IV connected to her wrist giving her antibiotics and fluids, he could just think that he should have known she wasn’t feeling good.

December came in a flurry of snow, and he didn’t know how much time he would be able to handle the cold sting inside his chest. At this point, Luke’s smiles were the only thing that warmed him up, and gave him enough energy to pretend not to be a sad mess.

And fuck his ankle still in that damned brace, still not healed and still making him feel more useless than before the sprain.

Those warm hands were the ones that prevented him from sleeping in a couple days into the month, a day a couple of shades darker than usual. 

“Hey, Percy, psst, Percy,” he whispered softly, “I’m leaving for therapy right now.” 

Now that got his attention immediately, as he turned around and sat up at once, staring into the blue eyes he’d grown so fond of and realized looked even bluer in the white of winter. 

“What do you mean right now? I’m going with you, today’s a day I go with you, isn’t it?”

“Well yeah,” he fidgeted with the sleeve of his jacket, “I’m sorry, but Dr. D said you shouldn’t come with this weather, ‘cause you can get bad in the cold, and that’s  _ definitely _ something we don’t want happening.”

“You don’t want me to come?” he couldn’t help the sadness in his voice, but he couldn’t care less about it.

Luke sighed softly, “Of course I want you to come, you’re the best company, but… I really don’t want you to get sick, one of us is enough.” 

“I won’t get sick, like my heart isn’t affected by the cold, how will going with you make me feel bad?” Percy tried to feign ignorance, but he knew better than to expect Luke to fall for it. Instead, he rolled his eyes softly, and sat down on the bed, grabbing Percy’s cold hands with his warm ones. 

“C’mon Percy, you know I know if you get sick, especially from a cold or something like that that can develop into something worse, your blood pressure can lower, and good things can’t follow from that.”

Luke’s eyes held so much fond worry, Percy’s heart clenched. He didn’t say anything, just exhaled deeply, but Luke understood his silence was worth more than words. The blond boy just smiled at him and got up, kissing one of his hands as he did. An almost burning warmth blossomed, and he just stared at the other with wide eyes.

“I’ll be right back, don’t worry, but don’t go back to bed, go downstairs, would you?” 

Percy didn’t get a chance to reply before he left, still dumbfounded and  _ burning _ from the touch of Luke’s lips. He felt way too many things at once, and all that left him feeling floaty, like his mind couldn’t choose a feeling to settle on. Idly, he wondered if that’s what being high felt like. 

_ He kissed my hand _ .

A laugh came out as a huff, as he smiled softly. 

_ Was this warmth enough to melt down the cold inside? _

_ … no, but can it be? _

He stood up on wobbly legs. He blamed the sprained ankle, but once he was out of the comfort of his bed, the world seemed bleeker and much chiller than what it had been the day before. Bitterly, he reached for the crutches, even though he was more than capable to walk, keeping more weight than necessary off his foot would quicken the speed in which it healed. Being uncomfortable using the stupid crutches would pay off when his ankle got better.

He stood staring at the door for a couple of seconds, actually considering if it was worth it to go outside or it was better to just go back to bed and sleep some more. There was the other alternative to ease the numbness he was feeling, but that was out of question, so he grabbed his clothes out of his closet, ignoring the dreaded hoodie as best he could.

Someone was using the shower when he finally made himself walk towards the bathroom, which he found highkey annoying. He walked back to his room, leaving the door open to see when the person inside left, and to make sure anyone who came to shower knew he came first.

Finally, he heard the creak of the bathroom door, and stood up again, brace now wrapped in the waterproof protector. 

Percy walked to find himself face to face with Nico, who honestly, could have looked a lot better. He had bags under his tired eyes, and he was shaking his head, as he crossed his arms over his chest in a way that seemed like he was holding himself not to fall apart. Worry sparked deep inside Percy’s chest. 

_ Please, not again. _

“Hey, Nico,” he whispered softly, and the younger boy looked up with a frown, “how are you feeling? You look a bit tired.”

“Yeah, I- I didn’t sleep well,” he faltered, absentmindedly fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, “but I’m fine though.”

“Are you sure? You really don’t look well.”

“I’m fine Percy,” he snapped and tried to glare at Percy, but there was no force behind the stare, and he found that more disconcerting.

“Alright, if you say so, hey is Jason still in your room?”

“I think so, he was still there when I left… I think.”

“Cool, cool, I just wanted to ask him something.” 

Putting showering on hold, Percy walked with Nico to his and Jason’s room, keeping a close eye on him. Nico didn’t even bother knocking, he just opened the door and left him to it, making his way around the corner. Percy was tempted to follow, but thought it was better to talk with Jason first.

Luckily, Jason was already awake, as if anything else could be expected, and he had looked away from his phone to stare questioningly at Percy, sitting up on his bed.

“Hey bro, what’s up?”

“Hey, I’m sorry, but have you noticed Nico acting weird today?”

Jason frowned, creasing his eyebrows together, “Nico? No, I barely saw him this morning. He got up really early, I figured he couldn’t sleep, so I went outside and he was playing games on his phone laying down on one of the couches, but I didn’t see him acting differently, neither when he came to get his stuff to go shower.”

“Oh,” Percy was taken aback, he was so sure there was something wrong with Nico, “I just saw him looking so tired, and honestly he looked so confused and anxious, I was afraid it was going to be like last time.”

“Really?” Jason sat up straighter, his shoulders tensing a little, “Honestly, if you say he doesn’t look good, I don’t doubt you, and it’s not like he would say if he was feeling bad.”

“I know, it’s not like him to ask for help, that’s why I wanted to ask you if you can keep an eye on him while I shower, I’m not gonna take long.”

“‘course, I’m worried now too, it’s not like his attacks give much sign anyway, and I know if something happens it’ll be sudden, let me just brush my teeth.”

“Yea, it’s fine, thanks dude.”

Jason brushed his teeth and left the bathroom looking for Nico. Percy was in no means less worried, but knowing that Jason was going to look after him and make sure he was okay, made him feel slightly better. 

The warm water melted away some of the frost around him, and it made him feel safer somehow. Something about the water always made him feel like he was safe. It felt like he belonged there. But showers can only last for so long.

After getting dressed and putting on a long-sleeved shirt, he walked out of the bathroom to the sound of chaos coming from downstairs.

The feeling of safety went flying out the window before he could blink. 

He rushed down the hallway and down the stairs as fast as he could while having a brace for a sprained ankle, and pain shot up his leg, but he didn’t care at all. 

Something was wrong, and he needed to know what. 

_ Something was very fucking wrong. _

Someone was on the floor, while the others stood in a loose circle in different states of anxiety. Percy didn’t have eyes for them, only for the dark haired boy laying on his side, trembling slightly, eyes clamped shut, and the doctor kneeled next to him as he walked towards them.

The worst was over, but it still wasn’t good news. 

Percy could hear barely restrained sobs and demands to know how he was doing, what was wrong, why so little time between seizures. But his attention was still solely on the two persons.

“I can’t tell you why the time between seizures was shorter this time Annabeth, we would have to make a full checkup on his brain, but I think it’s worth looking into,” Chiron looked around at them, “He’s fine now, but I think we should call Apollo, and let Dr. D and Nico’s father know what happened.” 

As Percy’s eyes glanced around the circle, he caught sight of Hazel, the one who was trying to restrain her cries, with her arms around her torso, holding herself together just like Nico had just moments ago. Percy walked towards her, and opened his arms to her. She didn’t hesitate in hugging him, and he didn’t hesitate in holding her, an urge to keep her safe from the stress she was feeling. 

She didn’t sob, she didn’t cry loudly. He could feel tears dampening his shirt, but Hazel wasn’t taking refuge in the embrace, instead she was getting herself together. It wasn’t exactly the best thing to do when she was obviously distressed, but he just held her as best he could with crutches, still watching Nico closely.

“Jason, would you carry him to the infirmary? Thank you. Annabeth, sit outside for a moment, the IV is movable anyway. That's it, my boy. I’m just gonna make the calls real quick and I’ll go check up on his vitals.”

Percy could see the pang of hurt in Jason’s eyes, and he could understand it. Nico looked so small and pale, Percy didn’t remember him looking like this the first time. 

He shouldn’t have left him alone. He knew something was wrong. He knew Nico didn’t look okay.  _ He wasn’t okay _ . There must have been a way to prevent it. If only he’d been there, maybe he could have done something. Now Jason also felt guilty. He’d made Jason feel worse.

“¿ _ Qué pasó _ ?” he asked Reyna softly, purposely talking in Spanish so Hazel wouldn’t get upset, “ _ No se veía bien arriba, pensé que algo podría estar mal, pero esperaba que no fuera a pasar nada malo. _ ”

“ _ No estoy del todo segura, _ ” she shook her head, and Percy noticed Annabeth watching them closely, “ _ Estaba con Annie cuando escuche que  _ Hazel _ gritó y  _ Jason _ estaba hablando así todo preocupado, cuando salí ya estaba en el suelo. _ ”

“ _ ¿Fue muy malo? _ ”

“ _ No te sabría decir, Percy,  _ I mean, _ no estaba la última vez para saber si fue mejor o peor, pero para mí no fue tostón, no lo vi muy bien. _ ”

“Hey Hazel, he’s fine, he’s gonna be alright,” Piper walked towards the girl still wrapped in Percy’s arms, at the same time as Jason closed the door softly behind him, sniffing softly, “you know he’ll be good as new with a little time.”

Hazel pushed Percy a little so he let go of her, and he did even though he wanted nothing more than comforting her at the moment.

“But this time it looked worse Pipes, you all saw how pale he looked after,” she faltered, breathing sharply, “what if something’s wrong this time? He suffered a pretty bad injury to his head when they got in that accident, that’s why he has these seizures, what if something got worse?”

“You can’t tell if this time was worse Hazel, I mean, only scans and tests can tell you that, for all we know he was feeling sick, and that added to the seizure’s making him feel weaker than usual.”

“I can  _ feel _ like something’s not right, I don’t know how but I just do- I- I don’t-”

“It’s okay, breathe, Hazel, just take deep breaths.”

It had taken a while, sitting down with Piper and Annabeth ushering soft words of comfort and a cup of tea for her to calm down and be hopeful that Nico would be fine. In the meantime, Chiron had already left his office, shortly telling them that both Dr. Apollo and Nico’s dad were on their way, and Dr. D and Luke would be back as soon as possible. He’d disappeared in the medbay just after, and hadn’t come out yet.

“It’s a good thing dad got an apartment in Manhattan, ‘cause otherwise it would take him a long time to come from Maine.”

Percy saw the opportunity to distract Hazel, and he took it.

“You guys live in Maine?”

“Yeah, dad’s a lawyer, and he used to travel a lot, we used to live in Cali, then Alaska, then back to Cali, and finally we moved to Maine. He retired to an easier life I guess, and he only works in this northeast area, so we’ve lived there for three years or so. But I mean, when Nico got sick, and he came here, we got an apartment in NYC, so it’d be easier to visit him and all. Then bam, I got sick too, and here I am too. He stayed in NYC for our sake.”

“Wow, you’ve lived at many different places.”

“Oh, I was born and lived in New Orleans with my mom too, before I moved in with my dad.”

“I feel like that’s a whole lot of personal story there, but I’m pretty sure it’s not something you enjoy talking about, so I won’t ask.”

Hazel chuckled humorlessly, “Yeah, not really, maybe another day.”

“That’s fine, you don’t have to, but still I feel like that’s a record for most amount of places you’ve lived in.”

It was a way to distract everyone, as each tried to ‘beat’ that record. It turns out none of them really ‘beat’ five places where they had lived at one point of their life, considering city and state anyway.

“So it sucks, I’m at 3, Pipes and Reyna are at 4, Leo?”

“Does it count that I lived in different foster homes for several years?”

“Not if that was in the same city, dude.”

“Damn, I would have beat all of you  _ easily _ , that leaves me at 4 too.”

“I’ve only lived in 2 places? I really have lived in Cali all my life, and moved her to NYC a couple years ago.”

“Well, bro, I’ve got it worse, I’ve lived  _ here _ in New York all my life, being born somewhere else doesn’t count.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure Nico beats us, ‘cause he lived in Italy when he was a kid, moved to DC, I’m sure he lived in Vegas at some point, Cali with me and dad, then Maine, and finally here in New York, so technically he wins.”

“Aw man!”

“What about Luke?”

“Pretty sure he lived in Connecticut, and then moved here, but I’m not a hundred percent certain.”

“Nico wins then.”

“He better beat this shit then, ‘cause he has to know he wins against all of us.”

The slightly better mood became somber in the millisecond that the words settled down, and Percy wondered if it felt as heavy for the others as it pressed down on his lungs. He couldn’t let himself think too much if he wanted to avoid himself spiraling into the raging depression trying to catch up to him.

He couldn’t help the sting he feels at the thought of Nico suffering, which happened to be happening at the moment, and even according to Hazel, who’s been with him the most, this time it was worse than before.

It was an unspoken rule of sorts in his book. He doesn’t really care if the others feel the same way, but he’s almost certain they do. Even in the short time he’s been here, Percy has a softer spot for the siblings, it must be that Nico and Hazel are the youngest of them all, but incredibly overwhelming protectiveness surge through his body whenever something happens to either of them, and while with Hazel it’s only been once or twice, Nico worries him far more.

That and the fact that head trauma is among the most dangerous injuries.

Thick silence fell around him, as the numbness he’d been feeling too much lately returns. He could see the others speaking, moving their mouths as not a sound reached Percy’s ears. That would have worried him under other circumstances, but he’s blank, nothing. Nothingness feels nice when the other alternative is panic.

He sat in silence, slowly eating an orange someone passed him a while ago, nibbling slice after slice thoughtlessly. He didn’t know how much time had gone by since Chiron came out of the infirmary and let them know that Nico was good for the moment, stable and just a little dazed, but he’d still keep watch over him. Hazel didn’t have to say a word as she walked past him and most likely sat down with him and held his hand in the warm way only Hazel could. Chiron didn’t have any objections, but he still frowned sadly, turning around and shutting the door close behind him. 

He still had half the orange in his palm. Taking a look at it, he couldn’t be sure that he held an orange. While he ate it, he didn’t really pay attention to how it tasted, but it’s definitely redder than a regular orange. He found the idea of coming up with possible things the not-orange could be, far more entertaining than thinking about anything else. 

The color… the red… it made him long for the distraction he’s known makes everything clearer.... 

But would it be worth it?

_ Probably _ ,  _ but let’s not find out _ .

_ Grapefruit… hm no I remember those are bigger… blood orange? Honestly never had one of those… _

He jumped as the front door slammed open, hitting the wall with enough force to rattle the pictures hanging from nails. He sat curled up in a bean bag as comfortably as possible in the corner, with 0 view of the door, but he didn’t even try to see who came in so abruptly.

Tears well up in his eyes for some reason as Luke’s concerned face comes into view, soon followed by a frantic Dr. D. 

“Hey kids, how are you holding up?” Dr. D said with far more steadiness than his posture would imply. 

“Eh, we’re hanging in there, we’re obviously worried, but we’re just waiting y’know.”

“Yeah, there’s not much we can do either, but wait to see how he’s doing after some time. I take it Hazel and Chiron are in there?”

“Yeah, Chiron said he’s stable and all, but still… Hazel’s in there, well, being Hazel.”

Dr. D smiled, though it looked pained, “I bet she is, I’m gonna go see- Luke try and drink some water, I’ll be right back.”

Luke nodded to him, before walking to the kitchen. Percy fell back into the habit of taking in every detail. Even through his foggy head, he needed to make sure Luke was alright. He couldn’t be sure about that for once; Luke seemed a little paler, the most minuscule strain in his face that indicated his discomfort. He kept on wishing he could catch Luke’s eyes, but he didn’t look his way, just headed straight to the kitchen. 

Perhaps on another occasion, he would have followed him to make sure he was okay. He hadn’t even said hi. But there was no way he would have found an ounce of strength to stand up at the moment, even if he wanted to. 

( _ He wants to, he really wants to. But he can’t. Why can’t he just get up? What if he’s not okay? _ )

Luckily, Luke has grown to know Percy as much as Percy has grown to know Luke. 

He came out of the kitchen looking better, his skin had a little more color, and he wasn’t carrying so much tension on his shoulders anymore. 

“Hey guys, without having to lie to Dr. D, how are you really hanging out?” Luke asked softly, more a whisper than anything, gnawing on his lower lip.

“It sucks dude,” Jason said softly, “it was really bad this time, I- I can’t remember it ever being this bad.”

“This is the worst part though, not being able to do anything to help, and we barely know how  _ he’s _ doing,” Annabeth said, not bothering to lift her head from Reyna’s shoulder, “it’s just nerve-racking, and all we can do is wait for Apollo.”

“How are you feeling by the way, Annie?” Luke sat on the arm of the couch where she was, frowning at the IV in her arm.

“Will you ever stop calling me  _ that _ , Jesus, can’t you get it that I don’t  _ like it _ ?”

“Sorry, sorry, force of habit,” he put his hands up in surrender, chuckling, before fixing her with a serious look “but for real, how are you?”

Percy hadn’t really paid attention to Annabeth, despite the IV standing tall next to her, but now that he focused on her he noticed her flushed cheeks and the strain in her features. He may have forgotten, but Annabeth was still ill, and she should have been resting.

She shrugged, “Better, still a little achy and tired, but the antibiotics are doing their work just fine.”

“Good, so-”

His focus was short-lived, fog clouding him again. He couldn’t really concentrate on anything, it was all so much, it all became a single mush, heavy and uncomfortable, but thankfully easy to ignore. 

Staring at his hands, he still had the orange (blood orange? grapefruit?) to finish. Even in his haze, he knew he would get hell if he didn’t even manage to eat a simple fruit. 

A small part of his mind told him he would get hell anyway because he was pretty sure he hadn’t taken his meds, so why bother eating when Dr. D would get mad anyway?

_ Well, it would be worse if you didn’t eat anything _ .

He tore another slice, and ate it in a single bite. It was better to just get it over with. Maybe eating would make it easier… even if he didn’t know what ‘it’ was.

“Hey Perce,” a voice startled him right next to him, soon followed by a hand on his arm. He couldn’t help but jump a little, as goosebumps rose all over his skin and he drew a sharp breath. “Oh, sorry! I- I didn’t mean to frighten you, I just- you don’t look too good.”

He blinked a few times, shaking his head and willing his entire body to just chill the fuck out. He turned to Luke, and gathering strength from every cell in his body, he smiled as best he could. 

“What- what do you mean? I’m alright,” he studied Luke’s face, watching as his blue eyes scrunched up in concern, “I mean, obviously I’m worried as fuck, but- I’m as good as I can be right now.”

He was aware of how soft and unsure his voice sounded, but he had to keep some sort of posture, a guise that he wasn’t on the brink of a depressive episode after a long time of being fine, and pretend that that didn’t scare him at all. 

Could he blame it on the weather?  _ Was it _ seasonal?

“Are you sure, Percy? I’ve seen you worried, but… I don’t know, you seem withdrawn.”

“I’m fine, I promise, but what about you? You looked a bit pale earlier, how did today go?”

“I know you’re changing the subject-”

“C’mon I’ve been worried about how therapy has been going since day one.”

“Fine,” Luke sighed, dropping his hand from Percy’s arm and rubbing at his own, “it’s going as expected after almost two weeks, I mean, I just felt a little dizzy and nauseous, but I’m better now.”

“Do you want to go rest upstairs? There’s no problem if you do.”

“No, no, it’ll pass in a moment, but… are you sure you’re alright?”

It was Percy’s turn to sigh, “Yes Luke, I’m just worried for Nico and Annabeth and you, and I don’t know, I can’t help but zone out sometimes.”

The lie was so well said that Percy had a hard time not believing himself. It was perfectly acceptable to be worried about your friends and zoning out a little. Luke seemed to agree, if the softening of his features and the drop of his shoulders meant anything. 

Before he could say anything, the doorbell rang. 

“It must be Dr. Apollo or Nico’s dad,” Jason said, getting up from his seat, only taking a few steps before Dr. D came out from the infirmary, motioning for Jason to sit back down and getting the door himself. 

Percy’s heart was back to beating faster than it should have, taking everything into consideration, given his interest. All the way from where he sat he was able to distinguish the optimistic voice of his main doctor.

“Ah, Dionysus, how’s Nico doing?” Dr. Apollo said, making his way into the living room, not waiting for Dr. D’s own reply. If Percy didn’t know better, he would say Dr. Apollo’s voice was its usual chill and bright, but he could tell when the doctor was tense, after all the years of being under his care. “Hades just texted me saying he’s only a few minutes away, but I still wanna get right to Nico, he can meet us inside- hi guys, I hope you’re all okay, that must have been tough to watch, but don’t worry, Nico’s going to be just fine, what with so many outstanding doctors caring for him.”

“Come in, by the way, I’ve been meaning to ask what you think of something Mr. Dellamorte mentioned to me the other day-”

The door closed behind the pair, to which followed thick silence among them. Percy was absolutely done with the tense stillness, he felt itchy from it, he wanted to scratch at his arms until they were red, or something entirely different to take away the sensations under his skin. His promises were too close to being thrown out the window for comfort, only guilt stopped him. Well, guilt and Luke’s hand appearing on his arm again. 

“Hey, look at me,” Luke said, and he raised his head to meet his eyes, “Nico’s going to be okay, we’re all gonna be okay.” 

Percy couldn’t bring himself to argue. They didn’t know anything about getting better and everything being okay, the future was uncertain. Either way, he nodded, not finding in himself the energy to give him an answer. He knew he didn’t reflect even fake confidence in Luke’s words, but to be fair he wasn’t even trying, and the blond boy knew him well enough to get the state of his mind at that moment. 

With no hesitation, Luke moved his bean bag so that they were exactly next to each other with no space between the beans, and they were so close Percy could bet Luke could hear his anxious heartbeat. He didn’t say another word as they sat practically pressed to each other, he only opened his arms slightly, a sad smile on his face.

Percy wasn’t even sure he was getting what Luke meant, but the opportunity was right there and then, and in the turmoil that he was, he needed -  _ craved  _ \- the comfort that being close to Luke often brought. Before his anxiety got the best of him and he shamed himself out of the situation, he leaned towards Luke, pressing himself to his side and laying his head on Luke's shoulder. He immediately felt the  _ warmth _ that he’d grown used to lately, as Luke put a comforting arm around his shoulders, and he let out a strained breath at the relief in his chest, letting his eyes fall closed. 

He couldn’t even be embarrassed because of how at ease he felt. Feeling made its way into his being again, and although that brought the pain in his ankle, which was throbbing a little after rushing down the stairs on it  _ again _ . 

Only a few silent minutes passed before the doorbell rang again, and this time both Dr. D and Chiron went to get the door together. They were all apprehensive, an adult that they didn’t know was just coming in a moment where they were all vulnerable messes, even if said adult had a child of his own to be more worried about. 

“Hades, it’s been a while, though I wish the circumstances were different,” Dr. D said at the front door, in a tone Percy had never heard before, respect and politeness mixed with doubt, “Come on in, Apollo is with Nico and Hazel.”

“Dionysus, Chiron, did you and Apollo talk about what I told you the other day? I’ve looked into Dr. Miller’s research and results, and I’m confident he can carry on the procedure so this can finally be a thing of the past.”

“Why don’t we talk about it more privately?” Chiron said as they made their way into the living room, “Kids, I hope you remember Mr. Dellamorte, Nico and Hazel’s father.”

“Hi.” “Good morning, sir.” “Hello.”

“Hello to you all, now can we please discuss what we can do regarding Nico?”

“Of course, Nico’s in here.”

They disappeared behind the door to the infirmary, leaving them all buzzin and tense. None of them spoke, but fucking hell Percy wished he was back to not feeling a thing, because this was almost too much, and he was actually so close to walk outside barefoot and with only his current clothes on so that the bitter cold of the snow made it all numb.

Technically speaking, he could, but he would be in for a therapy session for sure and he certainly didn’t want that. Sighing, he turned his face into Luke’s shoulder, letting his hair cover his face partly. Well, he needed a haircut.

“Excuse me, but am I the only one curious as to what this ‘procedure so this can be a thing of the past’ is?” And the tension was broken as if it wasn’t there to begin with. 

“Of course not, Leo,” that was Piper, sounding rather condescending, “trust me when I say that part caught all of our attention.”

“Do you think he can do it?” Percy whispered softly before he could stop himself, “You think there’s something that can really make his seizures disappear? He can be free from this shit for good?”

He was met with more silence, fragile and sharp enough to sting. 

“I mean, most people with epilepsy are controlled with medication only, and surgery is only considered when it becomes impossible for the person to live a normal life, because well, brain surgery is complicated,” Annabeth’s discomfort was notable from the waver in her voice, but she didn’t stop there, “but if Nico’s father has found a neurosurgeon that can remove the focal point where his seizures originate and ensure it will have minimal cognitive or neurologic effects, it might be worth considering.”

“How do you even know that?” Reyna asked, and peeking at her, Percy saw her help Annabeth into a more comfortable position. Annabeth only shrugged.

“Research, I like knowing as much as I can about everyone’s condition.”

Percy eyed her worriedly, and even if he felt like shit himself, she felt more important to him. 

To their surprise, the door to the infirmary opened again, and a puffy eyed Hazel stepped out followed by Dr. D and Apollo. Piper stood up in a second, and met Hazel with a big hug, while the doctors slipped to the office. Percy was able to hear the words ‘call’ ‘ talk’ ‘Miller’, but he was more focused on Hazel now. 

She was crying softly, tears quietly making their way down her cheeks, but it looked like she was just now calming down slightly. Her breathing was coming in short controlled puffs, and in general she just looked exhausted. 

All of Percy’s own exhaustion could not matter less to him, as he forced himself to stand up on shaky legs and limp his way to Hazel’s side still in Piper’s arms, crutches long forgotten. Hazel looked up at him, and her composure fell a little, more tears welling up in her eyes, but not falling.

“He’s awake and conscious right now,” she whispered hoarsely, voice so broken it shattered Percy’s already broken heart, “dad’s talking to him about this surgeon that could help him, but I’m so scared- Nico’s barely aware and dad’s scared for him obviously but what if- brain surgery is so complicated- what if I- I  _ can’t _ lose  _ him _ .”

The tears fell harder than before, and Percy hugged her awkwardly as she was still somewhat clinging to Piper. 

“You won’t lose him, Hazel,” he whispered back, noting the roughness of his own voice, and meeting Piper’s concerned, tear filled eyes for a second, “we won’t lose Nico, alright? He still has so much to fight for, and besides we can’t be sure of all the implications right? But don’t worry Hazel, Nico’s too strong, he will make it.”

“Zoe didn’t.”

Percy’s breath hitched, ice wrapping around his heart, and thankfully Piper spoke next, because he’s not sure he could have been able to, “Nico is not the same, Zoe- she knew she wouldn’t make it, and I’m not sure she wanted to… But Nico does, because he looks forward to the future, right? Nico won’t stop fighting, especially because of you.”

Hazel looked up at Piper and then at Percy, who was trying his best to school his expression into one of assurance. Her tears were slowing down, and her eyes twinkled with hopefulness, Piper’s words calming down her fears in the way only Piper could. She nodded faintly, casting her gaze towards her shoes again, and removing herself from their arms. 

She opened her mouth about to say something, when a knock on the door surprised them, making Percy wince as she held onto his arm. 

From the living room, Luke spoke, “We’re not expecting anyone else, are we?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

Percy gently removed Hazel’s hand, and casted a look at the others, who all wore impressions of confusion. Seeing as no one attempted to get the door, or any of the adults seemed to have heard the knock in the first place, he shrugged, and started half-limping half-jumping to answer. He was the closest to the door anyway.

“Fucking hell, Percy!” he heard Luke exclaim as he caught up with him holding his crutches, “Not only do we not know if a fucking robber or killer is at the door, you’re not even using these.”

“It’s not too far,” he grumbled, reluctantly grabbing the damned crutches, “I figured it wouldn’t matter, I’m sick of these.”

“Yeah well, only one or two weeks at most and you’re done with them, just hang on ‘til then.”

They knocked on the office door as they passed, and maybe they would have waited if Percy wasn’t one impatient bitch. 

“Dr. D! There’s someone at the door!” he shouted before throwing the door open without a care in the world. “Hello-”

As his eyes fell on the stern face of the man in front of him, his carefree attitude dropped, and he actually took a step back, bumping into Luke, who immediately sensed his unease and placed a hand on his arm. Not even his comforting touch could stop the jolt that went up his spine as his gaze took in the steely blue eyes, too cold and hard, and the perfect pristine grey suit the man wore. He couldn’t point why, but the man simply made him feel agitated, even if he had made no move to speak or even greet them.

“Guys we’re a bit occupied right now- oh.” Dr. Apollo stepped out of the office, his brows creasing and a confused smile gracing his lips, “I didn’t think you were for real- Dionysus, there  _ is _ someone at the door.” 

Dr. Apollo stepped in front of them, and they took that as their cue to take some steps back. “Hello, good morning, I’m Dr. Apollo, I look after some of the kids here, I assume you are at the right place?”

“This is Delphi House, is it not?”

Percy knew Apollo well enough after the years, and knew when he was behaving in a ‘I am  _ not _ liking you but I have to be polite’ way. “Of course! Do you happen to know one of the kids or-”

“Mr. Olympia, it is nice to finally meet you in person,” Dr. D walked out too, past Percy and Luke with only a glance, “I didn’t know we’d be expecting you today.”

“Ah, Dr. Dionysus, I didn’t know I had to ask to see if I could come visit my son.” 

Percy’s eyes widened. Who had to bear  _ this _ man as a father? Smelly Gabe may have hit him and he may know about physical abuse the most, but Percy sensed this man was just as bad in terms of abuse, even if it was in another form. He wouldn’t wish anyone to have to stand him, much less any of his friends. Suddenly he was much more alert.

He could hear the stiffness in Dr. D’s voice. He wasn’t a person who took other’s bullshit. “It’s not mandatory, he is  _ your  _ son after all, but it’s nice to be prepared, we’re having a bustling morning today.”

“It won’t matter, I only wish to speak to my son for a moment about something important, it won’t take long.” 

Dr. D inclined his head hesitantly, “Of course, Jason is in the living room along with the others, come inside.”

_ Jason _ . 

No. Not Jason. Not one of them deserved to have this man as a father. He had met him only for a few minutes and he already despised him. 

As soon as they came into the view of the others, Percy locked his gaze on Jason, whose eyes widened before he hastily stood up, almost tripping with his own feet. Everyone was obviously taken aback by his reaction, Percy could see their concerned and confused expressions from his periphery, as his eyes stayed on Jason. He realized Annabeth was the only one who didn’t react, besides a small frown, but that would be for later. 

Not unlike him, Jason didn’t take his eyes away from the man, but they shone with nervousness, and he bit on his lower lip. 

“Father, it’s been a long time, huh?” Despite how he oozed anxiety if you knew him even a little, Jason’s voice was firm and steady, “How have you been? What brings you here on this nice morning?”

If Percy didn’t know better, he’d say he sensed sarcasm and bitterness in his tone, but he truly couldn’t picture Jason Grace actively choosing to behave bitter and sarcastic. It just went to show he didn’t fully know all of his friends as much as he did. 

“I simply came to talk to you about some important matters.”

Jason’s worry shattered in a second, mood doing a 180, eyes gaining enough intensity to somewhat glare at his father, “Actually, I’m dealing with much more important matters at the moment, my friends are sick and they need me.” 

“Cut the attitude, Jason,” he snapped, but he gained his composure and remained stoic, “I understand you need to be here for your  _ friends,  _ I won’t take much time.”

Jason’s glare lost its fire, replaced by curiosity. He crossed his arms as he turned to look behind him, staring at the slowly falling snow, “We can talk outside then, that way it actually won’t take long.”

Without another word, Jason turned around and his father followed him, still expressionless. Percy couldn’t help the protectiveness even if it was more than clear Jason was more than capable to deal with him. Still, he wondered… a man like that wouldn’t bother to appear unless it was something really important, did Jason think the same thing? 

“Um, what just happened?” Hazel asked quietly, tears long dried, and sadness temporarily put aside. 

“Jason doesn’t have the best relationship with his dad,” Annabeth sighed, shaking her head, “Let’s just say Mr. Olympia isn’t the most caring father, a faithful husband, or just empathetic of humans in general to be honest.”

Luke snorted, “That’s a way to say it, that man is cold as hell.”

“Now, now, stop talking about the man like that,” Dr. D told them disapprovingly, “you still have to respect him.”

Leo raised both hands in a placating manner, “I mean, I’d obviously never met him, but from what Jason had told me, he doesn’t really deserve-”

“I’m stopping you right there,” Dr. D ran a hand down his face, muttering under his breath, “Lord, it’s too early for this, I need more patience, or a good drink for that matter- Apollo, see if Hades and Nico have been able to talk or not, I’ll be right there.”

“Fuck this has been a morning,” Piper whispered, leading Hazel to sit down with her, “I’d take Dr. D on that drink.”

“Piper you can’t even drink.”

“That wouldn’t stop me.”

“What- what’s Jason’s father even doing here, though?” Percy said softly, letting Luke help him towards a seat. 

“I don’ know, the man is a mystery, I’ve known Jason and Thalia for a long time and I still can’t figure their father out,” Annabeth said still frowning, “I’ve never like him.”

He turned to look at Jason, who was listening to what his father had to say with a mask of indifference, even if his shoulders were tense. 

“Yeah, I can see why you don’t like him, he doesn’t seem trustworthy.”

The door to the infirmary opened, and they all turned their heads expectantly, Hazel jumping to her feet. To their delight, a very exhausted-looking Nico came walking out, leaning most of his weight on his father, but still standing. Hazel rushed to hug him, and he relaxed against her, huggin back weakly.

“Nico! We’re so glad you’re okay!”

“You had us so worried, man, it’s good to see you up.” 

He only threw them a feeble smile, and looked up to his dad, nodding. The man straightened his shoulders.

“Nico has decided to give the surgery a shot.”

Dr. D came out of the office then, holding a stack of papers, eyebrows raised in surprise, but Hazel beat him to it.

“You have?” Her voice broke, as she pushed away from Nico, who continued to smile weakly.

“Yeah, I have a shot to leave these stupid seizures behind Hazel,” he stopped to take a deep breath, “I’m tired of them, they can go away, so I’m having the surgery thing.”

“Isn’t that great news, daughter, I have contacted the surgeon already and he said we can bring Nico in to do some tests.”

“That’s- that’s amazing news,” Hazel whispered, pulling Nico close again, “I’m so proud of you Nico.”

“Yeah man! We’re happy you have a change to get out of this!”

“We all are proud of you, you’re gonna beat that crap.”

“Thanks guys,” he was leaning against Hazel now, still looking too pale to be okay, “I can’t imagine not being with y’all 14/7, though.”

“Well, let’s hope you’ll have to learn, son, besides you could come whenever you wanted to” their father placed his hand on Nico’s shoulder, “We should get going, the hospital where Dr. Miller works is a couple hours away.”

“Ah- but, shouldn’t we wait for an ambulance? Also I should bring my stuff.”

“Don’t worry about your stuff, we can come back to get it once you feel better, but I will take you on calling the ambulance, it’s much safer.”

“Allow me to get the phone,” Chiron said, making his way to the office, “It’ll be a pleasure to see Nico get better.”

“I’m coming with you guys, obviously,” Dr. Apollo said at last, “I’ve been Nico’s physician for years, I wanna check everything and talk with Dr. Miller in person.”

“We’ll all be checking in on you however we can,” Dr. D inclined his head, a kind smile on his face, which Nico returned weakly. His eyes were filled with tears, but he seemed too tired to say much, shoulders hunched and bags under his eyes. 

In all honesty, Percy was trying not to think too much into it. The last time someone had gone into surgery to get better, well, Zoe had died. He couldn’t stop his heart going a thousand miles an hour or his foot tapping hard on the floor with Nico getting surgery too. Especially since he was Nico. He couldn’t stop his anxiety from rising. 

“Ah, thank you Chiron, I’ll call a contact of mine so that it comes fast-”

The man halted, as he turned to the snow-covered porch. Jason had his back to the door, leaving his father’s face on full display. Jason was still tense, hands in fists at his sides, while his father’s glare was so intense it reminded Percy of Smelly Gabe on his worst days. A shiver went down Percy’s spine, that was not something pleasant to remember, nor to see on one of his friend’s parent’s faces. 

Mr. Dellamorte was still staring at the other man’s face as if he’d seen a ghost, one he would rather not have seen. Or maybe, one he had wanted to see. 

“Dad? What’s wrong?”

Mr. Olympia must have felt the staring, because he looked up, away from Jason, and his expression became a mirror of the other. His conversation with his son was cut short, and he walked past Jason, pushing the door open. 

“Father, you can’t just drop that and leave-” Jason cut himself, as both fathers stared at each other blankly, and his anger gave way to concern, “what’s happening here?”

“It can’t be,” Mr. Dellamorte whispered.

“What can’t be? Dad what’s going on?”

Silence met Hazel’s question, which further annoyed her, the crease between her eyebrows deepening. The room was buzzing, it was like electricity was floating in the atmosphere, and everyone was on edge. Hell, even the doctors looked confused out of their minds. Percy, on his part, was about this close to actually fainting because he just could  _ not _ handle this right now, not this hostile mood. 

Finally, Jason’s father spoke.

“Well, have you forgotten your manners Hades. It’s been decades, I know, but this is no way to greet your brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been over two months, and I'm genuinely sorry, but too many things caught up with me, and depression kicked hard and life was too much for a while. 
> 
> But good news first, I got into uni! I'm finally going to study what I love and what I've been waiting for for years, and I actually start this monday (in two days basically). I'm really excited and nervous at the same time, but at least all my effort was worth it.
> 
> Now, I'm sorry for the sort of cliffhanger but I mean we all know they're brothers right? Anyway, this was originally going to be much longer, but honestly this has been hella difficult to write, and since I started this on november, the pacing and writing in general might be a little shitty in this chapter, but the thing is I had to split it bc I feel like this doc was slowing me down and I felt stuck on it, so I'm hoping that a brand new doc will ease me back into getting my shit together.
> 
> Also, I apologize if anything is medically inacurrate, I'm truly trying my best here, but I'm no doctor (yet) and inacurracies are bound to happen despite my research.
> 
> Again, I'm sorry I took this long, I promise I won't take two months again, but I don't promise when the next one's coming cause that depends on how I find my pace with uni :) I hope you liked this one, I really do put my all in here.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Make sure to let me know if you liked it, leave kudos and comment! You can find me on Tumblr @ phantaloon and Twitter @ chemicalromanxe
> 
> Also, here's the link to the playlist I made for this fic :) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1YB4zFSTNS4tLMKpda8gs2?si=ZQbXkmqiTtqOlC6qsHb4-A


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